Fleet Enemas threaten to attack Earth! Aliens behind it! Government says,'no need to panic!'

A fleet of disposable Fleet Enemas has been detected hiding behind Uranus and experts say that aliens intend on attacking the Earth in the next few days - however authorities have called on people not to panic, nor reach for personal douchebags in order to fight back.

"We have everything under control" said one expert on Fleet Enemas hiding behind Uranus "We have decided that these aliens will be allergic to ass-water - so ass-water will kill them - if not ass-water then red M&M candies - and if not that then Barry Manilow music - don't worry, these things always work out in the end."

Indeed sales of water pistols, vintage Barry Manilow albums on cassette tapes, M&M candies, and douchebags have quadrupled four fold in the past few days.

"Bring it on you turd loving alien creeps!" screamed one rather large angry man "I will personally give you a good old-fashioned Earth enema myself!"

Some though say that the aliens may not land but instead zap the Earth from the sky.

"If thats the case then we will send Gary Glitter and Adam Lambert up in a spaceship with instructions bugger them with extreme predjudice, so don't worry" said the geek.

In the event some Fleet enemas get through, the Pentagon issued immediate orders to release all anal plugs from the strategic reserves and to pass them out to all inhabitants on Earth, except those living in the UK who already wear them daily.


Credit: Many thanks for Duncan Whitehead's original idea which was so disgusting that this is merely a diluted rendition. Also, many thanks to Queen Mudder, whose help and guidance on UFO matters gave this story it's unique, first hand technical accuracy

_{Make Bargis's day - rate this story with the stars, they're just down there!}