Obama to Apologize to Castro for American Imperialism

Washington -- White House sources say that when President Barack Obama arrives in Havana for a state visit on Tuesday, he is expected to apologize to the late Premier Fidel Castro for decades of American interference in Cuba's efforts to destabilize the Southern Hemisphere.

At his press briefing today, White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said that President Obama will issue an executive order giving Guantanamo Bay back to Cuba as soon as the man-made disaster suspects held there are transferred to halfway houses in America.

"This is strictly a humanitarian gesture," said Gibbs. "Cuba's prison population is exploding. Premier Castro has assured the President that the base's detention facilities would be used to house political prisoners who would otherwise be shot because there is no room in Cuban dungeons."

In another sign of a thaw in Cuban-American relations, Attorney General Eric Holder granted citizenship to Cuban Security Service provocateurs, assassins, and double agents who have emerged from the shadows after operating in the U. S. for decades. As a gesture of reconciliation, Holder announced that the Oath of Citizenship was being waived for the occasion.

"It has been hard for us," said Francisco Arrera, the Cuban Security Service's top spy in Florida since 1987. "Many of my people arrived here in 1980 posing as refugees--'Marielitos.' We've been living in fear ever since, running from safe house to safe house, one step ahead of the FBI. Now we can do our jobs without looking over our shoulders."

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