Jack Daniels to Reissue Tee-Shirt to Identify Assholes

Lynchburg Tennessee - Distiller Jack Daniels, under pressure from Conservative spokesman Rush Limbaugh, have agreed to reissue their famous traditional black Tee-shirt popularly worn by assholes until recently.

Limbaugh and his right leaning group, under medication with Viagra to correct the tilt, have taken up their case that since the famous Tee-shirt was discontinued it has become increasingly difficult to identify assholes by gross body-piercing and full-body tattooing alone.

Limbaugh dedicated an entire radio show to the issue recently, "the whole body-piercing and full-body tattooing thing is getting so played out . . . total geeks are now getting in on the action, leading to mass confusion and misdirected hatred for no reason. Our Conservatism should be reserved for those who deserve it, not wasted on some computer programming moron who goes to the same church we do."

Dittohead Pat Robertson echoes Limbaugh "This is about as fundamental an issue about being American as it can get, rich conservatives nationwide are struggling with this question day-in and day-out."

Asshole spokes-guy-thing Bobby-Joe Kentucky blurted, "Since Jack D discontinyad the Tee-shart assholes as a hole, purty funny heh?, wees jes cant let people know what a waste of time we is on this planet, Tennessee or elsewhere."

"I can't wait for da old Jacky D Tee ta be back. They's more comfy than a coupla hours tattoo stabbin and totally low maintenance like I like it.

"If I's wanna puke on it, that's fine by me."

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