Hillary Clinton Is Not A Lesbian Claims Barack Obama

In the final weeks of the Democratic presidential race, Barack Obama has leapt to Hillary Clinton's defense and stated that she is not a lesbian, never has been a lesbian and never will be a lesbian.

"The woman is definitely not a lesbian" said Obama as he rallied supporters "these rumors about her and aide Huma Abedin are false, she is in a loving and sexually active relationship with her husband. To suggest a strong woman like Clinton is a lesbian is an insult."

Obama's defense of Clinton has been met with praise. Many anticipated that Obama would use the allegations, Washington whispers and White House rumors to his advantage.

"No!" said Obama "I will not lend credence to this story "I can not afford to lose votes to the gay and lesbian community just because Hillary is one of them. Allegedly, but she isn't, so know need for any lesbians and gays to suddenly switch sides at this stage. These are rumors, that is all, unsubstantiated rumors."

The damage though to Obama's campaign may have already been done though after lesbians everywhere lent support to Clinton's campaign.

"I knew it!" screamed Ellen DeGeneres "I just damn well knew it - she gets my vote and all my fan's votes too!"

Other famous lesbians have also endorsed Clinton, including Rosie 'O Donnell, Melissa Etheridge, Nelly Furtardo, Cynthia Nixon and Elton John.

"This is what I was scared of" said Obama as he undid his shirt and called a 'pow wow' of his top advisers.

"Okay, listen up y'all" he shouted "I am a bi-sexual man! I am a gay black man you here! Spread the word - get me on Anderson Cooper now, I want those gay votes! Can Clay Aiken do me a concert?"

Meanwhile Republican nominee John McCain is desperately searching for fellow PoW's who may be able to confirm that he also partook of 'man love' during his imprisonment during the Vietnam War.

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