John Kerry names Johnny Depp as running mate

WASHINGTON - Presidential hopeful and Massachusetts Senator John Kerry today announced he has offered Johnny Depp first refusal of the coveted VP spot in his Democratic bid for the White House.

"I first saw Johnny in that scissors movie," Kerry told reporters, "and I've wanted to run with him ever since."

A source close to the Kerry campaign stated that Kerry believes "Depp's charm, charisma and intense global popularity is just the thing needed to sway voter support of post-teen females, twenty-something housewives, every woman in middle-aged America and that ‘certain section of guys' towards the Democratic ticket" in November.

Depp's oddball je ne sais quoi is much admired by fans around the globe and Kerry is eagerly awaiting the actor's decision to take on the challenging role of Vice President .

The somewhat shy actor is said to be "favorable" regarding acceptance of Kerry's offer and will come on board only if he and his family are allowed to remain in France.

"Also, I must be able to chase anyone I please around the Lincoln bedroom while brandishing my sword," said Depp. "That's if I decide to show up at all."

Kerry told reporters: "George Bush spooked the French with his highfalutin attitude but Johnny will bring ‘em back around."

"I'll bet my discarded ribbons on it," he added.

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