Hillary wins Iowa Straw Pole

(ACPA-Des Moines) In her first New Year announcement, Hillary Clinton admitted that she is delighted to have have been named as winner of the Iowa Straw Pole.

The 6 foot pole made from remnants of summer straw is weaved by the members of the North Iowa Farmers Wives Association, a prestigious organization in the Snowy State. The award will be presented in a spectacular ceremony in Farmer John Rolfe's red barn on East Hwy 84.

While not binding on the overall outcome of the State Caucus, the winner of the straw pole typically gets a boost in ratings across the state. Previous winners include Jimmy Carter who won the Pole in 1976 and successfully used it as fertilizer on his 1977 peanut crop.

All the other contestants' were awarded a specially baked Humble Pie which they chomped on dutifully. The contestants will soon move on to New Hampshire, the "Live Free or Die" State, to take part in the live ammo paintball-style primary where it is expected a number of the weaker candidates will be eliminated.

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