Fox News excludes Ron Paul from debate, declares Giuliani nominee

Fox News announced Friday that it was excluding Presidential phenomena Ron Paul from the January 6 Republican Debate in New Hampshire. While giving no official explanation for Dr. Paul's exclusion, the network did mention that it was allowing the less popular candidate Fred Thompson to appear only after the candidate agreed to let them turn off his microphone when he snored.

In a separate announcement, Fox News declared Rudy Giuliani the winner of the republican nomination, and noted that while the other candidates at the debate would be seated at a round table, Rudy would be standing at a podium bearing the Presidential Seal.

Bill O'Reilly did provide some explanation of the announcements on his Talking Points Memo, a daily program that delivers neo-con propaganda to the nations republican sheep.

Said O'Reilly, "Rudy Giuliani is the republican nominee for President, buddy, and don't you forget it. For far too long the people of this country have held on to the quaint notion that they should have a voice in choosing their leaders. Well you don't, so just get over it. That's our job here in the media. You stupid backwoods hicks don't have enough sense to make such an important decision, and you NEED fair and balanced intellectuals, such as Sean Hannity and me to tell you who to vote for."

O'Reilly went on to say, "I know you viewers are slow, so I'll explain the presidential election process one more time. We in the media pick the candidates, we pretend to have a primary season so we can collect advertising revenue from the candidates, and then we select the nominees for each of the two major parties, consistently giving you a choice between the lesser of two evils in the general election.

You dumb citizens should be happy that us media elite give you that much choice. It's more than you deserve, so just shut up and obey your masters."

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