Revealed: Bush Had Hard-On During Infamous Photo-Op

Washington, D.C. -- Potential embarrassing revelations concerning one of President Bush's most infamous photo opportunities were made public today.

Several inside sources claim that Bush has indeed confided to unnamed parties that he not only had a hard-on during the entire episode, but he as well acknowledged having "creamed all over myself" whilst approaching, in his flight suit, the awaiting microphones on deck.

"I aint done it like that since I was 15" a gleeful Bush reportedly bragged to one source. "The hardest thang about the whole thang was tryin' to keep my hands from down thar -- hell, thar was hunerds, prolly thousands of men and womens up thar watchin' my ever move!"

It will be remembered that President George W. Bush made his dramatic appearance on the USS Abraham Lincoln on May 1, 2003 (under the huge banner of "Mission Accomplished") which was intended as a precursor to a later televised speech to the world proclaiming, "major combat operations in Iraq have ended." Ever since then rumors have been ubiquitous concerning what to many was quite obvious: Bush was horny that day.

Although Bush's pecker, according to multiple sources, was "standing up on end" that day, in the prophetic words of Al Gore during his failed bid for the White House, ironically, against Bush in 2000: "what goes up must come down." As such, sources have as well confirmed that what was up then, is now down -- in fact, it's downright flaccid.

"For years now he has tried everything from Viagra, to Levitra, to Cialis," says one dejected source and life-long Bush supporter. "Senior members of the republican congress have secretly sent pharmaceutical lobbyist after pharmaceutical lobbyist to the White House who have heaped bags upon bags of free samples on the President without result," he continued exasperated.

In fact, another unconfirmed report has it that one highly placed adviser was so concerned about the matter that he smuggled in a penis pump for the ailing POTUS. "He's tried everything under the sun," laments yet another source. "Hell, he just can't get it up -- it's been that way for years now."

During a news conference today in which the White House had intended to focus on the "successes of the surge," Press Secretary Dana Perino was instead bombarded with questions concerning persistent rumors of the President's severe case of erectile dysfunction. "Is it or is it not true that the President can no longer get it up," demanded a clearly miffed David Gregory.

"Just answer the question -- yes or no," he demanded further.

Red faced and embarrassed, Ms Perino finally called an abrupt end to the conference despite a highly peeved Helen Thomas. "I think it's clear to the American people that these rumors are true," Ms Thomas insisted to the now vacant podium and amidst giggles from the press corps.

Meanwhile, just as individuals were filtering out of the room, word began spreading that Vice President Dick Cheney was similarly afflicted. "I heard he can't get it up either," one reporter wryly whispered to another, "he's tried everything that Bush has and to no avail -- that is everything but invading Iran."