John McCain Withdraws; Endorses Ron Paul

John McCain today announced his withdrawal from the 2008 Presidential race, citing low poll numbers, lackluster fundraising and other campaign difficulties. "We just weren't able to pull it all together," McCain admitted, "and it's time to get out."

In a surprise move, McCain endorsed little-known GOP candidate Ron Paul. Paul, he said, "is the real straight talker in the campaign." Returning to the more aggressive tone he had moderated as a candidate, McCain asserted that Paul would "stick by his damn guns," and that "pussies like Romney and Giuliani will never stand up for what's right."

Turning on the Democrats, McCain also said that "freaks like Sharpton won't know what to do with a guy like Ron." Sharpton quickly responded that McCain's remarks showed that he and Paul are racists, though he was unable to specify what made them racist since he "hadn't head the details of what McCain said yet."

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