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Daniel Bristol
Daniel Bristol
Joined: 14 May 2004
Stories Written: 6
09 February 2010

US Headlines

Funny story: Ku Klux Klan under attack from Scottish Clan Man

Ku Klux Klan under attack from Scottish Clan Man

Scottish Historian Ranald MacDonald has caused outrage by pointing out the bad stuff Scotland gave the World as well as the good stuff. Just as the Brits like to keep quite about the 1.5 BILLION people they killed in India and they countless others o...
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US Defense Secretary: Gays Should Die

Now that the United States military is rescinding the "don't ask, don't tell" policy implemented by former President Clinton, hundreds of thousands of soldiers are stepping forward and admitting they are gay. During a recent visit to an army base,...
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Funny story: Global Warming Scientists To Move From Washington To Warmer Climate

Global Warming Scientists To Move From Washington To Warmer Climate

BLIZZARDS, POWER FAILURES AND EXTENDED COLD TEMPERATURES have apparently prompted Global Warming experts in Washington D.C. to announce the relocation of their offices to Florida. "This weather is ridiculous," said Dick Allshank, Chief Scientific Sp...
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Rahm Emanuel Calls Republicans "Dumb AS White Bread" Won't Apologize

"They ARE as dumb as white bread," said Rahm Emanuel of Republicans after apologizing for calling some members of his own party, retarded. "I apologize for calling them retarded. It was an insult to all of the, fine, wonderful, and loving retarde...
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Funny story: Detained Wabitt Escapes! Wreaks Havoc in Spoofington Police Station; Spoofers Terrified!

Detained Wabitt Escapes! Wreaks Havoc in Spoofington Police Station; Spoofers Terrified!

Spoofington, NY- The Spoofington Police Department, in yet another embarrassing failure announced today that the infamous "Bunny Wabitt" who had terrorized U.S. and UK Top Spoofers has escaped. According to Sargent B.T. Fields, the spoof terrori...
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Funny story: Obama Asks Public, "Have You Heard About the Bird?"

Obama Asks Public, "Have You Heard About the Bird?"

President Obama announced another trillion dollar increase in spending today to raise public avian awareness. The absence of public awareness concerning certain ornithological events has lead to the President of the United States to hold an urgen...
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Funny story: East Coast Storm to Bring Eight Inches, Men Celebrate

East Coast Storm to Bring Eight Inches, Men Celebrate

The National Weather Service has announced a winter storm warning for the bulk of the Atlantic coast, while the storm is expected to bring an additional six to eight inches of thick measurable depth. Chief Doppler Radar forecaster, Ivana Hardmen,...
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Funny story: "Weather Weapon" beamed on Washington DC

"Weather Weapon" beamed on Washington DC

Frosty relations between the White House and China: "Taken to new (snow) level" - Washington's intelligence community complains that China has developed a "Weather Weapon" and beamed it on Washington DC metro area. "The Chinese super-weapon has...
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Funny story: Palin, Limbaugh Get Mixed Reaction

Palin, Limbaugh Get Mixed Reaction

Former Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin addressed the Tea Party convention, telling them that Rush Limbaugh is a stupid, fat, anal orifice. Though some in the crowd scratched their heads, others applauded, thinking that if Rush Limbaugh's name was...
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Funny story: Pants bomber says Iran used thermite in Connecticut gas blast

Pants bomber says Iran used thermite in Connecticut gas blast

Middletown, Connecticut - (Boom & Bust): Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab has told CIA interrogators that rival Iranian wackjobs are behind the Middletown power plant gas blast. He has blamed a termite (sic) hand grenade, smuggled in a takeaway hamb...
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Funny story: Low Tech Repair For Millions Of Recalled Toyotas

Low Tech Repair For Millions Of Recalled Toyotas

IN A NOVEL MOVE to speed repairs and restore consumer confidence, engineers have designed a low tech fix for the high tech problems in Toyota's electronic acceleration and braking systems that have plagued over 8 million of its vehicles. "We call...
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Funny story: Obama wants to seize The Rockefellers & Rothschilds Fortunes

Obama wants to seize The Rockefellers & Rothschilds Fortunes

President Obama has come up with the best idea yet to solve Americas national debt of over thirteen trillion dollars. The President plans to seize all funds held by the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds regarded by many as the worlds richest famili...
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