Cameron offends Greens with Politically Correct Christmas Card

David Cameron has not only come under fire from Tories for the design of the Tawdry Party Christmas Card but also from Greens.

Tory backbenchers livid at Christmas omission

The card which has the Tawdry Party Tree revealing a generic winter scene has roused some party members from their normal Commons coma.

"No mention of Christmas, nothing!" said Peter Silley (Con. Man. ), "This is political correctness gone mad, just to avoid upsetting other religions. We aren't offended when the bloody Hindus snarl up the London traffic every year with their Diwali celebrations. We aren't offended when some raggy-head easterner falls to his knees to pray in the middle of Heathrow airport. What's wrong with a crib scene? I wouldn't complain about Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer either! But no!"

Mr. Silley's comments were largely born out by other religious leaders.


Load of bollocks say religious leaders

Farrooq' al Farooqi Ali Kh'at member of the Ecumenical Council of Great Britain said,

"It is of no consequence what infidels choose to believe. The birth of a minor prophet has no meaning to the true believer so how can we be offended. There are just infidels and true believers in the World and the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) was quite clear about what would happen to those who did not follow the His teachings."

Rabbi Aaron Topovit was in agreement.

"For the Jews Jesus is a minor prophet and Judaism shuns minor profits, all they are good for is making rubbish puns. Not much money, not funny, very punny he he!"
At that point he was dragged away by aides having, urinated himself profusely.

Cameron was adamant about the card, having said that he saw nothing wrong with the card and much fuss was being made for political gain.


Greens farting sparks about Cameron Blasphemy

Dawn Lovedyke, Lesbian (not gay, not one little bit!) President of the "Green Lesbians for Global Warming Coalition" was beside herself with apoplexy. The Webdyke-in-chief of Lesbiangaia.furry.cup.org.cx, said,

"This disgusting card is an insult to our Faith in the Universal Church of Global Warming on many levels and has been deliberately designed to stick two fingers up at those with a belief in Global Warming and climate change:

1. It takes our Holy symbol of the trees we hug in vain.

2. It is made from the very same holy trees torn down screaming in Norwegian forests already desecrated by acid rain in the 1970's and losing all their needles due to the rise in global temperatures. Those same trees that are used to make hockey sticks!

3. It has a blasphemous image of a typical winter scene which we know not to be the case in Britain due to climate change. It's sheer manipulation of the facts!

4. There is no mention of the Holy Virgin Mary, first lesbian ever to have been artificially inseminated. The Bible doesn't mention this because it speaks in metaphor, but that's what it means. For God read syringe. For Joseph read predatory would-be rapist. For seraphim read Gay.


The heavenly babe you there shall find to human view displayed

A little girl standing near to the interviewer gave a tug on his trouser leg and asked to be interviewed.

"What do you think of all this then?"

"At school we learned that Christmas cards and the images on them were a nineteenth century invention. So was Christmas as we know it today; invented largely by Prince Albert and Charles Dickens through the guilt caused by the rise in middle class prosperity at the expense of the poor during the Industrial Era. It was a time for philanthropy and charity, although the workhouses did not disappear until the 1920's.

Father Christmas ia a mixture of symbolic references to folk beliefs down the ages and of course the jolly red-clothed white-bearded man seems to have been invented by a soft drinks company.

I think people should believe as they wish to believe and not interfere with each other's beliefs or invent divisions as the newspapers seem to do these days. If people believe something, even without evidence for its existence, that's OK, but they must believe it with passion otherwise how can there be Faith?

They must also be careful how they reconcile it with modern progress in science. Not to do so at all, leaves religions entrenched in medieval savagery; to do so in excess results in doubt and dissolution and the emergence of an entirely secular World.

That would be bad because we cannot trust human beings to do the right thing. We need an idea of something greater that transcends humanity and represents absolute goodness of intention. Without ideals how can we make progress?

We should not be offended at others' beliefs either or interfere with them, because a good religion, doesn't preach tolerance, because that just means putting up with something that is not necessarily to one's taste. A truly good religion should preach acceptance of the whole World and its diversity. It doesn't try to convert, it doesn't try to conquer because it is only in those two latter things that we find the seeds of conflict."

We asked her, "What about those people who poke fun at religion?"

She replied,

"I think you will find that they are also guitly of poking fun at science and many other things too. Humour is a strange thing. It has a good way of defusing tension, pointing out absurdity, unfairness and contradiction. It exposes hypocisy which is humanity's major sin. It exposes the self-important scientists, churchmen and politicians alike, for the humbugs that they are, who would lead us all to wrack and ruin. Above all it gets us thinking which is good. Perhaps that is its evolutionary significance.

I love Christmas. People send me cards and give me presents and I do the same for them. It is a happy time because it shows that at least once each year we think of each other, when the rest of the time we are often too preoccupied with everything we need to do to get through the business of living. It is a time when everybody calls a truce in the war on themselves. It has special meaning for Christians but even without Christ and alcohol it could be a special time for us all.

I don't believe in Father Christmas any more, but in a way I do don't I?"

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