Tories to bring back Old Money

In a bid to cheer traditional conservative voters rattled by yesterday's ratification of the Lisbon treaty David Cameron announced today he would, if elected, bring back traditional "Old Money".

My Cameron received a rapturous reception as he announced to a meeting of Conservative MPs at Westminster that Britain would return to its unique position as being the only nation in the world to have 240 pence to the pound.

"What better way to show to those worried that Britain's sovereignty is under threat from the European Union than to take not a step towards adopting the Euro but a clear step back.

"Our sovereignty will be enshrined in our silver sovereigns," hailed the party leader.

Many MPs left the meeting extremely happy that Dave has found a brilliant way of side-stepping the complex and controversial Europe question without upsetting anyone. MP Victory Shufflebottom said the plans were "jolly fantastic."

Although no dissenting voices were aired at the meeting, not all Tory MPs are happy at Dave's plans. Ken Protégé, the youngest member of the parliamentary conservative party, has some reservations. "Spain, Greece and Portugal have some very nice beaches, and we all love to holiday there," said Ken, who's own antics in Ibiza made front-page news this summer.

Also upset are teaching unions. Spokeswoman Minnie Moaner said "what's the point in bringing back sovereigns, shillings and guineas when only 5% of school leavers currently know how many pence there are in 25p?"

Banking bosses said the matter was largely irrelevant as the recent devaluation of the pound coupled with the expected period of high inflation will remove any need for pennies in future.

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