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Kenneth Manboobs
Kenneth Manboobs
Joined: 16 April 2004
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Wardens on hand to help with diagonal crossing at Oxford Circus

Written by Jimbo Gunn
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Story written: 02 November 2009
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You'd think it would be simple.

Wardens were on hand today to help Oxford Street's shoppers at the inauguration of the UK's first Tokyo-style 'diagonal' pedestrian crossing at Oxford Circus.

Whilst to many the concept appears self-explanatory, to a few; especially the elderly, disabled, and parents with children; diagonal walking could be completely alien.

If not done correctly, diagonal crossing can in some cases be fatal. In fact we encountered several instances where users didn't even realise they had to walk diagonally.

Matt Jobsworth of Westminster Borough Council is specially trained to teach new users how to walk diagonally using the 'diagonal strides' technique first described by Nakamura Yukio in his book Cross & Calm in Tokyo (price: £299.99 on amazing.not).

"It's fairly easy once you know how," Mr. Jobsworth told us. "The only important think to remember is to keep your body facing 45 degrees to the direction of travel. With your leading leg, take a great stride out, then bring your other leg up to position.

"You may feel like you're in the Ministry of Silly Walks but there's no need to feel a fool as pretty soon we aim to have everyone crossing this way."

Questions remain however for wheelchair users and those pushing prams. Jobsworth told us the problem was being looked at by British inventor Sir James Dyson, who was working on a prototype "ball" design that could be pushed in any direction.

A spokesman for the Mayor's office put the cost of the wardens at "piffle".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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