Top Stories from TheSpoof.com

Traffic Cameras Too Expensive Let Peeping Ted Do It

Expert economics professor Elmereesha Eelsniffer at Stanford University in California just finished a study. So says a flying chimp that nearly broke the windshield of my car on the way into OZ today. The study was an economical feasibility study to determine whether or not the stupid stoplight cameras were making any profit for the state.

Chelsea Move For Duckworth

Chelsea, who are known to be keen to offload their current manager Avram Grant, are planning to steal actor Jack Duckworth from under the noses of their not-so-fierce northern rivals Manchester City.

US South, Epicenter of America's Cardiac Clog Capital

Studies of USA health have revealed that the American south is not just the seat of hospitality, gentility but also the dietary slave to cholesterol, fatty asses and clogged arteries.

Young Female Celebrities Unite For Modesty

After two prominent young actresses were recently scandalized in photographs, concerned young female celebrities have united to form an international coalition to stop the sexual exploitation of young female celebrities.

Burma Unhappy At World's Refusal To Call It By Its Proper Name

The government in Burma, where a massive cyclone swept across the country last weekend, have said that they will not allow UN Aid workers to distribute supplies within its borders until the outside world starts using its proper name - Myanmar.

Grannies hit by HIV

It has long been known among the criminal class that sharing needles can lead to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases such as Hepatitis B and the dreaded AIDS. Due to this the government made it one of their many, many priorities to target the youth of today with lessons in school and posters in corridors dictating the dangers of using another's hypodermic.

Dems Quietly Whisper 'Obama' to Hillary

Despite the widespread belief that she has lost the Democratic nomination for president, Hillary Rodham Clinton vowed to press on, planting her personal flag - an eagle poised above two crossed dead interns on a field of blue - and confirming fears that she will continue to fight.

John McCain Says Israeli Scientists "Are Keeping My Brain Alive"

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - Senator John McCain has stated that he is "not losing his bearings at all" since Israeli scientists "are keeping my brain alive" with daily injections of chicken soup and gefilte fish.

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