Latest spoof news snippets
Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.
John Terry 'could quit over captaincy axe'
Shut the door on the way out JT!
Man handcuffed to goalposts in Premier League match
Be warned John Terry and Harry Redknapp...
Harry Redknapp 'condemned himself with his own mouth,' says QC
'Hoist by his own petard'
Susan Boyle to sing for the Queen
On condition she don't bring her fella, Piers Morgan with.
'6 inches of snow this weekend' **
oooh matron!
** Daily Express headline... Saturday 4th feb 2012
Lottery winners defend benefit claims
"£10.5 million don't get you far these days"
Cher Lloyd: I was driven to hell and back
She only popped out to buy a pint of milk.
Undercover police to patrol in Uk cinemas.
The price of popcorn in Uk cinemas has forced the illegal sales by dealers in cinemas at a fraction of the price, police say they will arrest anyone found in the possesion of popcorn.
Gadaffi is alive rumour gains pace
Gadaffi is alive in US and is in fact actor Mickey Rourke.
Taliban will retake control of Afghanistan
Secret files reveal Taliban will retake control of Afghanistan when NATO troops withdraw.
"Tell us something we don't know!"
"Wild thang!"
Little Eddie Milipeed slams bonus, bust, bailout culture, 'right on tiger' you tell 'em.....kick some botty!!
Assey Law!!
Summer riots text man jailed for three years...4 x known terrorists sentenced, but out in six years...yes folks, British Justice at it's best!!
Buoy, Oh Buoy!
British man goes overboard on Caribbean Cruise, the perils of getting over excited at getting a cheap Thomsons cruise deal?
"Come On Down,The Price Is Right!"
Failed sex change fruitcake Mary Portas,supported by this truly mentally challenged Government offering 'money prizes' if you can come up with ideas to save dying high streets...'Monty Python Lives'!!
Speeding drivers should get fines of up from £100
31 Feb 0212: To raise cash for crime victims, Ken Clarke said last night.
"Well yer... lets make it fines from £5000? Why not"
Star Jones Knows Her Pastries
Star Jones who has really started to pack on the pounds stated that she will be the hostess of A&E's America's Biggest Damn Cupcakes.
Who Really Cares About Donald "The Hairdo From Hell" Trump
Donald Trump endorsing Mitt Romney makes about as much sense as someone inviting Hitler to a Bar Mitzvah.
The Celebrities Were All Kind Of On The Shy Side
A FOX Network spokesperson revealed that plans for their new show Celebrity Cellulite have been scrapped since the producers could not get even one celebrity who was willing to appear on the show.
Paula Abdul May Be Making Yet Another Comeback
Paula Abdul, who was recently fired by Simon Cowell from X-Factor, has been asked to interview for the host's job on the new Bravo reality singing show titled, 1,2,3, Sing Your Vocal Chords Off!
Austerity Britain pigs out on pork
The Times: Austerity Britain has swapped beef for pork, causing sales of the white meat to jump, according to Cranswick.
"Well this UK OAP, would like to afford pork!"
Threat from new virus-infected emails which take over your PC even if you DON'T open their attachments!
Daily Mail: The user will not even be warned this is happening - the only message that appears is 'loading'.
"Oh shit!"
Dubai to lower Drinks Allowance
The Arab country of Dubai give westerners a drinks allowance. However, this is to be lowered from March when it turned out that not even Paul Gascoigne could drink his allowance.
Food Pushers asked to move on
Police have asked Food Pushers who stand outside Weight Watchers meetings selling hotdogs and pies have been asked to stop by police. "It's not illegal," the police said. "But it is naughty."
John Terry stripped of England captaincy
That was one hell of a stagnight.
Top Totty beer banned from Parliament bar
Banning the politicians might be a better move...
Energy Secretary resigns over speeding cover-up allegations
Does being energy secretary involve drinking lots of red bull?
Perhaps that's what made him speed??
Reuters staff vote for first strike in 25 years
You'll have to rely on twitter and the spoof for your made up news that day
MI6 place advert for new staff
Well that's my excuse for buying the sun and i'm sticking to it.
Classic Sun front page headline
'I slept with 1,000 men - but i used to be a man myself'
I feel so silly - how did i not notice? Especially the second time.
Sun editor to be questioned by Leveson over Page 3 girls.
"You prefer real or plastic?"
130 million tweets a day are not worth reading say researchers
Mentioning no names Katie Price, Natasha Giggs, Imogen Thomas, cast of TOWIE etc etc etc
Italy sues Germany for losing WW2
"Hitler failed to keep his promise to give us North America when he ruled the world. All we have is New York and Las Vegas." said attorney preparing class action on behalf of every citizan.
CNN declares war on Eyeran.
Unrelated statements from us, Isreal? and Eyeran have been cut & pasted.
According to CNN, Isreal? will hit Eyeran next week and Eyeran will quickly retaliate against us!
Solidad's job is secure!
If I ruled the World - Romney and Facebook?
MITM is reportedly buying out Facebook shares in his bid to be President of the World.
With over 600,000,000 members (all prone to gaffs & contextural errors in their posts) is he on a winner?
Covert French Operation innit?
Legionnaires kill three Britons in Spain...were they spies or are these rogue French Foreign Legion operatives?
Saturday 3rd Feb: Four inches of snow to fall across Britain
There's a white weekend in store! Four inches of snow to fall across Britain tomorrow as the temperatures plummet to -12c!
"Shit!"
The New Ford Fiesta Econetic
The Times: Can you drive the Fiesta Econetic to match claimed of 78mpg on the Combined cycle then you're a better man than me. I got 55mpg on a mixed driving.
Mind you it costs only £10,985 to buy!
Hash point machines to be installed in Amsterdam.
Hash point machines were customers are given a hash point card to withdraw hash are to be installed in Amsterdam high streets, but some users fear they could go overdrawn.
Redbull accidently sponsors rival drinks company.
Energy drinks giants redbull today said they will vet more closely at who it sponsors after it emerged they accidently sponsored a rival drinks company.
#4 wife at Gazebo on the Lake?
Inside source leak, Las Vegas: Newt to divorce 3rd wife, to marry Mrs Gingnotsorich 4!
He was knocked out by Floridian Mitty Romney last week.
Maids of Honor to be Paula Ronn and Ricaria Sanatorium.
EGYPTIAN FOOTIE
Violence flares in Cairo after football deaths, one hell of a quick re-match eh!
Don't Cry For Me Argentina
Prince William arrives in the Falkland, how bloody nice for him...cheap deal via Thomsons was it Willie?
Mark Kennedy Affair Leads Police To Withdraw Other Undercover Officers
'We will be recalling Nick Clegg with immediate effect,' said a spokesperson for the Metropolitan Police. 'We have, however, already gained invaluable information about Tory plans.'
BBC presenters are "wankers" claims US comic!
US stand-up comic, Dave Fulton, called Bill Turnbull and Sian Williams wankers on the BBC breakfast bore today. Sian apologised to the OAP's watching, but Bill agreed, after all he is a "tosser"
Vote:
Who do you admire most of the GOP candidates?
Or do you prefer the American public who refuse to vote for these clowns.
'Escaped Large Cats Association' Admit To Gloucestershire Deer Killings
'We wild cats are out there in the English countryside,' said a spokescat. 'We want to be left in peace, but will target livestock until those who need to get a life, return to chasing poltergeist.'
Duke Of Cambridge To Undertake Tour Of Duty As RAF Pilot In Falklands
'It's great royal PR,' said a Palace spokesman. 'It would've been better if he'd done the Bin Laden and Somalia missions with US Navy Seal Team Six, but he's done a hell of a lot better than his dad.'
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