Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.

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Irritable General Colon Bowel Syndrome flare-up among Israel-Hezbollah might be over

Colonic Irrigation Regiment sent in to flush out anyone crapping on tentative piss talks

written by queen mudder, 29 January 2015
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Suitcase with partially eaten human remains and cornflakes found on San Francisco sidewalk

Cops are on the lookout for a cannibalistic cereal killer

written by queen mudder, 29 January 2015
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Man orders pizza during four hour standoff

That's gotta be the longest 'Your Pizza Delivery Will Be With You In Fifteen Minutes' telephone lie in the history of quattro stagioni

written by queen mudder, 29 January 2015
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ISIS stop beheading!

Relieving news is reaching us from Iraq, ISIS have vowed not to behead anybody anymore, therefore they will kidnap babies and spike them on their bayonets; lovely bunch!

written by Jaggedone, 29 January 2015
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Diego Costa is a reincarnated pitbull!

Blood samples taken from Chelsea's Diego Costa have proven he has the genetic make up of a pitbull! Mourinho is thinking about buying Suarez so he can unleash an unbeatable canine duo into the EPL!

written by Jaggedone, 29 January 2015
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New Irish Anti-Terrorism Laws

Under new anti-terrorism laws, Irish pensioners seeking rent assistance of 20 Euros or more per week must submit medical records and sperm count.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 January 2015
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Apple make huge profits!

An apple a day obviously keeps the doctor away! The consumers of apples have created huge global profits and consumers are munching daily whilst spitting out "soft-micro maggots"!

written by Jaggedone, 28 January 2015
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Greece promise not to default!

The new governing party in Greece has promised not to default on its huge debt to the Euro zone and they are willing to pay back the debt with several million portions of Feta cheese!

written by Jaggedone, 28 January 2015
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German giants bash Tesco!

Giant Brit supermarket, Tesco, are closing 43 stores! One reason is they are being bashed by German giants, Lidl and Aldi! It seems the Brits love a cheap Bratwurst stuck in sauerkraut; Fraulein!

written by Jaggedone, 28 January 2015
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Climate Change Stabilizes After Old Gassy Dog Dies

Methane levels in the world have dropped significantly since Fido, age 16, passed away last month.

written by Moe Nightwalker, 28 January 2015
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Massive Snow Storm Misses New York City - City Shuts Down

A MONSTER storm packing blizzard conditions spun by the elite East Coast media failed to live up to the hype, but New York City shut down anyway.

written by Moose, 27 January 2015
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Blue Monday, Black Friday, now 'Beige Wednesday'

Wed 4 February designated day for purchasing the banal at a discount.

written by Ella Davide, 27 January 2015
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German Pegida not Nazis!

The latest paranoid group to protest against Islamism, German Pegida, are not Nazis they claim, but have offered UKIP several empty barracks in Auschwitz if the UK has too many Romanians!

written by Jaggedone, 27 January 2015
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Man City, Chelsea and Spurs implode!

Several top teams in the EPL imploded Saturday as low level teams plundered their back gardens. Chelsea boss Mourinho explained why; "FA Cup, no good, my rich boys not used to playing Untermenschen!"

written by Jaggedone, 27 January 2015
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LVG breaks bank!

Man United double Dutch manager, LVG, has broken the bank and offered to swap his team for the heroes of Cambridge United. They refused because playing under LVG is like learning quantum physics!

written by Jaggedone, 27 January 2015
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Cambridge United offer United University challenge!

Giant scalp hunters, Cambridge United, have offered the other United free studies at the famous university in learning social differences don't matter when there's a dodgy, level playing field!

written by Jaggedone, 27 January 2015
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Clean - Shaven Cat sues makers of Whiskers

Whiskers cat- meats implies ALL cats are unshaven...not true, say '3 Out of 10 Cats. uk.org

written by Ella Davide, 25 January 2015
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Scamatology To Buy Showtime, Run Anti-HBO Programming 24/7

Discovering that HBO is airing a documentary about them, Scamatology has purchased Showtime to run anti-HBO programming. Donald Trump also offered to buy Showtime, but Showtime preferred the cult.

written by Al N., 25 January 2015
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Clean - Shaven Cat sues makers of Whiskers

Whiskers cat- meats implies ALL cats are unshaven...not true, say '3 Out of 10 Cats. uk.org

written by Ella Davide, 25 January 2015
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Scamatology To Buy Showtime, Run Anti-HBO Programming 24/7

Discovering that HBO is airing a documentary about them, Scamatology has purchased Showtime to run anti-HBO programming. Donald Trump also offered to buy Showtime, but Showtime preferred the cult.

written by Al N., 25 January 2015
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Palace Issues Imperial Edict On Israeli Prime Minister

WashDC-Barack I,Emperor of Americas,proclaimed that PM Netanyahu is persona non grata in the US Empire. An unnamed palace source-since hung-leaked that Barack feared stark contrast with Bibi's balls.

written by Trinculoman, 25 January 2015
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CNN warn cash point queues!

CNN issue following warning: Do not approach rather plump Asian looking men waiting at global cash points; damn suicide bombers will do anything to finance their terror action, even stand in a queue!

written by Jaggedone, 25 January 2015
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New England Patriots accused of replacing Indianapolis Colts with a deflated team

That would explain a lot.

written by Jeff Brone, 25 January 2015
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Irish youth can't afford property, mass Emigration

But, sure, 'tis grand, we lead Europe in Child Obesity, Alcoholism and Suicide, says Leader...Ya'll never beat the Irish!

written by Ella Davide, 24 January 2015
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UTV Ireland makes over Local News

UTV Ireland has sexed-up Irish News, but viewers still watch the BBC to get non-parochial coverage of World Events

written by Ella Davide, 24 January 2015
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Obama cuts short India trip and beheads to Saudi after death of King Abdullah

Correction! And HEADS to Saudi after death of the King.....phew.

written by queen mudder, 24 January 2015
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Other Babies crawl in Presence of Prince George

Non-Royal Australian Babies naturally grovel towards Prince George- mostly because they can't walk yet

written by Ella Davide, 24 January 2015
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Obama Wraps Up State of the Union Speech on Skype

President Obama wrapped up his State of the Union speech by Skyping with porn-star, Buster Hymen.

written by Moose, 24 January 2015
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You Got A Friend

Please do not send James Taylor to Saudi Arabia to sing You Got A Friend at King Abdullah's funeral. Also, nix the idea when King Salman bin Abdul-Al Saud takes the throne.

written by K.C. Bell, 24 January 2015
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Arsène Wenger unaffected by Blue Monday

I'm just my normal, glum self, says the Arsenal Manager

written by Ella Davide, 23 January 2015
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Captain America test postive for PEDs

When asked how he managed to gain 75 pounds of pure muscle and 5 inches of height in two days, he responded, "Uhh..balanced diet and rest?"

written by Octocorn, 23 January 2015
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MI5 agents will testify in disguise at NY terror trial

Mostly Richard Nixon masks, Anna Nicole Smith-type breasts and Kim Kardashian butts...

written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
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King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia is dead at 90

Doctors say he died of Wahabbist complications and a Jack Daniels diet.

written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
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Sick Toad operator gave cash, vacations to celebrate '420' court hears

Absolutely nothing to do with the notorious Silk Road dope peddling website, Your Honor. Completely different case.

written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
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Giant asteroid to zip past earth this weekend

Yeah, I know, probably cause mayhem in Aquarians' astrology charts - but then that's The Cosmos for you.

written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
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Drone carrying Mayor De Blasio crashes into parking lot

Correction! That should read '...carrying meth...' and not NYC's clean-living law abiding mayor.

written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
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Georgia High School basketball coach bites another coach's face

Says he accidentally mistook it for a double cheeseburger amid poor visibility during last week's match.

written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
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Measles outbreak at Disney theme parks, hundreds infested

Emergency respinders demand all visitors to the attraction first wade through a sheep dip to kill off any toxins...you have been warned!

written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
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Kids' dancing genitals video not 'smutty enough' for Swedes

However turnips and parsnips really loved it, apparently just the right mix of muck and filth.

written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
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Atomic scacremongers say we're two minutes closer to doomsday

Annual catastrophe prediction season off to yet another Global Warming frying start.

written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
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Hermaphrodite pussy to undergo gender reassignment surgery

Veterinarians will transplant Kitty's six inch whiskers from her bottom to their new home around her snout. Miaoo...

written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
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Quantitive Easing mistake

Boots UK mistakenly promote ECB Banking measure, as haemorrhoid solution. It's a licence to print money,literally says Sir Digby Jones

written by Ella Davide, 21 January 2015
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Fox News Again Accused Of Wrongly Claiming That A Major City Is Predominantly Muslim

'OK, we were wrong about Birmingham, England and Paris, France - wherever they are,' said a Fox New spokesman, 'but we stand by our claim about Mecca.'

written by Swan Morrison, 21 January 2015
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Brazil to replace retired Fred with the even more retired Ronaldo. Fred to be painted red & become London bus.

According to sources within the Brazilian FA, new coach (and former coach) Dunga, sees his old team mate as the perfect replacement for the upcoming Copa America.

"Mobility is key." Said Dunga.

written by Simon Saunders, 21 January 2015
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The Sun abolishes Page 3

From today, there will be no more Page 3 in The Sun.

Critics have warned that the move could damage already-poor numeracy rates among readers, if Page 4 comes immediately after Page 2.

written by CaptainSausage, 20 January 2015
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Raynair Boss sorry for past rudeness

'Calling them idiots is rude. If you were one of the idiots I referred to, please get in touch', he said

written by Ella Davide, 20 January 2015
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'3 children per family is ideal', says Pope

'I certainly can't afford any more than that', he added

written by Ella Davide, 20 January 2015
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The Sun Drops Page 3

The Sun will no longer feature topless ladies lying about their age on page 3 due to a cultural shift. Instead it will focus on sightings of Hitler and Alien Abductions

written by D Agnew, 20 January 2015
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Christ On A Bike

Rehearsing for the Easter "Passion Plays" in York, Jesus has been spotted riding a bicycle with a "stage prop" cross on his back this week. "I've put a stone on this Xmas, I've lost 8lbs" he said.

written by Auntie Jean, 20 January 2015
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Miracles Now Banned Under Health And Safety Rules

Miracles, which have been becoming more and more spectacular to compete with X-Box and PS3 graphics have been banned under new E.U. regulations. After 3 lightning deaths, a halt was called yesterday.

written by Auntie Jean, 20 January 2015
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