Latest spoof news snippets
Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.
Cameron relived by Terrorist attack
It means that the news of his capitulation on Corporation Tax after Google threaten to pull their £4.5m donation from the Tories.
Iron Manifold
SAN DIEGO, CA--Five years after hearing it for the first time, Danny Orsi still has no idea that the
Black Sabbath song "Iron Man" wasn't written for the film series.
Hurricane hits Warsaw and kills nobody!
Hurricane Erskine hit Warsaw over the weekend and the only casualty was a naked couple seen copulating on their balcony blowing and sucking in the wind!
Abbreviation Conference
Ths yrs conf on Abbrs & TxtSpk will B held at G-Mex M/c. Attnd's shd arv 30mins b4 drs open 2 Nsure a gd seat.
Atos Canonised
Atos, the French company tasked with assessing Britain's disabled people has been canonised, after announcing that 30,000 previously disabled people can now walk. That's a better return than Jesus.
Mobile phones reunited with 'tele'
As from next year, mobile phones will have to be referred as mobile telephones in all advertising and documentation due to an EU ruling. This follows the decision to reassign the word wireless to radios.
Chelsea Flower Show lifts ban on Gnomes
William Hague finally able to attend.
Tories Apologise To Mental Health Organisations Over Use Of Stigmatising Language
'Our activists should not be described as "mad, swivel-eyed loons",' said a spokesman, 'but rather as people with severe mental health problems who experience ocular complications.'
Sherlock Actor Investigates Cast
Benedict Cumberbatch drilled the Star Trek cast and successfully deduced that his stolen peanut butter and jelly sandwich was taken by Zachary Quinto.
Vegans boycotting breasts
Vegans new initiative is to with-hold breastfeeding practices of new moms. Mother's milk is a animal product, therefore, all mothers must refrain from lactating to keep in tradition of a vegan diet.
History of Cross Dressing - part 1
Cross dressing in ancient times, before the invention of gender specific clothing, mainly involved shaving off the beard. This was considered a perversion by those who liked facial hair.
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Achieves Orgasm
Ultra-Conservative Arizona Governor Jan Brewer says she achieved an orgasm last night as she was listening to Rush Limbaugh. "I really enjoyed it", Brewer stated.
Retirement 'Harmful To Health' Says The Institute For Economic Affairs (IEA)
'Also, poverty is healthy, but voting UKIP causes fatal illnesses,' said Mark Littlewood, IEA Director. 'The IEA is independent,' he added, 'we never manipulate public opinion to government agendas.'
News to hand
Mr Nigel Crackenthorpe of Lentle Lane Wandsworth has finally worked out how to enter his two bedroom home. He unlocked the front door and walked in. He now will work out how to get out again. Serious.
Poets to be deported
Budding poets are to be rounded up and excised from the general population in a PR move by the British government. "Yes, they will be shipped to South Georgia" said a spokesperson for David Cameron.
Hitler's love child
A Latvian bus driver has confessed to being the love child of Adolf Hitler and Marlene Dietrich. "Ya, I'm the one and only" he cried. The man has been detained in a psychiatric facility for some time.
Oh, to be in England...now that summer is here!
Snow in May: White stuff hits parts of UK.....meanwhile, the brown stuff continues to hit everywhere else!
Gone but not forgotten.
Brad Pitt 'Emotional' about Angelina Jolie's Mastectomy...as are we all cobber...as are we all!
King of the bungle?
Safari guide filmed charging towards elephant, obviously Irish.
"You can tell by the way I'm outta work...but its alright!"
HSBC warns 14,000 more job cuts likely....soon they'll be turning job centres into night clubs due to record memberships.
David Cameron Defects To The Liberal Democrats
'I am sick of dogmatic, inflexible, self-serving, right wing views in the Conservative party that are out of touch with the electorate and reality,' he told reporters. 'I agree with Nick.'
"What, no flamin' Cornetto's!"
Marks & Spencers poaches Spaniard for key womanswear post....Juan Sheet told reporters he was pleased to leave the towels behind!
Charles' bravure on show
In a bold move, HRH Prince Charles has agreed to substitute the royal flag flying atop Buckingham Palace with himself in a PR exercise unequalled in history. He will be in a harness the complete time
"The Codfather!"
A record-breaking 103lb cod has been caught in Norway. Harry Ramsden's Chip shop is hoping that the male monster fish will provide up to 200 meals. It has been mistakenly called the mother of all cod.
Rooney Retires!
Wayne Rooney has been taking lessons from Gazza and reading George Best's biography before he starts his new career as an ex-soccer super-star alcoholic; there is nothing else after United, ask Alex!
"Stone me cobber!"
Iran hit by 6.2 magnitude earthquake.....how would they ever know....it could be an annual stoning festival?
Woman Buried Alive 17 days in Bangladesh Found Alive, Told to Get Back to Work.
"That's what passes for vacation over here but it still beats a Carnival Cruise," she told the press.
Surgical breakthrough
A Swedish surgeon has made history today when he attached a penis to a patient's skull. "Yes, this is the first true dickhead!" declared the doctor. Assholes are now lining up for similar teatment.
Ferg 's role change
Sir Alex Ferguson has announced today that he will quit Manchester United to embrace a role as a female impersonator at a local strip club. His wife is well pleased he's "got a real job now."
Season amalgamation
With the weather set to continue cold, the British Met Office have announced plans to merge Britain's seasons into two. "These will be called 'Winter'," said Michael Fish, "and 'Green Winter'."
Moyes successor named
With Moyes set to take over at United, Everton have announced his replacement, as an elderly Scot who recently announced his retirement. The fans are not happy about the appointment of Gordon Brown.
Nuclear threat
Authorities are pursuing a man who is believed to be in possession of a thermo nuclear device he constructed with material bought on internet. Police are looking (extremley large explosion is heard)
Cameron first victim of immigration changes
British PM David Cameron is understood to have been deported under new immigration laws passed recently. Cameron's great great uncle came here illegally from Germany so Dave has to wear it for him.
No longer a "Theatre of Dreams"!
For 27 years Old Trafford was "The theatre of dreams" from next season it will be a "Theatre of NightMoyes!"
Stock Market Crashes
The NASDAQ stock market dropped nearly 8000 points in heavy trading yesterday but the only ones affected were the very wealthy as no one else had any money to begin with, according to sources.
Interns Fed To Sharks on Discovery Channel
In an ill-devised attempt to copy on the success of the Weather Channel's abuse of interns for Tornado Week, The Discover Channel decided to let interns swim with sharks for Shark Week.
New Book About Incontinence Released Today
If you have bladder condition, urine for quite a relief with the new book, Just Go With The Flow, by I.P. Freeley, Urologist.
over 500 victims of abuse now!
the death toll in Bangladesh has risen to over 500. Check your labels in your cheap textiles, it's not funny!
Ted Cruz Challenges Joe Biden To Gun Control Debate
Sen. Cruz noted that VP Joe Biden reportedly plans to revive a push for gun control decided to challenge the VP to a debate. However the VP declined because it was scheduled past his bedtime.
Bangladesh textile factory collapses; so what?
The price of human life in Bangladesh means nothing as long as global textile retailers can keep their profits up; who pays the price? Ask those lying under the factory rubble>
Sooner rather than later cobber!
An indian prisoner on death row in Pakistan responsible for a string of bomb attacks, has died in hospital after being attacked by fellow inmates in a high-security jail
Chop! Chop!
Viva Forever Spice Girls Musical is axed....pity it was not that actual Spice Girls who copped it instead!
"Oooooh! that feels better Matron!"
Boris Johnson 'attempts' a Chocolate Souffle...after weeks of trying numerous laxitives!
He's big down under you know.
Rolf Harris sex claims: Police Go To Australia...and who can blame them, it's a much better place than here and you can rely on the weather!
Britain slightly less racist than before says survey
With voters at the local elections switching from BNP to UKIP, the UK racist index dropped from 5% to 3% this week.
Taxi ripped off
A New York cab driver has discovered that he is owed $27 million dollars in unpaid cab fares. Only about 1 in 425 people pay him their fare and the rest quickly run. May be he should get another job?
Biden on dancing show
American Vice President, Joe Biden, has announced he will compere Dancing With the Stars on ABC next year. Biden, a noted dancer around different issues, will bring a new dimension to the show. What?
For Sale: 12 Clockwork Clowns.
Used but in good condition for more information contact Sandro Rosell, The FC Barcelona Camp Nou Stadium, Avinguda Aristides Maillol, s/n
08028, Barcelona.
Chair of the Blind Society accused of needlessly wasting money
He arranges a fireworks display to display his commitment to the cause