Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.
National Park Service Rewrites Statue of Liberty Plaque
"Give me your strong, your rich, your workers yearning to breathe capitalism. Send no homeless, impoverished, or those seeking refuge from MS-13 to me. I want no trash to tarnish our golden door."
written by Ralph E. Shaffer, 22 June 2018
Mobile Phones to be Banned In School
If we ban mobile phones in school, how are our kids going to say goodbye to us while they are being stalked by a shooter?
written by carina-eta, 20 June 2018
Trump Jr. Says That He Always Wanted to Be Separated From His Parents
That's why he can't understand the consternation at the border with kids being taken from parents.
written by Al N., 19 June 2018
Roseanne Smokes Ambien, Commits Genocide
That's what can happen when the human brain receives a sudden rush of all those racistogenic molecules all at once.
written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 19 June 2018
Bill Cosby Contacts Kim Kardashian to See if She Can Get Him Pardoned
Kim told Cosby he would have to get in line behind Robert Mueller, Suge Knight, and Jared Folger.
written by Al N., 17 June 2018
Inspector General’s Report Is Out
Much like a school report card, the Inspector General’s report is out and James Comey received an F for failure. Who’ve guess? Because he gave the world Donald Trump, he should have received a Z.
written by K.C. Bell, 14 June 2018
Trump Takes the U.S. Out of the U.N.
Trump then deports all the non-citizens & orders everyone else out of the U.N. Building in 24 hours.
written by Al N., 13 June 2018
Secret Plot to Have Trump Declare War on Canada Revealed
Trump must give Canada to Russia or else the Trump Golden Showers tape will hit the airwaves.
written by Al N., 13 June 2018
Trump Gives North Carolina to Kim Jong Un in Return for De-Nuclearization
"And if Lil' Kim stays nuclear-free for ONE YEAR, we will also give Kim North Dakota," said Trump.
written by Al N., 12 June 2018
An original metaphor:
' Clouds flocked the sky like white lint on a blue dryer screen.'
Good one, eh?
written by The Ruling Authority, 11 June 2018
Trump Tweets: Squat Toilets Bad Bad Joke!
Donald Trump was placed in a suite with squat toilets. In the process of squatting and tweeting lost his cellphone down the drain! Kim Jung Un reportedly offered use of his western style facilities.
written by JinoLeFeeto, 11 June 2018
Roseanne Claims that Ambien Turned Her Into An Asshole
"Just ask anyone! I was a bitch but that's all! It's the Ambien that made me racist AND an asshole!
Trump Pardons Himself for All the Pussies He's Grabbed
He also promises all the women who want to sue him that he will take them furniture shopping.
Trump Declares War on Canada for Burning White House in War of 1812
"Now that I know about it, I'm not going to let them get away with it ANY LONGER!" shouted Trump.
Trump Thinks He Already Met With Kim from Korea
His staff had to explain that the person he met with was really Kim Kardashian, not Kim Jong Un.
Roseanne Announces New Show With Paula Deen to Run on Fox Network
With support from the Immigration Dept., they will deport a different ethnic group member each week.
Trump Pardons Joe McCarthy, Benedict Arnold, and Aaron Burr
"They were all good people who just got bad press, like you-know-who" said Trump.
Jared Fogel Asks to Not Be Given Subway Subs While in Prison
"It's cruel and unusual!" said Jared.
Note to owners of large dogs:
When your veterinarian asks for a stool sample from your pet, it is not necessary to supply the entire four pound pile. Thank you.
written by The Ruling Authority, 05 June 2018
United States Tripped Down The Rabbit Hole
Guess what? The United States tripped down the rabbit hole, with Putin's help, and Trump is the new Queen of Hearts! "I can pardon myself by executive order!"
Nah! Tell it to the bone spurs. Sad...
written by K.C. Bell, 04 June 2018
Nevada Brothels Offer 50% Discount to "Incels"
"I hope y'all appreciate how much money we're losing on this", sighed one Madam. "I mean, I have to offer the girls one hell of a bonus just to let those twits come anywhere near their twats!"
written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 04 June 2018
Trump Deports Melania
Melania's staff, not seeing her for 20 days, finally found out she was taken away by Immigration.
written by Al N., 02 June 2018
Name Calling Trump
What do you call the daughter holding her cute little boy while her father’s policy is to rip away babies and children from their mothers and fathers? Armpit? Kneecap? No. She’s called Daddy’s Girl.
written by K.C. Bell, 01 June 2018
Church of England Excommunicates Harry, Meghan
"Her current state of pregnancy is clear evidence of pre-marital sex", read a statement from the Archbishop of Cunt Herbiary. "This is a clear violation of our eternal and unchanging doctrines."
written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 27 May 2018
Referendum To Ban And Remove Trump
Gosh, since Ireland was successful with their referendum to remove the ban on abortion, can the U.S. have a referendum to ban and remove Trump?
written by K.C. Bell, 26 May 2018
Jabba the Trump
I find when I watch cable news in the morning, I much prefer watching Donald Trump talk with the volume off. Imagine an orange Jabba the Hutt as a talentless mime.
written by Matt Birkenhauer, 25 May 2018
Wallis Simpson And Meghan Markle
Somewhere in heaven, Wallis Simpson is smiling and applauding Meghan Markle’s wedding to Prince Harry: an American, an actress and a divorcee. Wow! Everything else is just sparkle. Smart guy, Harry.
written by K.C. Bell, 20 May 2018
In what some are calling a miracle, Megan Markle passes the royal virginity test. She said she owes it all to the example set by Princess Diana.
written by Matt Birkenhauer, 17 May 2018
The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table
Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
written by Trinculoman, 15 May 2018
One Brick Speaks
One brick speaks and says: The United States ON America. It’s the United States OF America. How much does a degree from Wharton cost? Well, at least her hair was combed.
written by K.C. Bell, 15 May 2018
Showing you have...brass!
Whoever Trump's mentor was in his formative years forgot to tell him: There is a very fine line between...showing you have brass...and...showing your Ass!
written by b kenneth mcgee, 08 May 2018
Bill Cosby Will Not Be Allowed Pound Cake in Prison
And Pudding Pops and Jell-O will not be allowed in Jail-O.
written by Al N., 04 May 2018
Did Trump Push His Name For Nobel Peace Prize?
Is the same guy who mocked a person with a physical handicap allegedly going to be nominated to receive the Nobel Peace Prize? Smells like a Dr. Harold Bornstein letter, dictated by Trump. Bad!
written by K.C. Bell, 02 May 2018
Donald Trump And The Paralympics
Donald Trump says he had difficulty watching the Paralympics and watched as much as he could. Remember, he suffers from bone spurs, (rumored to be in his feet) that prevented his service in Vietnam.
written by K.C. Bell, 01 May 2018
Donald Trump says he had difficulty watching the Paralympics and watched as much as he could. Remember, he suffers from bone spurs, rumored to be in his feet, preventing him from serving in Vietnam.
written by K.C. Bell, 01 May 2018
Neil Warnock Upset Again
The Cardiff City boss is seething again after it was discovered his name was an anagram of Colin Wanker.
written by Monkey Woods, 27 April 2018
Bill Cosby Will Not Be Allowed to Have Pound Cake in Prison
And Pudding Pops and Jell-o will not be allowed in jail-o.
written by Al N., 27 April 2018
Emmanuel Macron Doesn’t Speak Trumpish
Anyone notice, French President Emmanuel Macron speaks better English than Donald Trump? And no superlatives necessary...Sad!
written by K.C. Bell, 26 April 2018
The Captain Has Illuminated the 'NO LEGS' Sign
Delta airlines now requires passengers to store their legs in the overhead bin.
written by Xavier Fairbanks, 25 April 2018
Name Calling Trump
One thing about Trump, no one will ever call him simpatico!
written by K.C. Bell, 17 April 2018
Trump to Seek Re-erection
President Donald J. Trump to seek re-erection in 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, etc., though not with his wife Melania.
written by Matt Birkenhauer, 11 April 2018
Boris Johnson - Labour's useful idiot.
written by j.w., 08 April 2018
Commonwealth Games drugs shock
Jamaican limbo dance team member sent home for failing to use ganja
written by Paxton Quigley, 07 April 2018
Donald Trump, Jr. Blames His Divorce on Obama
He says it's the only thing he's ever liked about Obama.
written by Al N., 05 April 2018
Sue Barker: My Moleskin Underwear Hell
More From The Cretin Channel
Arse Disaster 2018:
A London model shits herself, and a Salisbury business man follows through in a critical sales meeting.
Cannibal Joke "In Bad Taste"
A rare charcoal drawing of Henry Purcell and Lionel Ritchie playing leapfrog with Lulu on Saltcoats Pier while Alex "Hurricane" Higgins teaches Moses to drink a yard of ale in the background has been nibbled by capybara.
I Can See Margaret Thatcher's Face Between Kim Kardashian's Buttocks, Claims Aberdeen Fuckwit
Devon farmer John Barleycorne, the first man in the world to have wooden ears fitted, is a great fan of Arthur Mullard and Hittite footwear.
Bogus Bishop Scourge Rocks Jutland
"I wrote all the novels of Charles Dickens only last year", claims Devon watering-can repairer Adelbert Lossiemouth. "It took me ages. He was a long-winded bugger."
Carmen Miranda Obsession Ruined my Life Admits Tim Rice
The Two David Livingstones are getting there in the new semi in Burwash. "The lounge-diner is so snug now we've got the Geronimo figurines lined up along the wainscotting", said David Livingstone,m yesterday.
Trendy Dresses For Older Men
Among the recently-discovered unpublished works by late travel-writer Sidney Yardbrushe are Rolling Pace Eggs With The Cherokee, Constipated In Kathmandu, and Drinking My Way Across The Sudetenland