Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.

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Palace Orders Hit on Former DIA Intel Chief

Emperor Barack I, fuming over MidEast reality check by LtGen Davis on Sunday, ordered a hit on the General, palace spies report. Word is Terminator-in-Chief Valerie Jarrett got the nod.

written by Trinculoman, 29 March 2015
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Kerry Ordered to Stay in Switzerland by His Handlers

Foreign Minister Kerry will stay put, not due to Iran-will-nukem talks, but on orders from his VietCong superiors. They want further intel to advance their joint scheme with Putski to conquer Europe.

written by Trinculoman, 29 March 2015
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White Power morons march into Manchester!

In a city normally divided by red or blue a third party preaching White Power decided to let everybody know Jurassic morons are still alive! I would suggest sending them to Auschwitz!

written by Jaggedone, 28 March 2015
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Only 3 Drugs In America's Pharmacopeia "Do anything"

A high ranking official with the FDA made the remark Thursday at a cocktail party. He said "other than this whiskey the only thing medicine has to offer is penicillin, tranquilizers, and amphetamines"

written by Harry Klondike, 28 March 2015
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Coffee Chain Stirs Debate With Holocaust Themed Establishments

Glenn Winn, CEO of the Social Bean defended his decision to raise awareness of social injustice though his business establishments. "Coffee can get us talking about more than that Ferguson race thing"

written by Harry Klondike, 28 March 2015
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Ed 'mincer' Milipeed And Do-nothing-Dave For Live Showdown,

The "Powderpuff two-step"

written by Herrdoktorfox, 27 March 2015
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Styles In Tears After Zayn Malik Leaves 1D

I know how he must feel I cannot stop crying tears of joy myself. One down, four to go!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 27 March 2015
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Poll: Do-nothing-Dave Wins Leaders' TV Clash.

..up against Little Eddie Milipeed even a 3 year old could win....well done Dave!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 27 March 2015
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'Home Alone' Arrest Made Every Day - Report

.....about bloody time, those movies are diabolical!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 27 March 2015
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Hard Ed v Smooth Dave: The Verdict.

............two tossers for the price of one!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 27 March 2015
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Cameron told to wait and see about his request for a new conservatory

David Cameron's request to have a new conservatory in the back garden of number 10 has been put on ice till after the forthcoming General election.

written by LEDHEAD, 27 March 2015
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Cameron told to wait and see about his request for a bee hive.

David Cameron's request to keep Bees in the back garden of number 10 has been put on backburner till after the forthcoming General election.

written by LEDHEAD, 27 March 2015
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Who says Jennifer Lawrence is going to play Patty Hearst?

Uh, the studio boss waving the $20m pay check?

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Hollywood power players attend Brian Grazer's pre-Solstice hooker party

So what else is new?

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Daniel Day-Lewis spotted dining with designer Domenico Vericca

The pair might make some comfortable slip-on loafers together maybe for the burgeoning fungal nail disease footwear market

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Sam Taylor-Johnson out of 'Filthy Shades' sequel

Says things getting just too damn grubby and might damage her reputation

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Ben Stiller still moaning that Joan Rivers 'didn't like me' and we never made quiche

Blame the mess he made of quinoa ratatouille for the never ending feud

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Drew Barrymore reads Dr. Seuss when dumbing down

Such downmarket trash, no wonder they say her kids aren't exactly Einstein

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Britney Spears reported taking pre-Viagra to keep up with kids

Uh, make that pre-Algebra!

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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American Apparel wants models, not 'Instagram hoes'

Instagram retaliates, says it wants American Apparel sluts, not models

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Yoga outfit 'said to stretch truth in regards to assets sale'

Sounds like a story about some keep fit fanatic hooker's Spandex gusset bursting just as she's about to blow a John

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Heinz merging with Kraft in $36B deal to create 'global food giant'

Attorneys for Jolly Green Giant Sweetcorn Corp beg to differ, slap lawsuit on Heinz merger proposal

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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SEC chief takes aim at predatory traders in 'dark poos' scandal

Big black shits going down the pan says SEC boss Mary Jo White

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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NY Stock market riggingno longer a conspiracy theory

Tin foil hatter vindicated as insider trading tip stands to make him a cool million bucks

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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De Blasio praises school despite crap test scores

Headteacher demands Hizzoner takes detention for messing up his math grades

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Parents claim nuns cashing in by closing Montessori preschool

Sure, there isn't a decent cat house for at least ten blocks round here, but Mother Superior shouldn't be so damn grasping

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Reports coming in that cops take down NYC commuter train heroin ring

Rumoured replacement said to be the Colorado Springs Weed Line, coming to a subway station near you

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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WTF 'Your subway's late because of a surge in unruly passengers?'

Onion ring-eating grossly obese travellers blocking your commute?

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Top military brass resisting calls to lift transgender shirt

No, wait! that should read 'shirtlitfer ban'.

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Tsarnaevs' terrorism lair 'looked like a bomb site'

Highly surprising, considering.

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Ponzi schemer who stole $60M from independent film king pleads mitigation

Says he was on a Bernard Madoff internship sponsored by Enron

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Head of world's largest uranium producer dies at 44

Rest of body bound to follow soon

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Pennsylvania politician says randy celebrities signed re-election petitions

Blames too much cheap ObamaCare Viagra doing the rounds

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Dozens of sharks spotted swarming around oil rig

That's loan sharks, sniffing blood as news of BP profits tumble goes viral

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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President Obama will host Pope Francis in the Fall

That's the Decline & Fall Of The Holy Roman Empire, guys.

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Drug Endorsement Administration blamed for handling of agents' sex parties with hookers

Should have subcontracted to a DC Madam just like every other government department

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Massive hemorrhoid to whiz past Earth this Passover

God's way of saying enough with the braised brisket and whorseradish source, really messing up the celestial digestion

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Lumber Liquidators slapped with class-action suit that deadly chemical is boring

Uh, correction! That should read: 'class-action suit over deadly chemical in flooring'

written by queen mudder, 26 March 2015
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Pope presented with pizza

Causes 'fracas' as topping didn't include mushrooms

written by Ella Davide, 26 March 2015
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California Gay Advocacy Group Proposes Ballot Initiative to Allow Killing of Straights

In response to a measure to allow killing of gays in CA, Nigel Reynolds, attorney for the GAG has filed a petition with the California Attorney General, Kamala Harris, to allow killing of straights.

written by Moose, 26 March 2015
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Plans for Bergdahl Post-CourtMartial Leaked

Another leak from the Empire Palace reveals Barack I will appoint Beau Bergdahl--after his court-martial--as His Excellency's Ambassador to the Taliban, given Bergdahls' extensive connections there.

written by Trinculoman, 25 March 2015
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Fog hits British news readers on the Beeb!

It seems that Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson getting the boot from his rather childish programme is more important than the German Wings tragody. Well that's what the Beeb shows on the internet!

written by Jaggedone, 25 March 2015
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Wife Jailed For Attempt To 'Boil Her Husband'.

..............poor sod, he only married her for her culinary skills in the first place!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 25 March 2015
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Britain To Boost Falkland Islands Defences

.....two new peashooters purchased from Amazon.

written by Herrdoktorfox, 25 March 2015
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Church Appoints Its Second Woman Bishop

.....due to a dire shortage of choirboys!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 25 March 2015
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Animals May Help Predict Earthquakes -Study

nothing new here, my cat reaches 5.1 on the Richter scale every time he craps for England!!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 25 March 2015
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Collie Dog joins Teaching Staff of Primary School

The dog helps encourage pupils learning, but Ofsted say her Diploma out of Date

written by Ella Davide, 24 March 2015
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Nuns invade altar where Pope saying Mass

Congregation thought they were Villa Fans on Stag Weekend

written by Ella Davide, 24 March 2015
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The Hillary Has to Make a Quick-Change in Order to Appear in Public

Known to insiders is that Hillary has to don those sail-maker crafted pants suit only for public events. Mandated by all Clinton funding from those Arab states, she must be in strict purdah elsewhere.

written by Trinculoman, 24 March 2015
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Cameron promises not to serve a third term!

There is a god after all!

written by Jaggedone, 23 March 2015
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