There were 98 spoof news snippets published in May 2014. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

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Hillary Clinton's State Department Balked on Labelling Boko Haram as Terrorists

Secretary Clinton failed to identify the thuggish gang Boko Haram as terrorists. First personally, then internationally, she served as an enabler of activities resulting in violence against women.

written by Trinculoman, 10 May 2014
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VA Bureaucrats Who Faked Vet Treatment Data Are Now Seeking Cover

VA administrators who got bonuses by false reporting while ailing vets died are using their "death funds" to find somewhere to escape from SealTeam 6 which has sortied on a search and destroy mission.

written by Trinculoman, 11 May 2014
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Eminent Authority Says Rove's Comment on Hillary Clinton's Health Induces Snores

"Karl Rove's remarks concerning Mrs. Clinton's brain condition are about as controversial as stating that the oceans contain salt water." -- M. Voltaire

written by Trinculoman, 16 May 2014
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Appointment of Special Investigative Committee on Benghazi Spurs Clintons to Action

The Clinton political tag team scrambled their Goon Hit Squad to dig up dirt on the likely Republican members of the Committee. Chairman Trey Gowdy responds by hiring Israeli Mossaud as body guards.

written by Trinculoman, 09 May 2014
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Eminent Authority Assesses Obama Administration's Lack of Accountability

"Expecting the President and his minions to take responsibility for their government's failures and incompentencies is like expecting a toddler to clean his own ass and change his diaper."M Voltaire

written by Trinculoman, 20 May 2014
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For Biden's Next Trip to Ukraine, He'll Be Accompanied By Kinsmen

WashDC- The VP announced today that when he travels to Ukraine later this month, he'll be in like company. Going along with Biden on his fool's errand will be his half-brothers Larry, Moe, and Curly.

written by Trinculoman, 09 May 2014
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Former Governor Jesse Ventura Reveals the True Location of Malaysian Flight 370

Appearing on CNN to scoop everybody else,he showed a Photoshopped pic of the plane on former President Bush's Texas ranch,then screamed that he is leading a band of "Truther" commandos to recover it.

written by Trinculoman, 11 May 2014
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Eminent Authority Opines on Continued Tenure of VA Secretary Shinseki

"The Secretary's continuing time in his office will be as brief as that of a fly's hiccup after taking a bite from a turd." M Voltaire

written by Trinculoman, 23 May 2014
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Attorney General Holder Sets a Timeline for Investigating VA's Deadly Machinations

WashDC- General Holder clarified today that the DOJ will begin digging into Veterans Administration malfeasance resulting in Vet deaths just as soon as Hell freezes over, evoking White House kudos.

written by Trinculoman, 16 May 2014
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Naming a Lake Tahoe Cove after Legendary Author Nixed

Due to protest from a Native American tribe,a proposal to name part of Lake Tahoe after Mark Twain was dropped, provoking a from-the-grave tweet by Twain: "Name the damn place Injun Joe's piss pool!"

written by Trinculoman, 20 May 2014
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Scamatology To Build "Ideal Org" in Ukraine

In exciting world news, it was announced that the Church of Scamatology will build one of their Ideal Orgs(commonly called "Ideal Morgues" because of their relative emptiness)in the unstable Ukraine.

written by Al N., 08 May 2014
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Church of Scamatology Using Super-Powers to Hold Back Spring

Scamatology's Diminutive Despot announced that the Church would be using its powers to hold back Spring until further notice. Once proper fealty is given to the church, Spring will return.

written by Al N., 08 May 2014
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Eminent Authority Weighs In on Coverage of Kardasian's Upcoming Wedding

"The prevalent media attention given to preparations for Kim Kardasian's purported nuptials is of as much import finally as a flea's fart." -- M. Voltaire

written by Trinculoman, 16 May 2014
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Eminent Authority Assesses Putin's Delusion of Greatness

"The Russian Chief of State Putin's belief that he is the contemporary incarnation of Peter the Great is akin to that of a slug imagining himself to be a bear." -- M. Voltaire

written by Trinculoman, 16 May 2014
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VA Secretary Caught with POTUS in Open Mike Exchange

Wash-Secy Shinseki was heard commenting to Obama not to sweat those Vet deaths due to lack of treatment at VA hospitals:"Boss, they're a lot more boobs out there who will sign up."Obama:"Yeah,Ditto!"

written by Trinculoman, 23 May 2014
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Defense Secretary Hagel Unavailable for Washington Duty As Personal Issues Keep Him at Home

GopherFart,Nebraska-Hagel returned home late Thursday in response to a major personal crisis. The septic tank serving his shack here backed up,producing more effluvia than even comes out of his mouth.

written by Trinculoman, 30 May 2014
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Transvestites without bears banned from gay bars in Vienna!

Tranvestites must wear beards if they wish to enter the gay world in Vienna, if they attempt to enter a gay bar shaven they will be rejected because it is too feminine!

written by Jaggedone, 11 May 2014
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Gillette have been banned by Austrian men

Shaving experts, Gillette, are not welcome in Austria after a Tranny with a beard won a shit song contest, Austrian men are now demanding that every male must come out and wear a beard in solidarity!

written by Jaggedone, 11 May 2014
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Hitler moustache is now OUT!

The popular Hitler moustache is now OUT in Austria and been replaced by a super Tranny supporting a full beard. Austrian men have at last found their feminine side and Hitler turned in his grave!

written by Jaggedone, 11 May 2014
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The New $100 banknote.

The new $100 US banknote is to feature the Rothchild coat of arms.

written by Auntie Matter, 16 May 2014
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Eminent Authority Opines on a Malady of American Culture

The obsession with celebrity is a cancerous tumor that has rendered terminal American culture. M Voltaire

written by Trinculoman, 20 May 2014
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Eminent Authority Opines on Obama's Memorial Day Address

"Having Obama give an address honoring fallen Veterans is like having a vole squeek while caissons roll past carrying slain warriors to Valhalla on a rutted road." M Voltaire

written by Trinculoman, 26 May 2014
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Obama National Security Crew Reveals Name of Afghanistan CIA Station Chief

Inept National Security Obama team lapsed inadvertently into "full transparency" over the weekend by releasing the name of the CIA Afghan Station Chief to the press. Score another one for the bozos!

written by Trinculoman, 28 May 2014
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Redskins Becoming Featherheads

Responding to continuing criticism of racial insensitivity, Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder has announced the franchise will be changing its nickname to the Featherheads

written by Cool Papa Bell, 01 May 2014
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George Bush Jr. releases Biography.

George Bush Jr. is to release his new biography with foreword by Tony Blair. It is called "Bull and Drones".

written by Auntie Matter, 02 May 2014
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Black is black apparently

A chimney sweep from Sheffield has been banned from particpating in a charity marathon because he is too black. "This would give him an unfair advantage" said the chief organiser. Run that by me again

written by whatinthe world, 03 May 2014
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Beards are in in Austria!

Unshaven tranis are the new Viennese delight!

written by Jaggedone, 11 May 2014
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New Wave rolls across Europe; the gay, bearded, transvestite look!

A new fashion has hit Europe and many men are now dressing up as women and growing beards, the fashion started in Vienna after Mozart was depicted in an evening dress with his wig stuck on his chin!

written by Jaggedone, 11 May 2014
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van Gaal is Double Dutch!

Louis van Gaal is Double Dutch, the Man Utd choice to replace Moyes has told the English press to stuff themselves already proving that he is insane enough to take the job!

written by Jaggedone, 11 May 2014
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Martin and Forsyth in Scotland squad

Coldplay singer and uncoupled husband of Gwyneth Paltrow has been named in Gordon Strachan's Scotland side to face Nigeria on the 28th May alongside 86 year old entertainer Sir Bruce Forsyth.

written by John_L, 12 May 2014
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King Louis and Giggsy in a 'joint venture'

Ryan Giggs met King Louis van Gaal over a joint (venture) or two in Holland today and Giggsy left the hotel as a high as a kyte after being given the job as senior back-stabber for the coming season!

written by Jaggedone, 14 May 2014
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Godzilla holding out for better contract before signing on for sequel

More to follow...

written by Patrick Parkinson, 15 May 2014
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CNN in secret talks with hijackers to make flight go missing

"Anything to improve ratings" says CEO of CNN.

written by Moe Nightwalker, 15 May 2014
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Hero hamster saves child from diamondback attack.

Cute, chubby little pet that gnawed rattler off snake's tail to save kid, now to be sued by PETA for cruelty...

written by Frank Michaels, 15 May 2014
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Against Europe

Britain seems to be set on sending more politicians to Europe who don't want to be there because nobody wants to live next door to them in this country.

written by j.w., 20 May 2014
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Accommodation

My garden shed is now on the market. Room for a bed if the fork and spade are placed carefully. £300,000.

written by j.w., 21 May 2014
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Chinese Official Defends Spying on American Businesses

"Monkey see, monkey do," he said.

written by Gail Farrelly, 22 May 2014
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Michael Sam traded to Packers

In an incredibly ironic twist, openly gay football player, Michael Sam, was traded by the St. Louis Rams to the Greenbay Packers.

written by Moose, 23 May 2014
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Levi's CEO Advises Not Washing Jeans

He also recommends wearing a clothespin on your nose at all times.

written by Gail Farrelly, 24 May 2014
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Hashtag "Tache Hag"

Recent Eurovision winner and bearded transsexual Conchita Wurst has distanced himself from insinuations that this is not the first time an Austrian with bad facial hair has tried to conquer Europe.

written by CaptainSausage, 25 May 2014
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David Moyes sounded out about Lib Dem job.

While Nick Clegg maintains that he won't resign there are rumors that some senior Lib Dems have been sounding out former Man U manager as a replacement.

written by John_L, 26 May 2014
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French police raid Calais

Asylum seekers in Calais hoping to reach England and mega benefits have been raided by French police, put in straight jackets and shipped off to loony bins; UKIP ordered the attack!

written by Jaggedone, 28 May 2014
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UKIP bomb Romania

Lancaster bombers have been spotted over Romania, The Romanian airforce were caught with their pants down because their wives were too busy making elastic bands in Birmingham!

written by Jaggedone, 28 May 2014
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UKIP leader accepts the fact he's a top wanker!

After making huge strides in the European elections, the UKIP leader has officially declared that he's a top wanker now just like Cameron and Clegg!

written by Jaggedone, 28 May 2014
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Merkel wlecomes UKIP into Europe!

Angie Merkel has welcomed UKIP into Europe with open arms because now other Europeans can call Brits Nazis instead of pointing the finger every time a Rumanian is refused asyl in Germany!

written by Jaggedone, 28 May 2014
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Polish, Indian and Pakistan, etc, immigrants rush to join Customs!

Members of other ethnic minorities living in the UK have been rushing to join the Customs Authorities because they don't like Rumanians/Bulgarians either and refuse to share a piece of the cake!

written by Jaggedone, 28 May 2014
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Gossip: Man United sign 5000 new players!

Man United are signing 5000 new players according to the gossip columns; well they certainly need them!

written by Jaggedone, 30 May 2014
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Fishing for PMs

An amateur fisherman has landed the catch of his life. Yes he caught former Prime Minister Tony Bair while fishing on rocks at Torquay. "Wow a live one that breed!" said the man excitedly. Ho hum.

written by whatinthe world, 15 May 2014
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Obama changes name again...

... from 'Global Warming' to 'Mobile Warning'. South Alabama mobilizes for BLM storm attack from the Gulf of Mexico.

written by Frank Michaels, 16 May 2014
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Agoraphobia sufferer beats fear after 48 years.

Unfortunately on her first trip out Nigel Farage canvasing in the street, suffered a sever relaps and is now locked in the coal cellar.

written by John_L, 01 May 2014
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Parliamentary Question

When will you ever answer Mr Cameron?

written by j.w., 01 May 2014
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Pardew Butts Out

Alan Pardew has admitted he is fighting for his job. I suppose it's better than fighting David Myler.

written by Backandtotheleft, 01 May 2014
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Malaysian Plane found: Yep, it crashed!

Moments after the relatives were told to go home from the Beijing hotel Tuesday, the Malaysian government came forth with new evidence saying that the plane had crashed and suck it.

written by Poethepoet, 01 May 2014
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Bohemian Grove

Jimmy Savile is expected to make an appearance at this years Satanic orgy at Bohemian Grove, a BBC spokesman has said.

written by Auntie Matter, 02 May 2014
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Blair and Nigel

Ex British PM, Tony Blair, has admitted he had an affair with Nigel Farage of the UKIP. "Nigel was most hospitable and he complimented me on my bottom" declared Blair. Farage refused to say anything.

written by whatinthe world, 03 May 2014
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Madness befits ex PM

In a fit of pique, former British Prime Minister, Tony Blair has detonated an IED under the Houses of Parliament in order to let them know how mad he is at the rumour mongering amongst Labour pollies

written by whatinthe world, 03 May 2014
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Gerry Adams 'Questioned For 17 Hours A Day'

.......tells reporters, "I'm feckin' determined to win this years Mastermind with my specialist subject, 'The IRA's Greatest Hits'!"

written by Herrdoktorfox, 04 May 2014
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Good evening Colonel

Fun loving admirers of index binders have crammed the streets of Wolverhampton for the bi-annual index binder parade where boring, non descript people try to invent a form of excitement. Yeah, right!

written by whatinthe world, 06 May 2014
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World Cup change

The FIFA World Cup, due to commence shortly, has been shifted from Brazil to the small island of St Helena in the south Atlantic. "We'll do a better job of it" said the island's governor. For sure.

written by whatinthe world, 06 May 2014
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Flour joke

Recently a man driving a vehicle collided with a van carrying a supply of flour. The vehicle driver absconded before authorities got to query him. Public are asked to look for abominable snowman.

written by whatinthe world, 07 May 2014
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Flood therapy

A therapist in Brighton has ceased using flood therapy when one client with chrometophobia walked away a very rich man.

written by IainB, 07 May 2014
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Tom Daly refuses to dive

Tom Daly has refused to dive in the UK Championships in Workington, because it is a hard water area.

written by IainB, 07 May 2014
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Operation Yew Tree - latest arrests

Roger De Coursey and Matthew Corbett have been arrested as part of the celebrity sex offenders campaign, operation Yew Tree because they've been sticking their hands up bear arses.

written by IainB, 07 May 2014
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A Benghazi Minute

I sat down (Benghazi) to watch (Benghazi) FOX (Benghazi) News and was sitting (Benghazi) for about two (Benghazi) minutes before I saw still another (Benghazi) story about--you guessed it--Benghazi.

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 08 May 2014
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The Sound of Pubic

Julie Andrews has appeared in an advert for STD cream singing a version of one of a classic song from The Sound of Music.
"Anal lice, Anal lice. Every morning you greet me."

written by CaptainSausage, 08 May 2014
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Donald Sterling condemns North Korea's Obama 'monkey' insult

LA Clippers owner, Donald Sterling has condemned descriptions in North Korean state media of President Obama as a "crossbreed" and a "wicked black monkey".

written by Moose, 09 May 2014
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Ravel's Opera Discovered

An opera by Ravel called 'The Nightmare' has been found about Sam Allardyce being sacked by West Ham to become manager of Queen's Park Rangers just after Ravel has signed a contract to play for QPR.

written by j.w., 10 May 2014
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Eurovision fix?

Conchita was always going to win Eurovision, they're biased towards transvestites; even their website was Eurovision.tv

written by IainB, 10 May 2014
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Hodgson names England team.

.........books day trip to Brazil!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 12 May 2014
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Boko Haram asked to change their name

Terry Reid of Procol Harum has asked Nigerian terrorist group Boko Haram to change their name. "When it's said with a Nigerian accent," he said, "it sounds too much like the band and it's confusing."

written by IainB, 13 May 2014
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"Kardashians Take Over Crimea" TV series cancelled due to insensitivity accusations

More soon...

written by Patrick Parkinson, 15 May 2014
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"Evil" Sat Nav leads innocent drivers to grizzly death

More soon...

written by Patrick Parkinson, 15 May 2014
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Final Hobbit film's end credits to be turned into HBO mini-series

More soon...

written by Patrick Parkinson, 15 May 2014
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VA Chief Breaks Down at Senate Hearing

VA head Eric Shinseki broke down and cried as he offered remarks at Vet Affairs Senate hearing this morning. Plaintively wailing "I can't take it anymore," Shinseki was led away by his aide-de-camp.

written by Joaquin Closet, 15 May 2014
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Pentagon planning for Zombie Apocalypse...

To save the world, anything walking, speaking, thinking or eating anything at all... will be killed on site.
Film at 11.

written by Frank Michaels, 15 May 2014
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Sparks and Mensa new clothing

Sparks and Mensa's new clothing range, cardigans that are worn only on the back, called Bacadis, have been recalled when it was found having five of them makes the owner fall over.

written by IainB, 16 May 2014
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Little Rat Becomes PM

A little rat has won the the vote of prime minister! He'll take office on Monday. He's promised more cheese, cables (not Vince) and spinny wheels. Everyone must also have their tails inspected monthly

written by Matt Brown, 16 May 2014
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Nigel Farage sends Google a Forget Me Request

The UKIP leader hopes that if the search engine stops pointing to all the racists things he's said in the past he might just be able to fool some more people into voting for him.

written by John_L, 17 May 2014
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Latest Polls Show Most People Think Polls Are Stupid.

Recent surveys have found that most people believe surveys are a stupid waste of time, and the few people who thought otherwise turned out to be really stupid.

written by Kirby Hancock, 18 May 2014
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Hammer Blow

Manager at West Ham is now likely to be Moyes or Rednapp as Allardyce finds blowing 0-0 bubbles in East London is winning him few friends.

written by j.w., 20 May 2014
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Quentin Tarantino Publishes Autobiography.

"It's Okay to Murder People" he calls it. Foreword by Charles Manson, illustrated by George Bush. Published by Lucifer Press. Buy one, get one free.

written by Auntie Matter, 20 May 2014
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Mayor Ford Denies All

This morning, in his first public press conference since his release from rehab, Toronto mayor Rob Ford told reporters: "I have never denied denying my failure to admit to being in denial."

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 31 May 2014
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Mayor Ford Denies All

This morning, in his first public press conference since his release from rehab, Toronto mayor Rob Ford told reporters: "I have never denied denying my failure to admit to being in denial."

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 21 May 2014
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Elections could be Void

The Government is proposing that any election that does not get a 50% turnout should be invalid.

written by j.w., 22 May 2014
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News just in

A Bolton man has admitted he ate his brother-in-law's fine dining chair. Saying "I ate it with shallotts done in a wonderful garlic sauce", the man refused to apologise because he's non repentant.

written by whatinthe world, 23 May 2014
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More news...

Persons describing themselves as "wickedly boring" have converged on the town Huddersfield in an attempt to drive the local populace to tedium. So far two thousand seven hundred people have succumbed.

written by whatinthe world, 23 May 2014
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Rapper Flo Rida to Wed

Last night, rapper Flo Rida announced his engagement to his long time companion, hip-hop queen I da Ho. Though the couple has yet to set a wedding date, they plan to spend their honeymoon in Dahomey.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 24 May 2014
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Scientist and skeleton

A scientist has discovered a dinosaur skeleton under his bed. He was surprised at first until he realised he built the thing when he was twelve years of age. Ha, even scientists fool themselves.

written by whatinthe world, 26 May 2014
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Spork Named National Eating Utensil

Spork named national eating utensil by Congress. The bill was introduced by Bill "Colonel" Sanders of Maine, the largest spork-producing state. President Obama is expected to sign the bill.

written by Catchthisdrift, 27 May 2014
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Minogue sisters arrested over attempted bribery

The Minogue sisters, Dannii and Kylie, have been arrested over charges of attempted bribery of a disabled citizen.
It is alleged the pair attempted to bribe a disabled person with flowers.

written by erikals1, 28 May 2014
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LibDem Disaster

Con Vinced Deputy Clegg Shot Beside Oak Tree

written by j.w., 28 May 2014
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Mice and men

A Church of England rector, David Althorpe, has been kidnapped by a gang of field mice. The calculating rodents are asking for a ransom of 300 kilos of Edam cheese and 400 kilos of Swiss cheese. Oh!!

written by whatinthe world, 29 May 2014
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Wet Wet Wet

A classic song by Billy Ocean has been re-released after being used in a new TV advert for KY Jelly. Promoters are certain that "Love Really Hurts Without You" will hit the number one spot this week.

written by CaptainSausage, 29 May 2014
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Kate's Bottom Snapped

Royal complaint at bare cheek of the press.

written by j.w., 30 May 2014
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King Kong Files Monster Lawsuit..

... demands new movie or a slice of the royalties from Godzilla.
Judge faints when grabbed up by big ape and kissed.

written by Frank Michaels, 30 May 2014
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Obamacare saves first life!

Convicted murderer on death-row in Texas was able to have kidney transplant thanks to the ACA.

written by Frank Michaels, 30 May 2014
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Tree says inflammatory thing

Simon Sycamore has been branded a snob today after declaring that he was the greatest tree in the land. He was well advised to remember his roots the next time he decided to open his big trunkhole.

written by Matt Brown, 30 May 2014
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I put a spell on you.

Asda's England flag looks like a KKK costume....Tesco retaliate with BOGOF deal on fiery crosses, Sainsburys offer carrier bags with eye holes and the Co-Op merely closes early!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 30 May 2014
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