Order by:
Rating:

President Obama Declares Snow Day Everywhere

President Obama, in accordance with the record snowfall in the US, declared a nation-wide snow day today. He invited the rest of the world to follow. "We all need a snow day once in awhile," he said.

written by Al N., 06 January 2014
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Obama Warned of 'Excessively High Temperatures' in November.

"The Puck Stops Here!"

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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Tulsa Hits Record Low.

And I was only 24 hours from there, so I turned around. (Tribute to Gene Pitney).

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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'Exposed skin may freeze in less than five minutes'.

So I'd do my business while inside somewhere no matter if you can hold it in or not.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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Liz Cheney Quits WY Senate Race

Her exit happened after hunting accident where her dad, Dick Cheney, hit her with rifle butt. When she came to, awareness of being a stupid homophobe & a total political incompetent made her quit.

written by Keith Shirey, 06 January 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #895

According to Snoops: if you are a Capricorn, it is safe for you to eat a can if it is clean and not rusted.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #166

According to Snoops: For only a small $10 donation, a man in Treasure Island, Florida will name a crab after your mother-in-law and send her the photo!

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #039

According to Snoops: The Tyrannosaurus Rex had a three-foot long barbed penis. Just another reason they were feared and hated even by their own kind!

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Welcome to the Polar Vortex! #7

"It is so cold that the Ohio River has been turned in to the Ohio Skating Rink."

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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Welcome to the Polar Vortex! #6

It's so cold that, "only people like 'Al' and 'Ed' have enough time to write their names in the snow."

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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Welcome to the Polar Vortex! #5

t is so cold in northern Minnesota citizens say they saw a pack of polar bears headed south.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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Welcome to the Polar Vortex! #4

Half of those volunteers for first trip to colonize Mars back out after freeze here.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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Welcome to the Polar Vortex! #3

House burns in Wisconsin as water from Firehose evaporates before it can hit flames.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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Welcome to the Polar Vortex! #2

King out playing hockey on ice squats behind bushes and has to be rescued by Fire Department as feces froze between him and ground.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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Welcome to the Polar Vortex!

Man in Michigan bangs his head on his own cold breath.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

North Korea's Kim Asks For Talks With Japan

Ai says that Kim has had nightmares about Godzilla over two weeks now.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Rodman and ex-NBA All Stars arrive in North Korea

All players taken to jail. Kim demand daily games until U.S. coughs up ten billion dollars. "Not so dumb am I not?"

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Beginnings Of The Flat Earth Theory

I bet the Flat Earth thing started when those ships going towards North America got lost and some of them went over Niagara Falls. "Go back! Go back! They have fell over the edge of the earth!"

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Chicago Breaks Cold Record #4

It was so cold that paper boys throwing newspapers saw them shatter into thousands of pieces!

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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Chicago Breaks Cold Record #3

It was so cold in Chicago that delivery boys were running in place till you brought them their change.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Chicago Breaks Cold Record #2

The squirrels in the park were wrapping their tails around an electric fence!

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Chicago breaks 96-year-old cold record!

It was so cold in Chicago today that there were over 60 people calling ambulance to get there metal cereal spoon out of their mouths

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Amsterdam Alcoholics Paid In Beer For Collecting Litter

'Many of the English middle-classes are paid in the same way,' said a spokesman for the CBI. 'It's just that they're given the money first, so they can choose their type of alcohol.'

written by Swan Morrison, 06 January 2014
Rating:

UK Regulators To Launch Formal Investigation Of Co-op Bank

Investors are invited to make a well-known phrase or saying from the words: Stable, The, Closing, Bolted, The, After, Horse, Has and Door.

written by Swan Morrison, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Obama flies back to Washington - without Michelle

"It was colder in Hawaii than it is here, if you know what I mean", says the President.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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Pope calls for fresh Church approach to children of gay parents

"We need to place these children as soon as possible after parents placed in dungeon!"

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Crop circle mystery solved: It was all just a marketing stunt

Aliens from Planet Obiggio are opening a new store chain to rival that of WalMart!

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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Hillary Clinton inches closer to 2016 decision, while some say she's already decided

"You make me sound like an Inchworm", she tells reporters Monday.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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CNN: Former WH Official Says Obama's 'Maybe' Not Good at Governing.

Well, NOW it's a little late to finally see that, not that the previous three were any big step up!

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

World bears striking similarity with build-up to First World War.

Einstein: I don't know how World War Three will turn out but World War Four will be fought with clubs and rocks!"

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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Feds list 141 new regulations -- in 3 days.

This same headline has been near top on Drudge --for 3 days!

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Human body parts 'fall from sky'.

Funeral home says client had asked for his remains to be scattered by airplane but didn't want to be cremated or anything like that.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Growing number of seniors caring for other seniors.

"We paid for our retirement by working for 40 years and the government gives it all away in a year, much of it to other countries."

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

UFO 'forced pilot to duck'.

This should be considered because the AFLAC duck is well known and has a good character.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

FBI Edits Mission Statement: Removes Law Enforcement as 'Primary' Purpose.

Also changing it's name to the FB Spy.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

It Is Really Cold in the South Also.

It's so cold in Cookeville, Tennessee the buzzards are walking around dead carcuses.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Arctic birds seen in Florida

Al Gore spotted with albatross hanging around his neck!

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

South Pole warmer than Chicago's O'Hare.

Still, most pilots are laning their planes at O'Hare because of selfishness among passengers.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

House On Fire early This Year

The Olsons of International Falls, Minnesota set their house on fire this morning in order for the town not to freeze and allow everyone outside for supplies. Each year a different family volunteers!

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #149

According to Snoops: President Jimmy Carter is semi-dyslexic. He once bought Rosalynn dairy to keep her private note in.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #909

According to Snoops: The expression "neck of the woods" comes from early settlers who had to go out in the woods to crap in peace. The original saying was "naked in the woods".

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #034

According to Snoops: The mousetrap was invented by Joe "Knothead" Lindsay, after stepping on a rake a dozen times while trying to eat a cheese sandwich.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #905

According to Snoops: Rush Limbaugh has been pepper-sprayed nearly 100 times and has been forced to go to the Betty Ford Clinic for Pepper-Spray addiction.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Piste off!

German PM Angela Merkel injured in skiing accident.
MEMO to self, must buy David Cameron some ski's.

written by Herrdoktorfox, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Sport Switch Surprise

Sam Allardyce is to take over as England cricket coach in a swap with Adrian Flowers who is to manage West Ham.

written by j.w., 06 January 2014
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Cricket Demise Surprise

Flowers for the Funeral to bury the ashes.

written by j.w., 06 January 2014
Rating:

Brakeing news

I braked just in time to miss the car in front.

written by j.w., 06 January 2014
Rating:

Breaking News

I broke a plate in our kitchen today.

written by j.w., 06 January 2014
Rating:

Go Finger

I'm all for texting, but my thumbs oppose.

written by Michael Balton, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Over 500 F-Bombs Fly on "Wolf of Wall Street" -

Which arguably makes it the "swearing-est" movie of all time, even comparing it to other profane notables like Casino, and Nil By Mouth, and Alpha Dog. How's about saying "darn," and "shucks"?

written by Samuel Vargo, 06 January 2014
Rating:

"Duck Dynasty" to take on a more serious Evangelistic tone -

With all the silliness gone, they'll now be competing with infomercials and QVC. And they'll be broadcast in the dead of night on OWN.

written by Samuel Vargo, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Fake Facebook likes, Twitter followers, and YouTube views abound -

Creating a host of fake celebrities and jacked-up ratings for wannabes and posers. Even The Spoof has 100,000 spider monkeys trained to click on its stories so we can rival the big guys.

written by Samuel Vargo, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Rookie Cop Stops Car With Body in Back!

"Of course it's a body, you idiot! I'm driving a hearse. I'm taking it to the cemetery. See that line of cars stopped behind me?"

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Mountain Lion Terrorizes California Neighborhood

Families are worried that the wild animal may prey on pets that get in its path. Oh yeah, it might kill some kids too.

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

SEN. SCHUMER: 'Insulting' to Call Unemployment Benefits a Disservice

How about congress and White House calling money you paid for retirement, "entitlements"?

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Fracking Contamination Found in Well Water in 4 States

Yosemite Sam: Why those dirty fracking whack-a-fracks!

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

UPDATE: NSA won't say if spies on Congress.

"Of course they do", says Mitch McConnell. "My spies have caught them at it a number of times."

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

STUDY: Dogs Relieve Themselves In Line With Earth's Magnetic Field.

Well, this is the news we all been waiting for! The big questions have all been answered. What's next?

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

SOAP OPERA: MSNBC Host Cries During On-Air Apology. Romney accepts.

Bernie Madoff: "If I cry, can I be forgiven too?" Charles Manson: "If I'm crying am I a dyin' hoopitty hoop! Sniff! I'm a baaaad boy! Hello Wormwood!"

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Human body parts 'fall from sky' in Saudi

Now that has to be a bad Oman (Bad pun, sorry).

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

Chicago Teachers Union demand schools be closed

Some of these same people were at the Al Gore rallies a few years back, weren't they?

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
Rating:

49ers, Packers play in crazy cold.

Crowd being watched closely for any going completely beezerk!

written by Bureau, 06 January 2014
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