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Rating:

President Obama Only 39% Approval

"It doesn't mean a thing, these polls",he stated today. "It's like 15% of all wrecks are caused by alcohol. That means the other 85% were caused by non-alcohol drivers. Are we safer when we're drunk?"

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #182

According to Snoops: In the Middle East women are sometimes beaten for their next offense which won't be long coming.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #127

According to Snoops: "Hoss" Cartwright got his nickname from the time Ben's horse went lame and he had to ride piggyback on his son to get food in a really bad winter.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #883

According to Snoops: Yellowstone Park hotel has largest log hotel in the world, being over six floors high. Note: Elevator in middle of floor. No sides.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #773

According to Snoops: Iguanas in Virgin Islands Park can fall 40-50 feet on hard surface and survive..but become sterile.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Barbara Walters Has Dignity Interrupted

Falls on her ass in the snow after heading for car. Immediately pays photography $1,000 for video. Someone got a snapshot but you can't tell who or what it is with arms and legs flying.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Obamas aked about so many pictures now on White house walls?

We were told VP Cheney shot the place up right after the GOP loses in 2008.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Queen asked Why She Doesn't Camilla Tell What to Wear

I feel grandmother-ish around Kate. Camilla would the same the same in a tank dress!

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Are we mad at the French again?

I was looking, window shopping downtown and I saw they had Freedom Ticklers.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Love this treadmill-powered oven.

Jog on it for an hour and you get two free long johns with custard centers or three regular doughnuts.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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What's You Hiding there Larry King?

"OK OK. It's the latest Nursing Home Playgals. Want a peek?" "No it's lunch time and I need to go." "We got stewed prunes on spam! Get's your gooner going!" "No thanks. Mine died a few minutes ago."

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Former VP Dick Cheney Still Denies Global Warming

While he's outdoor doing some shooting at Wyoming home. "Got some cold Bud in the fridge." (Told it's snowing). "Course it's snowing, no global warming. Don't you know satire when you hear it?

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Attention World Travelers

If you want to get the attention of someone, just undress and do the Macarena. It pretty well works everywhere but Islamic countries, which you need to skip anyway.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Global Warming Pretty Much Welcomed

Natives and newcomers alike agree that the fact that Alaska is melting is bringing them all closer together.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

So the Denver Broncos Lost? Light up a reefer.

Take your shoes off. No use beating a dead horse. When that first hike went by his head, many heard Manning say, "Hey dude what was that thing? It nearly got me."

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Dylan Sells Out

Dylan is Dylan, deal with it. He sold out to folk, invented folk rock, sold out to Country, put Nashville on top, sold out to become Christian, sold out to anyone else who wanted to put him in a box.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Winter storm sweeps into U.S. Plains, 10 inches of snow expected

Two more behind this one. Apparently this is not going to quit for some time. Spring tornadoes worse than this so I'm not complaining (or not much!)

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Zuckerberg Celebrates Facebook's Birthday with Rite of Passage

Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook CEO, celebrated the social dynamo's tenth anniersary by doing something he hasn't done before. Facebook's puberty fete coincided with Zuckerberg shaving for the first time.

written by Trinculoman, 04 February 2014
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Senator Mark Warner is not a Belieber.

Wants Justin Bieber deported. He is not alone in this. "Nothing but a troublemaker says opposite-side Senator but off the record.(pun intended)

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Fry Cook Shifted to Part-Time Work Confronts Obama

"You have every country upset at us and now you are upsetting the ones who voted for you!"

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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The Clown who could be king!

Prince Chaz follows Phil the Greeks penchant for classic gaffe's by describing Somerset floods as; "jolly good disaster".........and to think, this inbred klutz could one day be KING....jeez!!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 04 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #371

According to Snoops: More than 200 different kind of birds fly Through Utah's Birdshit Mountain every year. It has never been climbed.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #702

According to Snoops: Log cabins were named that because they were made from logs, although some historians doubt that fact even today.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #190

According to Snoops: Country music artist Grandpa Jones was born with a white mustache, hair and whiskers. Some people say that is why his parents named him Grandpa.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #177

According to Snoops: Joshua Tree in California is home to tarantulas that have 2-3 inch bodies, 4-foot-foot long legs and a 5 inch head. Locals in Palm Spring call them Kerry Spiders.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Royal Rescue to Somerset Floods

Benevolent Prince Charles generously donates £50,000 of other people's money to the Somerset crisis. What a man.

written by Talking Tic-Tacs, 04 February 2014
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Wife of KIA Army sniper faults President for ignoring dead soldiers.

Not only the President but also the Press once Bush left the Oval office. Where are the protesters now?

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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NYC awash in cheap opium.

Lots of flights from Denver now non stop to New York City!

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Most powerful laser weapon tested for first time

The military apologize to those who were directly opposite for three hundred miles. Will reimburse damages to autos, fees for funerals.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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CLAIM: Pediatrician waterboarded 12-year-old.

Police say they will waterboard pediatrician to get at the truth.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Students Sign Petition To Have Gun Owners Executed In Concentration Camps.

By firing squads I guess. This is why no one is hiring these people and older folks still employed.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Shouting Barbara Walters Defends Woody Allen Against Dylan Farrow #2

"The next thing you know is that priests have abused little boys!!"

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Shouting Barbara Walters Defends Woody Allen Against Dylan Farrow

"We perverts must stick together. So all these things that Woody has been accused of, have to be wrong. I dress up like Hitler sometimes. We're all weird in some way or another."

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

WOODY ALLEN NIGHTMARE: An Open Letter From Dylan Farrow.

"Hey, hey Woody Allen I wrote you a letter! About a crazy old stepdad that's not getting better!" (B. Dylan tribute)

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Congress Took 1,887 Free Trips in '13.

Citizens organizations want law passed that they can only go to Denver. "They can go anywhere after that, by just lighting up." Saves us billions.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

AP: Cabin fever sets in amid relentless cold, snow.

Suicide has now become the number one killer. Most divorces in years as couples cannot get out of one another's sight. "Do you HAVE to scratch your privates Every morning?"

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

U.S. Back into the Space Race.

Send dog into space to orbit the earth three times before landing. "We did it!" yells President, holding newspaper in the air for Press pics.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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China and India in Space Race #2

"Makes sense", says Houston. "They are the ones who need more room for their populations."

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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China, India Now in Space Race

The United States is broke and Russian leaders kept busy with the Olympics!

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Jerry Brown Rips GOP Effort To Address Drought As 'Unwelcome, Divisive Intrusion'.

GOP: You elect a nutcase and now he's a old prune. We just stated that the rain in Brown's brain has made it plain.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Residents Upset With Name Of New Middle Eastern Restaurant, 'The Bomb'.

Owners say it's a great idea."People come in wary, probably on a dare, and don't hag around too long."

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Game Most-Watched in History With 111.5 Million Viewers.

Most say they ate and drank and waited for the next funny commercial! "After the first quarter, why watch it?" say viewers.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Man Who Sold Coyote Coat To Joe Namath Says Business Booming Since Super Bowl.

PETA will begin running ads with Wile E. Coyote to condemn it!

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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JUSTICE SOTOMAYOR: Labeling Illegals as 'Criminals' is Insulting.

Then why are they called illegal? Is labeling crooks as crooks wrong? How about killers? Does that mean they just had a bad day?

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #667

According to Snoops: Poet and writer Edgar Allen Poe's actual name was Edgar Allen Pole, but he changed it thinking that no one with a name like Pole would be taken seriously!

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #126

According to Snoops: A Squirrel named Reggie was the first to climb to the top of a California Redwood tree.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #269

According to Snoops: The Grand Canyon is 18 miles wide and a mile deep and at least a dozen or so people who first saw and reported it to towns were shot for lying about it.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #151

According to Snoops: India's Kaziranga Park host 2,000 rhinos and once raced them in The Rhino Derby until PETA protests.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Some games already going in Russian Olmpics

Already seventeen people attending have been knocked out!

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Many witches predicted wrong team in Super Bowl

"How did we know that Denver would turn up high as a kite? We better do better ladies. You all know what is at stake!"

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
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Black Widow Spiders Newest Urban Pet Craze

uh oh

written by Wumf, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Philip Seymour Hoffman Dies

The late, great actor has been officially confirmed as the fattest ever Heroin addict

written by Talking Tic-Tacs, 04 February 2014
Rating:

French Comedian banned from UK

After Dieudonne was banned from the UK due to his perceived anti-Semitism, the French have reacted by refusing entry to Lenny Henry due to his Premier Inn adverts

written by Talking Tic-Tacs, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Its Official!

Scientists issue warning that mosquitoes are now at the top of the endangered species list, as water dries up throughout the west. So far, nobody cares.

written by Wumf, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Chipotle Mexican Grill Introduces New Fusion Burrito

Chipotle keeps up its rapid pace in avant gard Mexican cusine. Now with its innovative Chiwawa Burrito, Chipotle has again scored numero uno and will have all running to savor tasty canine bits.

written by Trinculoman, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Bob Dylan Ad For Chrysler A Fraud

One little problem . . . Dylan praised the U.S. auto industry. Chrysler Corp. had been bought out by Fiat of Italy several weeks ago.

written by Keith Shirey, 04 February 2014
Rating:

72% of all tweets about Hoffman made by people who can't name one movie he made

Three of every four Americans who've tweeted sympathy at Philip Seymour Hoffman's sudden passing have no fucking clue who he actually was. "Just seemed to be the cool thing to do," said Mikey Waters.

written by Lyndon, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Kerry admits U.S. failure in Syria

"But we have a chance at all the other problems, even if it is next to none."

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Woody Allen rejects sex abuse claim

"And all the other dozen or so that make ridiculous claims!"

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Parents upset over 'game' at middle school that asked questions like 'Do your parents Drink?"

"Do their beds squeak at night?", "Do they use sex toys?", "Is there a lot on Moaning and Groaning?"

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
Rating:

Congress Took 1,887 Free Trips in '13.

Maybe it's time to be another revolution with the Taxpayers refusing to pay anything until waste in congress and White House stopped.

written by Bureau, 04 February 2014
« Jan 2014 February 2014 Mar 2014 »
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1st
59
2nd
56
3rd
60
4th
61
5th
94
6th
84
7th
60
8th
67
9th
87
10th
75
11th
71
12th
69
13th
64
14th
77
15th
48
16th
66
17th
81
18th
63
19th
82
20th
58
21st
65
22nd
74
23rd
67
24th
77
25th
75
26th
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27th
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28th
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