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Rating:

Antarctic Ice Cap Increases at Record Rate

Tweet from MSNBC correspondent Rachel Madow Penguin -- What the F happened? Didn't South Pole get the Kerry memo on climate change? Damn ice not getting with an ideological article of faith! #Pissed!

written by Trinculoman, 19 February 2014
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DHS cancels national license plate tracking plan

After viewing Special Plates like "ASSMAN!" and "KISSIT".

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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Chinese Shoot Another Escaping Prisoner

"Some how, I don't know, they are able to get out of our Chinese handcuffs...especially the enemies of the state', says jailer.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #337

Snoops: In most pasta sauce factories, an explosion causes it's workers are not nearly as hurt than they actually seem at first.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #504

Snoops: Frogs pissing on you does not cause warts. That is silly. Warts come from an old witch that takes a disliking to you.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #991

The average man will lose 10% of the heat of their body through their uncovered heads. However, some men like John Kerry and the late Senator Kennedy, 20%!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #991

Snoops: Our nearest planet neighbor is Mars. According to Professor Ernest T. Bass, it is located somewhere past Old Man Kelsey's Woods.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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Little of Federal Horse Budget Spent on Fertility

Horses? Fertility? I think they have all gone mad in the nation's capital of Washington! Treacle!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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Historians Say Both Men & Women In Ancient wore Make-Up!

Also that there were many domestic fights over a new brand of eye shadow! Kind of like our day's Alice Cooper, I guess.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Thomas Alva Edison patents the phonograph, 1878

Then shows everyone how to do The Twist! "Round & round, the cylinder goes again!"

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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On This Date: In 1847!

Rescuers finally reach Donner Party, can't understand why several missing and others so fat.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #812

Snoops: Corn is the number one crop that is grown in America except for Washington and Colorado!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #267

Snoops: Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns according to psychiatrists. So if someone you know has this, I wouldn't be clowning around as they take this stuff seriously!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #154

Snoops: Fire ants are now being investigated as the cause of spontaneous Combustion in humans. Several biting fire ants and you flame up and explode!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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Analysis: Congress chooses easy way out on military cuts

Also, on debt ceiling, taxes, ObamaCare rules, everything else!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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Retirement Account Winners and Losers

"We cannot say for sure because it changes from day to day as ObamaCare apparently still being written after approval."

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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Uganda vows to defend 'morals' with anti-gay law.

Uganda defending morals? I think your Idi Amin was good at that also.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

NSA official charged in beating death of 3-year-old son.

And these are the people watching out for us?

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

California Cattle Leave for Texas.

First we drove them west and now we drive them east! Cattle need the water I guess.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Blackburn to Obama: Stop funding green firms that benefit Chinese investors!

How are we going to keep them from investing in the U.S., when they have almost as many of our dollars as we do?

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Ronan Farrow Wants Fans to Get 'Inappropriately Excited' Over New MSNBC Show.

What does he want us to do, fill our pants?

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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Video Catches Manager Caught Urinating In Kitchen Sink.

"I was just trying to let a certain someone that I had something special...that and a change of jobs I see."

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #112

Snoops: A duck, a sheep and a rooster were the first passengers on the first balloon flight. Actually, the rooster flew off at ten feet & ran home but he still qualifies since it had left the ground.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #144

Snoops: Baby camels are born without a hump. It doesn't get its hump until it reaches puberty.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #832

Snoops: Spiders are Arachnids. Same as scorpions, mites and ticks. Hard to chose which one is my favorite. Yours?

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #720

Snoops: An airplane has an "elevator" on its tail to allow the plane to go up or down. Do not try to get on that elevator.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #405

Scoops: Lightning can travel through phone lines. That's why, should someone ring you during a storm, don't answer. It might just be that old lightning!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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Navy Official: China Training For War With Japan.

United States may have already sold Japan weapons enough to defend themselves.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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CLAIM: PANDORA music service knows if you're Dem Or Republican by songs.

They may be right. Most Republicans never listen to their music service. They're into Radio Talk Shows!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

101-Year-Old Man Announces Campaign For Congress.

"I have more experience and seen a lot more of life than anyone else running, you can't deny me that."

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

The Government Have It Wrong

According to reports on the Evening News, the more people can work at home the more fuel we save. Wrong! Most workers say they would hurry work and head out to shop or visit.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Montgomery Nurse Leaves Career

"This was once an honorable and dedicated profession but as my mom always stated, plenty of jobs for "pencil pushers".

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Health Law's Impact Has Only Begun. #2

There seems to be more job openings in the record-keeping than for those who are trying to help people be well.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Health Law's Impact Has Only Begun.

Doctors, Specialists looking around for other careers, countries.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Fourth Georgia hospital closes due to Obamacare payment cuts.

Election promises never seem to work out well, do they?

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Woody Allen to Start Celebrity Day-Care Center

In breaking news, Woody Allen has announced that he will be starting a day-care center catering to celebrity children. Mr. Allen will be in charge of selecting and watching the chosen kids.

written by Al N., 19 February 2014
Rating:

New Scottish currency confirmed as the giro

more soon, as they get it...

written by Crunk, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Blair Steps In

The gutter

written by j.w., 19 February 2014
Rating:

Secret Memo To Bank of England Revealed

Get wages up and inflation down for the next election - then you can keep your job.

written by j.w., 19 February 2014
Rating:

Judge Deed Arrested

TV drama has Deed arrested for Terrorism offences for failing to be realistic.

written by j.w., 19 February 2014
Rating:

Homer Simpson Named as New Ambassador

Washington: Obama gave the nod to Homer Simpson as new ambassador to Denmark. "I know that Homer has never been there, but he certainly is an expert on Danish pastries," stated the President. Doh!!!

written by Trinculoman, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Waxy Rep Bieber A Hit Among Aspen Stoners

Aspen: The recently escaped wax replica of Justin Bieber gave a boffo performance to a group of stoned fans here. "Just hummed in slow motion and provided a lot of munchies-they were bonged, Dude."

written by Trinculoman, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #556

The Book of the Dead has never been read. If anyone only takes a glimpse, they'll die before they can tell you anything.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #503

Snoops: When threatened, the European common toad stands on its tiptoes to appear larger. The same ploy was once used by Napoleon!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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True Facts From Snoops #854

Snoops: Some areas on Mars are so flat that you can stand beside your spaceship and look in the distance and you will see the back of the ship and the back your head!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #341

Snoops: If you are stuck in the woods and cold, you can make a small fire with the battery of a cell phone, a little dry grass, some sticks and a match. But, why not call someone on the cell phone?

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #648

Snoops: While ostriches cannot fly, they can run fast enough to temporarily leave the ground two feet in the air!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

How I Went from $50K in Credit Card Debt to $50K in Savings

Ad: You too can hack your bank and reverse debts to savings!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

The myths of marijuana: Former DEA chief says pot legalization a 'disaster'

"Long term effect may leave you on a permanent pot view of everything, which is distorted."

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

McDonald's employee fired after she paid to feed first responders

Anonymous fireman: If a McDonalds here catches fire, I vote we let it burn!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

US, Mexico mull relaxing border for 'trusted' business travelers.

Several new cocaine for marijuana trades being proposed!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Satanist dismisses claims of accused CRAIGSLIST killer.

And you can always depend on the word of the "Father of Lies"!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

HOT POCKETS Recalled Over 'Diseased And Unsound Animal' Contents.

"Gimmee Three Steps!" towards the bathroom and you won't see me eating any more.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

WIRE: Worsening Divorce Rate Points to Improving Economy.

Does this mean that the economy improves when couples divorce? Do gay marriages lead to bad economy?

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Arctic-Dwelling Snowy Owls Spread To 25 States.

And boy are they happy to have a bigger area to live in! "Call us Snowbirds", one hoots.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Rowling Writes New Book

J.K.Rowling has written a new book to be released in September 2016. Editor has yet to be announced.

written by Auntie Matter, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Google Street View Vehicle Accidentally Runs Over Last Surviving Member Endangered Species

Ivory Billed Woodpecker was run over accidentally in Florida by street view vehicle. "Sorry" says Google "won't happen again."

written by VWVonHagen, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Emerald Isle in the Red

The national debt piles up in Ireland, making them think of a name change.

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
Rating:

"Wee Man" From Jackass Movie Mistaken for Leprechaun

The little guy was accosted by a passersby and severely beaten before he was able to make it clear that he didn't know the location of any "pot 'o'gold".

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Doo-Wop Band Cited for Infringment of Italian Rights

Funny nobody noticed it in the Fifties. But then everybody was biased back then.

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Snow in Boston, Climate Unchanged So Far This Winter

Scientists are using special laser instruments to determine if this year's snowfall is different than one hundred years ago when scientists used classroom rulers to determine snowfall.

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Hollywood Starlet Does Something

News agencies are pretty sure that somewhere a young famous woman from either television or the movie industry is behaving in a way that will get in the news.

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
Rating:

North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-un....

world's youngest dictator......world's oldest teenager.

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
Rating:

What is worse than frozen garbage piling up in New York City?

thawing garbage piling up in New York City!

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
Rating:

What is worse than garbage piling up in New York City?

frozen garbage piling up in New York City!

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
Rating:

House of Commons Dissolves into Limerick Fest

Important votes and committees were held up for hours today as the UK politicos became mired in an all-out rhyming war.
"What rhymes with Nantucket?" MP Sanjay Halliburton asked a bystander.

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Leprechaun Killed on the A5

"They're fast, but not fast enough to try to run across during rush-hour!" quipped Surrey highway worker, Clive Bittlesbottom. Bittlesbottom had brought along his snow shovel to do some wee scooping.

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
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Psoriasis Deemed Hardest Disease Name to Recover From

Although modern medical science has achieved major breakthroughs with the skin malady, most feel that its name causes too much suffering.

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
Rating:

"Kiss Me I'm Irish" Banned from Ugly "Fratboy" T-shirts

"Only good looking and hopefully also Irish college students will be allowed to use the term", said Punter O'Callahan, Ireland's official terminology chief. "We've also forbade people saying "Lassie".

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
Rating:

New Convenience Store Chain Opens in Colorado....

called "24-7: Your One Stop Pot Shop"

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
Rating:

In 1930, photographic evidence of Pluto (now designated a "dwarf planet") was discovered by Clyde W. Tombaugh

Incidentally Clyde W. Tombaugh himself was a dwarf!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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On this day in history

The California Supreme Court struck down and killed the state's death penalty.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

100% of the World's Humans....

are genetically related!

written by Wumf, 19 February 2014
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Asteroid zips by Earth in close call

A little late on that one, Sport. Oh, you probably didn't want to worry us.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

Nun, 84, Gets Three Years Jail for Nuke Complex Break-In

"I thought that if I suddenly could glow at night, they might give me Sainthood!"

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #610

According to Snoops: Strings of dried apples were found with the 4500-year old Queen of Ur in Iraq. Actually, because of the dry climate, she pretty much looked like an Apple-Head Doll herself.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #714

According to Snoops: Morning Glory flowers open up in the mornings sun but close when the sun sets. You'd think they would be called an Evening Glory by then, but you'd be wrong.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #403

According to Snoops: Female barn swallows are attracted to the beautiful tail of the male, where it's exactly the opposite of humans.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #613

According to Snoops: More than 50,000 songs have the word "Heart" in them, usually love songs instead about the organ itself, as they are pretty gross actually.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #092

According to Snoops: UFO sightings have long been linked to AREA 51 in Nevada. But most scientists and aliens deny they have ever been near there.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

True Facts From Snoops #176

According to Snoops: Peregrine falcons can fly 117 Miles Per Hour and stop on a Mime!

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
Rating:

AT&T Claims Surveillance on 35,000 User Accounts.

Is there any public company that is not spying on Americans, I thank you.

written by Bureau, 19 February 2014
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