Order by:
Rating:

Old Hippy Glad Woodstock Was In The Rain

"Just a few outdoor portable potties. Once the rain came, there were sighs everywhere."

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Sticker shock often follows insurance cancellation

Then you get shock treatments, out early for shock probation. These are shocking times.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Severe storm stretches from Texas to Northeast

"Found a big ten-gallon hat in my front yard this morning", says Massachusetts resident, Arnold Lemon.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

American Arrested in France

I know they are allowed to pinch a gal or a guy on the cheek but that drunk old fart had a bad aim and pinched my balls.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Americans Definitely Getting Fatter

New book "How To Wipe Your Tail When You Can't Reach It" by Kirstie Alley reaches the Top Ten Bestsellers.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Hubble helps discover new planet almost like Earth's twin!

The new recently launched space telescope has already found another earth-like planet, only difference is that Wiley Coyote has consumed over 400 roadrunners in their cartoons. He really is a genius.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Smothers Brothers Listen In

After bugging parents house: "See. You heard it with your own ears. Mom ALWAYS liked you the best!"

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Cable TV Dropping Like Flies #2

People are dropping cable, satellite & the internet to listen into bugging devices they are purchasing illegally. "We paid $300 & all we hear is your old man farting whenever your Mum leaves the room.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Cable TV Dropping Like Flies

People are dropping cable and even the internet to listen into bugging devices they are now purchasing illegally. "Did you hear what your Mama just called me?"

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Hillary Clinton Sounding Presidential

"We must make a move on Iran soon or it will be too late. They will have nucklar weapons ready to go! What? What? Why is everyone laughing?"

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Pumpkins 'stuffed full with cocaine' seized at Canadian airport

Police became suspicious when Pumpkins tried to go through customs

written by ExiledRoyal, 02 November 2013
Rating:

High School Segregates Students at Lunch Based on Grades.

Principal: "Remember, you blockheads take your lunch outside and sit on those concrete benches near the dumpster."

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Jacksonville Loses Again!

This one doesn't count as an official loss since it was against Bluford High School for practice game, Bluford 42, Jacksonville 3.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Top Hospital Suspends Black Lung Program

Coal miners told sickness not caused by decades underground. Sounds like Obamacare is already at it.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

China to end use of prisoners' organs for transplants in mid-2014

"Meanwhile, we have a two-for-one sale", say exporters! "You guys know what I mean?"

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Obama to Congress: end 'manufactured crises'

"How can we when most of our manufacturers have gone elsewhere?", replies Congress.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Jaguars WR Blackmon suspended indefinitely

"Lucky devil", say other team members.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Food Banks getting ready for a run!

"I hope everybody loves rice and beans because that will be the only things left after the dust settles", says manager. "Want to contribute? #1 Peanut butter. #2. Jelly. Everybody wants that."

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Beware Crooked Health Care

Government warning citizens about fake health insurance calling asking for money. So far, more people have signed up for Wedontcare than Obamacare. "Saved $100" say many!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

The Jonas Brothers Split Up

They say it's over all those fake stupid stories on the Spoof about them breaking up.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

New pill could solve Missouri's meth problem

Pill makers used in meth take out meds and replace them with explosives. (Regular pills behind counter.)

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Security Camera at Local McDonald's Shows No Break-ins

However, the videos over six months show average loyal customers gaining average of fifteen pounds each. NSA say their cameras show the same thing.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Maine's volcanoes (yes, Maine) among world's biggest

"Don't worry", says Home Security. "We have Jessica Fletcher keeping a close eye one them."

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Obamacare glitches are "just the tip of the iceberg," GOP says

"Lettuce dig deeper", say congressman Dan Coats.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Cruz's dad: Send Obama back to Kenya

Relatives there say they may protest if this happens.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

The week's best photographs

"I apologize, they're in my other purse", says reporter, (on her last day at work.)

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Obamacare had 6 early takers #2

No one in Washington DC has signed on at last report. But it's only been talked about for almost 5 years.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Obamacare had 6 early takers

Thus far, President himself hasn't signed up. "President called in over 200 times, never got through.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Mayor upset over crack accusations

"OK OK! I'll buy special made pants that stretch more!!"

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Mac and cheese to be less yellow

Thus far, only a little over a hundred suicides over the announcement.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

'Third sex' recognized legally

Even if it's not on your wedding night or during honeymoon.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

On Facebook, a growing teenage wasteland

Most say they are no longer interested in 'who wore what to where, happy birthday, here's an old pic of your great great grandprune!'

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

300-lb. NFL lineman teased off team?

After letting loose a high-pitched, very loud scream when a mouse ran from under his locker.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Taliban leader reported killed, again

"These guys are tougher to bring down than bin Laden", says trooper. "We have to kill them twice."

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

African pirates rake in millions

"We Arrrrrrrrrrrr ready to take on bigger spoils", says leaderrrr!

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
Rating:

Bad Bank

The Bad Bank has to stand in the corner. The Good Bank has to carry on until the Bad Bank has learnt to behave itself.

written by j.w., 02 November 2013
Rating:

There Goes U.S. Last Friend

Israel 'furious' with White House for leak on Syria strike.

written by Bureau, 02 November 2013
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