Spoof news snippets from Thursday 7 March 2013
'EU Politics Undermining Satire', Complain Humourists
'Events in Greece, Italy and other European countries are more bizarre than anything we can invent,' said a spokesman for the Society of Satirists. 'Each insane idea we have gets topped by real life.'
Fergie to discuss Rooney situation at press conference
"Wayne who?"
WAYNE ROONEY TO LEAVE MANCHESTER UNITED!
just after training at 12.30pm tomorrow. Off home to watch CBBC no doubt.
MP Resigns Over Breathing Incident
'When accused of breathing, he instinctively denied it and arranged an illegal cover-up,' said a party spokesman. 'Breathing, of course, is OK. As usual, the unnecessary lies led to the resignation.'
Vicky Pryce found GUILTY!
Vicky Pryce has been found guilty of being married to a Liberal-Democrat and has been given a life-sentence.
Vicky Pryce found guilty of taking husbands speeding points
Struggling QPR manager Harry Redknapp has put in a bid for the points, but was told the transfer window has closed.
Chavez Jokes Cut Short by People Not Knowing Who He Is
The internet today struggled to make jokes about the death of Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez due to not knowing who he is. "Hu-gone?" said one commenter, scratching his neckbeard. "I don't have a clue"
Lord Sugar wrote me off, claims Apprentice winner
I always thought Stella English was a beer label.
Warner Music Group owner invests £40m in Daisy streaming service
But shockingly zero investment in a daisy-cutting service.
Fox News chief calls Obama 'lazy' in new book
Roger Ailes labels Joe Biden 'dumb' and Newt Gingrich 'a prick' in official book released ahead of unauthorised account.
Somebody at Fox News involved in controversy - shirley not?
Boris Johnson agrees to BBC documentary about his life
Surely the Comedy Channel would have been more appropriate?
Bonnie Tyler to represent UK in Eurovision song contest
No Jedward this year - hoooray!
Oh hang on a minute - they were representing Ireland...
Official Charts Company to launch Christian music chart.
"In at number 10 - Cumbaya m'lord cumbaya gangnam remix! Sensational!
Welcome to the future of entertainment
3 mobile ad featuring moonwalking Shetland pony attracts 3m YouTube views.
Coincidence? Shirley not.
BBC's Mark Thompson took a licence fee payer-funded trip to New York, six months before announcing job at New York Times.
Senior BBC executive claims 6p for a phone call
Haven't they heard of Skype?
Jon Stewart to take 12-week break from The Daily Show
The English are taking over! Step forward john Oliver...
Microsoft fined $561m for not offering alternatives to its own browser.
They offered to pay at the rate of $5 dollars a week.
Microsoft fined for not offering a choice of browsers.
I only popped in for a pair of trousers.
BBC drama 'Mayday' filmed in Dorking
The most exciting thing to happen in Dorking since... nope, I can't think of anything.
Santander ad starring Jessica Ennis criticised as 'the worst ever made'.
Hang on a mo, what about the Go Compare adverts?
Tesco launches rival to Netflix and Lovefilm
I hope theirs no trace of horse meat in this rival?
Channel 5's Celebrity Wedding Planner to feature Helen Flanagan, Pete Burns and John McCririck
What could possibly go wrong?
Seb Coe & Steve Cram to team up for Who Wants to be a Millionaire? charity special
I bet Steve Ovett could have beat them.
Lego and The Sun newspaper end 2 year partnership
They've fallen apart, I mean broken up,
Lego is believed to be in pieces.
David cameron gives speech in the north about HS2
Thats 'High Speed 2' not Hop Scotch 2.
Open letter: Dear Srallen
Give me £100K pa and I will happily make the fucking coffee
Sincerely
(electronically signed)