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Dateline: July, 1943! Whole world at war!

Neville Chamberlain urges restraint! "Here now! Stop that!"

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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John Kerry Talks To Egypt

Kerry urges Egypt's political leaders to help their country 'take a step back from the brink and ...AAhhhhhh!!' "Someone give me a hand up!"

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Perfect Place For Weiner?

German engineering company Siemens to replace its CEO following profit warning.

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Latest On The Protests !

So far today, there have been over 40 nations that did not have a protest against government! Way to go guys! Let's get the message out to the other 151!

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Wieners in NYC now spelled 'weiners'

Anthony Weiner is getting so unpopular in NYC that 'wieners' (hotdogs) are now being spelled 'wieners'. One hotdog mfg. even uses the new slogan, 'stick a fork in him, he's cooked!'

written by Samuel Vargo, 27 July 2013
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U.N. and Syria say chemical arms talks were 'productive'

At least that's what those waiting outside door assume. However, it has been over 48 hours now.

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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NIH scientist discovers anti-Alzheimer's gene in mice

Dr. Al Schiemerz found a gene that prevents Alzheimer's in mice, but, a victim himself of the disease, cannot remember whether humans also have the gene. "Maybe it will come to me," he hopes.

written by Gee Pee, 27 July 2013
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Indiana State University honors Larry Bird

Indiana State University, Home of the Hoosiers, honored basketball star Larry Bird with a statue of the pro player poised to shoot a hoop. The pedestal reads, "White men can't shoot (except Larry.)"

written by Gee Pee, 27 July 2013
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Warm weather means early Calif. wine grape harvest

Woohoo! Plenty of good ole' Two-Buck Chuck for everybody!

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Syria says rebels killed 123 people in north, majority civilians

"Plus hundreds of baby puppies, kittens, ponies and little lambs that were eating ivy."

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Rocket blasts off from Florida with military communications satellite

"But we promise to use it only for peaceful purposes", says President Obama. "Not like Iran!"

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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China's He wins Women's 3m springboard gold

Former gold metal woman from once East Germany says she feels sorry for He. "I'd change my name if I were He."

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Thousands take to streets in Germany to protest US surveillance of Internet

German government agrees to swap their information on Americans!

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Researchers uncover little-known internment camp

"Good to be free again", says 110-year-old World War One inmate. "You can say that again, Bob", agrees 108-year-old guard.

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Pope dons Indian headdress after Brazil speech

"Better than going topless", laughs pope!

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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"Pink Panther" jewel thief escapes Swiss jail

Slips out while commotion up front, dressed as Mrs. Inspector Clouseau in a dress and veil.

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Germans swelter under July heat wave

"We need to start making some cold beer to drink", says German in the street.

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Protesters try to disrupt Lithuania gay pride

All 12 gays show up! "Let's hope this doesn't lead to a civil war", says Leader. "There's just no space for it."

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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No birth certificate has been produced for Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

Opponents of Venezuelan President say he was born in Kenya!

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Beanie Babies 'Investment' Ends in Bankruptcy

Beanie Baby collectors now say that their investment in the Beanies have disappeared like a fart.

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Children Of The Royal's!

There is going to be a 24 page royal baby pull out in the Sun on Sunday. Don't we normally call a book full of pictures of children.....evidence?

written by Backandtotheleft, 27 July 2013
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Pelosi blasts Weiner for "disrespect toward women"

Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi blasted New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner for disrespecting women: "The bastard never sexted me with a picture of his weiner!" she complained.

written by Gee Pee, 27 July 2013
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Whoopi Goldberg bites the hand that feeds her

On The View, Goldberg told viewers not to watch her boss' royal wedding special: "It's about white folks, and not worth watching." Then, she bit Walters' hand to show her contempt for whitey.

written by Gee Pee, 27 July 2013
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Weiner: I am a standing member

Anthony Weiner tells reporters he's a member of the ASPCA and has been for some time.

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Lincoln green with envy?

Supporters of President Obama, whose approval ratings have fallen sharply, splashed green paint on the Lincoln Memorial to indicate that Lincoln is "green with envy" at Obama's successful presidency.

written by Gee Pee, 27 July 2013
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Alabama executes Lackey

Health and Human Resources Director Kathleen Sibelius says she's "okay" with Alabama's execution of convicted murderer Andrew Lackey, despite the killer's mental retardation: "People die," she said.

written by Gee Pee, 27 July 2013
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O. J. Simpson to parole board: "I want out!"

O. J. Simpson told his parole board that he wants out of prison. "Thirty-three years is too long a sentence to serve for kidnapping and robbery. I mean, it's not like I killed anybody or anything."

written by Gee Pee, 27 July 2013
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Warrant issued for Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife, Beth

Colorado's warrant for Beth Chapman's arrest is warrantless, her husband Dog says: "She's accused of verbally harrassing a teen, but there's no law against having a big mouth."

written by Gee Pee, 27 July 2013
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Schrödinger's Cat Found Alive!

Accidentally discovered having meal with Pavlov's dog!

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Miss America Speaks At United Nations

"I am for world peace!" All country reps outside of Islamic nations applaud beauty in swimsuit.

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Authorities Warn About Squirrel Having Plague

"Could kill more people over the next winter than NFL football players", says Health Center Spokesperson.

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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A man in India is claiming to be the oldest man on earth at 141 years old.

Donald Trump is demanding to see his birth certificate!

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Hidden Camera Took Photos of Weiner

"See! I didn't take all those photographs", says Mayor candidate. "Mine had better quality, quantity!"

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Weiner staff say he's deeply in the hole!

A Staff Member admits that the Weiner Campaign is deeply in the hole. "Very few bucks coming in!"

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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President Obama Very Upset!

"My security guard just discovered over a dozen hidden microphones and cameras all over the White House!"

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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North Korea heralds 60th anniversary of war 'victory' with massive parade

"South Korea? There is no South Korea", says military leader.

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Man in underwear attacks Beverly Hills restaurant

Apparently very upset over "No Shoes, No Shirt No Service" sign!

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Ryan Braun apparently has some work to do to repair his friendship with Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers

As NFL football continues peaceful, calm off-season.

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Sex-embattled San Diego mayor seeks therapy.

Mayor refuses to resign. "Being mayor can really attract the babes!"

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Saskatchewan still the most dangerous province: Stats Canada

Bigfoot gangs controlling most areas of the province! "Pay up or we stomp you!"

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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New Health Breakthrough

Operation: Surgeon asks for Scalpel, scissors, knife, cotton wool, credit card.

written by j.w., 27 July 2013
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F.D.A. Proposes Safety Rules for Imported Food

Typical reaction from the public: "You mean we've never had any before? What have we been eating? It's horse meat isn't it?"

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Global Warming Al Gore: The Horror

Al Gore predicts global warming will cause ocean to rise and millions of central will be able to surf to southern U.S. state of Georgia.

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Paula Deen Into Another Mess

Paula Deen has shot off her mouth again and it's on tape as once-popular cook overheard calling pet monkeys, "Little S_it Slingers!"

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Bernanke Raises Prime Rate?

"Let's just run it up the flag pole and see if she floats!"

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Bill Clinton Back In Therapy

Most people think it's all the Weiner news that has reared it's ugly head of late. Will this affect Hilary's run for President in 2016? How should I know? Nosey!

written by Bureau, 27 July 2013
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Anthony Weiner speaks out!

Anthony Weiner: "My only sin---I didn't Bogart my joint."

written by b kenneth mcgee, 27 July 2013
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