Spoof news snippets from Thursday 3 January 2013
BritTel increase phone charges
BritTel, Britain's number one telecom company, has rewritten an old proverb. "Some people," said CEO Harry Balls, "say that talk is cheap. Not us, we say talk is £40 an hour."
Depardieu gains Russian citizenship, but still no cure for ugly
Gerard Depardieu got Russian citizenship, the application processed by the all-fair Vladimir Putin. Depardieu will avoid a possible French tax hike, but there is still no cure for bloated and old.
A Couple of Royal Doulton Specials
Following the issue of topless photographs of Kate Middleton, Royal Doulton have decided to produce a pair of Memorial jugs in fine porcelain.
Any Old Irons?
With two Coles at West Ham and Lamps possibly giving us some sparks we are ready for any old Irons for the fire at Upton Park!
Underfunded UK Sports To Merge In Quest For Rio Gold
'Training for the new Olympic sport of table-volley-basket-hand-wrestling will commence as soon as the new rules are clarified,' said a spokesman for the sport's newly formed governing body.
Jim Davidson arrested by the Met.
The 59 year old man has been arrested for taking money under false pretenses on numerous occasions dating back 1976. Mr Davidson is said to have mislead the public by calling himself a comedian.
George Bush has Vision
George Bush Senior, in hospital, told George Junior that he had had a "spiritual vision of the New World Order". Asked to describe, he said "it was all green and looked like George Washington."