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Cogito ergo sum non Congressista

Pres. Obama says finding a way to avert sequestration cuts should be a "no-brainer" for Congress. That's crucial because most congressional lawmakers seem to be performing without one.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 22 February 2013
Rating:

Next: Ocean Front Property in Arizona

Climate change skeptic Marco Rubio raises $100,000 for "Reclaim America" by selling plastic bottles of Polish spring water from Maine to voters who don't recycle.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 22 February 2013
Rating:

Tesco Confusion

Tesco's are forced to check their beefburgers for traces of zebra as customers are confusing the barcode underneath the serving suggestions.

written by IN SEINE, 22 February 2013
Rating:

Once, and for All

Rush Limbaugh says that he is officially ashamed of America "for the first time." Poll says majority have been ashamed to admit Limbaugh is an American "for a long time."

written by The San Francisco Onion, 22 February 2013
Rating:

Rush Limbaugh says he is ashamed to be American

Americans have been saying that they are ashamed that Limbaugh is a member of the human race for years,

written by John_L, 22 February 2013
Rating:

South African Tourism Boost

Thousands of husbands have been booking tours to South Africa, taking their wives with them.

written by j.w., 22 February 2013
Rating:

Oscar Pistoris in court

Oscar Pistorius, accused of murdering his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, was dragged into court today for his bail hearing. It's a shame they took his prosthetic legs off him.

written by IainB, 22 February 2013
Rating:

Charles to fight for Queen & country

Carrying a large cannon, HRH Prince Charles has announced that he's off to the war in Afghanistan in order to "knock off a few sambos". The Crown Prince then jumped on board a steamer and left.

written by whatinthe world, 22 February 2013
Rating:

Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers calls for strong finish to season

He doesn't a good enough severance package in place for them not to.

written by John_L, 22 February 2013
Rating:

Fed's Bernanke comes out of the closet

In a brief statement from his office in Washington, Chairman of the Federal Reserve, Ben Bernanke, stated, "I affirm my commitment to Basel III -- let's just leave it at that"

written by JAB, 22 February 2013
Rating:

Biden gives speech to rally support for gun control

In his speech the Vice President said, "there will be a moral price to pay for inaction." Neil Kinnock in 1988 said verbatim in his run against Margaret Thatcher.
"D'oh!" muttered a Biden spokesman.

written by JAB, 22 February 2013
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