Spoof news snippets from Sunday 10 February 2013
Couple addicted to coffee enemas, spoof writers thank goodness that the addiction is uncommon
A Florida couple announced they're addicted to coffee enemas, to the point where they'll shoot their ass up four times a day. Spoof writers agree that they can't write headlines any funnier than that.
Republicans Emit Greenhouse Gases
The world's 1.3 billion cattle contribute 18% of our greenhouse gas emissions, including 37% of methane. The resulting fart joke made conservatives laugh so hard, they contributed another 6%.
Engineers on the march
The coastal town of Exeter is being invaded by a huge number of geotechnical engineers in what some are saying is the first wave of an attack by engineers in general. "We're doomed!" cried one local.
Fox attacked baby boy in own home
Findus are to start offering Fox Meat products to protect the public.
Birmingham is overrun
Quantity surveyors from the north of Scotland have invaded Birmingham in massive numbers, their intentions not immediately clear at this stage, though some suggest revenge for Battle of Culloden 1745.
Master Of Fox Hounds Slams Tactics Of Hunt Protestors
'The irresponsible yobs kept chanting Findus, just to frighten the horses,' complained the Hunt Master.
Obama's Salute to Confederate Flag
After maintenance workers mistakenly fly Confederate flag over Mississippi Supreme Court building, President Obama grateful for at least this one thing Republicans might not try to pin on him.
Bite the Silver Bullet
LONE RANGER: "Job creators" complain about how bad their taxes are today.
TONTO: When everyone live on moldy scrap, sleep in newspaper, who buy product? Then "job creator" out of work, Kemo Sabe!
Meanwhile, Back at the Hall of Justice
BATMAN: Some say gun makers are not responsible for gun deaths.
ROBIN: Holy Bat Blunders, Batman! If they're right, maybe we shouldn't have been so rough on those guys at the meth lab!
Painting the Town Red
Growing Latino population may turn Texas blue in a decade or so, which could mean no more Republican presidents. Party faithful descend on Austin, Dallas, San Antonio armed with brushes, red paint.
Honest Injun
LONE RANGER: Some criticize the President for investing in failed green technology.
TONTO: At least Obama try. Oil and car company not go green until oil gone, then call it job creation, Kemo Sabe!
The Man Who Was Everywhere
Obama admits he was in Libya giving orders to generals during Benghazi attack, at an Oval Office meeting, and on the green sinking putts all at the same time, because he is the first Magic President.
ObamaCare Exposed
Health care experts have advised the government that ObamaCare administrators will soon have to select any two out of the following three parameters: Reduced Costs; Improved Care; Cover More People!
Thieves in the Night
Stealing from your neighbor to give money to others gets you jail time. Yet, King Obama I appropriates taxpayer money to bailout losers and to make bad investments in crony green energy companies!
Empty Suit Awards
The 2012 Democratic leadership empty suit awards go to King Obama I, Rep. Pelosi (D-CA) (empty dress), House Minority Whip Hoyer (D-MD) and Senate Majority Leader Reid (D-NV)!
I Want Your Money
Pres. Obama & eastern state Democratic governors are using words like future investment, more revenue, close tax loopholes & jobs budget. Look out middleclass you are about to lose all tax deductions!
The Man that Wasn't There
SecDev Panetta told Senators Pres. Obama was absent the night US Amb. Stevens & three other Americans were killed in Benghazi LY. Then how could Obama give orders to the generals during the attack?
It's Spreading
Republicans have asked the Colorado Dept. of Public Health & the Environment for aerial spraying to combat Democratic left liberalitis. The disease is infecting the state as more easterners move here!
Now Hear This
CAPT: There was a malfunctioning torpedo reported during the ships training exercise. EXEC: Not a problem Torpedowoman First Class Mary McGersky picked up the 520 lb weapon & threw it over the side!
Besides It's Unconstitutional
State laws holding gun manufacturers responsible for gun deaths would be like holding car manufactures responsible for traffic accident deaths. Also against federal law!
No Large Screen TV Either
LONE RANGER: People complain about how bad things are today. TONTO: Family's lived through the 1930's Great Depression on stale bread, rotten fruits/vegetables & used newspapers for toilet paper.