Spoof news snippets from Friday 1 February 2013
Prince Harry reveals what he would call his children
Prince Harry has said that if he has two boys, he will call then Kyle and Zeke. "I'd love to call them in from playing," he said. "Zeke, Kyle! I'd shout whilst pointing upward at their bedrooms."
Keith Richards to Open Theater in Branson, Missouri
Aging rocker says, "It'll be like an old fashioned hayride in the English countryside...except with booze and heroin."
Attorney Gloria Allred To Sue All Men For Repeatedly Leaving Toilet Seat Up
Class action lawsuit will involve 155,000,000 American men, said celebrity attorney, who appeared on national television with sobbing female client.
Correspondent Ali Velshi Stomps Off Set After CNN Cuts Him Off to Cover Ashlee Simpson's New Pixie Cut
"First they let John King and Wolf Blitzer do all the cool hologram stuff instead of me, and now this," he fumed.
Surgeon General Warns Against Using SlapChop For Circumcisions
"Doing so dulls the blades and it will squish your tomatoes next time you use it," warns Surgeon General Regina M. Benjamin
OAP hooligirl banned from Tesco!
OAP, Christine Crow, has been banned from Tesco's for acting like a "hooligirl"! It's a good job she wasn't in Lidl; she would have been shot on sight!
England's Queen steps down.
Following the birth of his second son Sir Elton John it to hand over the title of England's Queen to Irish born TV host Graham Norton.
Attention Conservatives
Have you or a loved one been unemployed during the Obama presidency. You may have been exposed to Obamanomics & entitled to compensation. Call the Law Offices of Bush & Bush at 1-800-SUE-BAMA!
Predictable Despots
Syria, Iran and Hezbollah will try to retaliate against Israel by attacking unarmed civilians (men, women and children) in the Islamic terrorist manner.
Perhaps He has Another Agenda?
Chicago has the strictest gun laws, yet gun violence caused 40 deaths this year & about 500 homicides in 2012. Yet Chicago's Democratic liberal far left mayor raves & rants about more gun control!
Democrats Cover their Butts
Republicans accused the White House of having selective amnesia after WH Press Secretary Carney and Rep. Pelosi (D-CA) blamed Republicans for a dismal fourth quarter 2012 GDP report.
No More Excuses
President Obama blamed climate change for the latest US economic/GDP slump & coming recession of 2013. The president's previous "not me" have been former President George W Bush, Republicans & guns!
New Gun Laws Not Needed
Chicago's Mayor has solved the gun crime problem in the city. The entire load of BS generated by the mayor has covered the streets with tons of smelly brown stuff, so that no one can move about!
Economic Incompetency
The House in a bipartisan two-thirds vote agreed to impeach Pres. Obama as he really "F***ed Up" the US economy via overspending, wasteful bailouts/stimulus packages & Keynesian economic policies!