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Snoops True Facts #9201

According to Snoops: Nude Fiddle playing was made illegal in Louisiana in 1948 but wasn't enforced until 2010. Not all "Yaaeeee!" was part of the song but getting hit accidentally by washboard player.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Perez The Voter Caught in Texas

Police today arrested Javier Perez for illegally voting in all 50 states during the last Presidential election. "There were about a hundred of us on three buses & 1,000 fake drivers licenses."

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Snoops True Facts #2099

According to Snoops: The very first record released by NRC Records was: "Mama's Casket" by Bosco "Muskrat" Jones, a blues singer.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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ESPN Ratings Down #3

Once again, to spice things up, ESPN is experimenting with off season sports. Friday nights next February, you will be able to see Donkey Hockey! 9PM,ET, 8PM,CT.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Lots of Action In The Sky

In case you're wondering what all the blasting is about, the U.S. is experimenting with sending drone planes to destroy those they sent out yesterday.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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An End to Sunburn Pain: Scientists Say It's Possible

"All you need to do is put on some good skin cream and go on a three-day-bender. You'll actually look forward to treatments."

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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ESPN Ratings Down #2

Another possibility: Mennonite/Amish buggy races pulled by mules on a mud track and lone driver allowed to carry a pitchfork!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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ESPN Ratings Down

To spice things up, they are experimenting with allowing baseball pitchers to throw one exploding baseball per inning.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Al Gore Promoting Shaved Heads

Save millions on haircuts. Do your own. No need for shampoos. Only need a hat in the sun, Russian hat for winter. Lower temps around house with/without hats inside. Less wind resistant for windmills!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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A-Rod Suspended

MLB has suspended Alex Rodriguez for 211 games, but A-Rod is playing. Why is he playing now with the Yanks in next to last place? He could be back in a couple of years. He could beef-up a lot by then.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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"She could have been my daughter," Obama says

African-American Tawana Brawley, who falsely claimed she'd been gang-raped by white men, has been forced to pay up after being sued for slander 26 years ago. Obama says the judgment is "unjust."

written by Gee Pee, 06 August 2013
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Well, at least he got to third base. . . .

A third baseman was shocked, disappointed, and publicly humiliated when his would-be fiancee turned down his marriage proposal at a baseball game. "No," she said, "you're too much of a player!"

written by Gee Pee, 06 August 2013
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Bush undergoes heart surgery

George W. Bush was rushed into surgery for a cardiac procedure as surgeons seek to install a heart in the former "compassionate conservative." Doctors give the procedure a 50-50% chance of success.

written by Gee Pee, 06 August 2013
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New research on alcoholism

A recent study suggests that those who habitually drink to excess may be prone to alcoholism.

written by Gee Pee, 06 August 2013
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Bill Clinton addresses Weiner scandal

Former president Bill Clinton advised Anthony Weiner to text images of only his flaccid penis. "That way, there's no indication of sexual intent," Clinton said. "I know: been there, done that."

written by Gee Pee, 06 August 2013
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15-ton ball of fat removed from London sewer

Prince Charles, told of the removal of a 15-pound ball of fat from a London sewer, said, "I told Camilla not to eat so many pizzas and cheesecakes!" He assured Londoners she'll be "dieting hereafter."

written by Gee Pee, 06 August 2013
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Linkedin: only ugly women can be engineers

When beautiful female engineers posted their photos on Linkedin, the company deleted them on the grounds that beauties cannot have the brains it takes to be engineers "unless they're driving a train."

written by Gee Pee, 06 August 2013
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Lady Gaga sued

Wendy Starland and her former boyfriend Rob Fusari are suing Lady Gaga. They helped launch her career, they say, and now want "a piece of her--but not that piece."

written by Gee Pee, 06 August 2013
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Lady Gaga's secret remains secret

A judge ordered that Lady Gaga does not have to reveal the "secert" that she was born a male. The information, he says, is "unimportant" to her case. He--uh, she--is being sued for being famous.

written by Gee Pee, 06 August 2013
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Protesters Say U.S. Not Helping

Protesters in 34 countries have stated that they are not receiving enough time on U.S. TV. "We don't have enough channels, reporters or What..OK, our reporters are now protesting going anywhere else."

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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U.S. Debts Are Down!

President Barack Obama's meeting with a Mr. McDuck seems to have helped a lot.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Italy Requests That Vatican Help Country Stay Afloat

Pope Francis tells bishops to all send in this weeks donation, "sell a couple dozen of those old WWII paintings that the Germans donated. Should fix you right up!"

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Apple Makes Changes After Electrocution Reports

"If the people with language problems will just compare our product with the real apple, then they wouldn't be biting down on them", says spokesman.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Fort Hood accused opens defense with 'War is an ugly thing

He is immediately interrupted by wife of victim "And there sits the Ugly Thing in that chair beside you!!"

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Toppled Czech PM Necas divorces after scandal

Not another one. Can't any nation's leader think with their heads anymore?

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Iran's Rowhani urges 'serious' nuclear talks without delay

In other words, they're probably having a meltdown!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Protest as Greens ask Germans to give meat cold shoulder

Germans ask Greens to accept their meaty middle fingers!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Bush undergoes surgery to clear blocked artery, brain

Joe Biden has foot removed from mouth and President Obama receives one-of-a-kind nose shield to keep him from drowning when he's out in the rain.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Mohammed Ali Releases New Book, Tricks Us Again

Ali's new book, "Flop Like A Horsefly, Swing Like A Tree" said to be almost identical to last one except the fact that none of it makes sense. Therefore it's a bestseller in humor. The sly old fox!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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San Diego Mayor enters therapy amid sexual harassment allegations

"Allegations, my derriere", says one of alleged victims. "Pardon my French!"

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Florida executes mass murderer said by lawyers to be mentally ill

After almost 40 years on death row, who wouldn't be mentally disturbed.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Second major transit agency strike threatened in San Francisco area

Driver's demand to be able to smoke at work station, free marijuana!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Tina Brown blasts Howard Kurtz

Kurtz vows to eat beans three times a day until he can catch her off guard, especially in an elevator.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Emotional Chris Christie reveals 'low point' of his life

It was the day I had been putting off, stepping onto a set of scales. When I did, I discovered that I could no longer see them.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Britain's biggest 'fatberg' removed from London sewer

However no one is sure what Eric Pickles was doing in the sewer to start with.

written by John_L, 06 August 2013
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Kashmir attack could put India-Pakistan peace talks on ice

That leaves only 19 nations that are not at war or nearing one.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Most Israelis object to withdrawing to pre-1967 borders: poll

Selfish say many nations. They are just thinking of themselves and being blown up by PLO terrorists again.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Sun's magnetic field "is about to flip", warns NASA

Scientists blame the phenomenon on too many races and too many politicians flip-flopping all over Planet Earth.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Michelle's Newest Initiative: Using Hip-Hop to Fight Obesity

Also invites Hilary to lead older group exercising to Bunny-Hop!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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French Nurse Rents Out Breasts to Gay Parents.

Police: We arrested several men who were not gay but were babysitting for friends for free.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Terrorist Warning Upgraded

Upgraded as squirrels and winos suddenly head for safety under anything they can find.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Global Computer Glitch Cancels Flights For Hundreds of Thousands of Fliers

Also listings on Destinations for Atlantis, Camelot, Avalon and Elysian Fields!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Weiner Rising In The Polls

"I can be as stiff-necked as my opponent", says Weiner.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Yemen Upset with U.S. Drone Attack on Terrorist Camp.

Yewomen say they are also upset!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Dem Polling Firm Lists George Zimmerman Among 2016 GOP Presidential Candidates...

GOP Listing: O.J. Simpson, Homer Simpson, Robert Zimmerman, Al Gore and Hilary Clinton among Dems. Homer Simpson #1 at present. Doh!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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London finds bus-sized lump of fat in sewer #2

Suspect that most came from near-by Liposuction Center, KFC Restaurant.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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London finds bus-sized lump of fat in sewer.

Update: Actually it's a surprise visit to London by Governor Chris Christie. "I tried but couldn't get out", says flushed New Jersey Governor.

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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U.S. Bombs Yemen?

U.S. Evacuates...Britain Bails...Australia empties...France surrenders!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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For the Birds

What's the difference between a flock of flamingos and Congress?

Flamingos keep cool by urinating on their legs. Congressmen prefer getting pissy with John Boehner.

written by Michael Balton, 06 August 2013
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Obama teed off

To celebrate his birthday, Barack Obama, 52, played golf with Tiger Woods' mistresses and ordered a birth certificate, which lists his age as "39" and his citizenship as "American, more or less."

written by Gee Pee, 06 August 2013
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"Washington Post" sells out

Amazon's Jeff Bezos announced his decision to buy the washed-up Washington Post, which lost almost $50 million last year. "I did it so the paper won't fold. I want to save its comic strips," he said.

written by Gee Pee, 06 August 2013
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MLB suspends players

Major League Baseball suspended all players on Monday. Commissioner Bud Selig said, "We're tired of this pussy sport and can't wait for football season to begin. Then, we can watch real men score."

written by Gee Pee, 06 August 2013
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Things Ain't The Same

Retired ambulance driver says things have changed since he first drove an ambulance at top speed towards a hospital. No sirens back then. We all just screamed out the window & swung a lantern."

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Terrorist Only Partly Successful

Act of terrorism failed this morning in Washington Square Park in NYC when a terrorist threw a Molotov Cocktail into tour group & a drunk drank it. "BURP! Pardon lady. FART!! 911-She's on fire here!"

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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Kerry Looking A Head!

John Kerry, looking a head, says that he has faith that during trip to Israel, there could be a break. However, we don't know who will be in charge on the Arab side by then. Still, I'm looking A Head!

written by Bureau, 06 August 2013
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