Spoof news snippets from Friday 30 November 2012
Newly French Joey Barton wants to stay at Marseille
He claims he can't come back to England because he's completely forgotten how to speak English since he learned French.
Missing you already.
The Catholic diocese of Milan increases specially trained exorcism priests from 6 to 12
If anyone requires the exorcism service they can call a newly set up hotline that's been established to deal with an increasing volume of calls.
It's an easy number to remember, just dial 666.
Nutritionists Issue Health Warning
Nutritionists at St. Philbert's Medical College have advised people to keep away from fruit and nuts. They say :"you are what you eat!"
Waking Up to UKIP
It is sleepy time down south and the nightmare is not yet over.
Milton Keynes Arsonist Strikes Again!
A suspected arsonist burned down a shoe factory in Milton Keynes today. A spokesman said: "over 200 soles were lost."
Memory-Man Banned From Bookstore
A man with a photographic memory has been stopped from browsing in branches of Snarbes & Bonles. Apparently he was recalling the books at home without paying for them.
Cameron clear on Leveson
"I understand the recommendations that Leveson proposes and I will do exactly what Mr Murdoch tells me to do." the Prime Minister said yesterday.
Channel Four to screen controversial Christmas Message
Channel Four will screen a Christmas message recorded by Sir Jimmy Savile in 2002 at 3pm Christmas Day. It was originally recoded to be their alternative to the Queen but Sharon Osbourne's went out.
Red Bull announce limited edition flavor.
The new flavor will be named 'Fernando's Sour Grapes' after Formula one runner up Fernando Alonso who is a very sore loser.
Plumbers braced for record call outs tomorrow.
Tomorrow is the busiest day of the year tomorrow for plumbers as men shave off their Movember tashes causing blocked sinks everywhere.
Plumbers braced for record call outs tomorrow.
Tomorrow is the busiest day of the year tomorrow for plumbers as men shave off their Movember tashes causing blocked sinks everywhere.