Spoof news snippets from Monday 19 November 2012
Israel bombs Gaza.
Self appointed peacemaker Paul 'Gazza' Gascoyne has attempted to ease the situation by turning up with a fishing rod, a six-pack of Heineken and a KFC bargain bucket.
Santa beard stuck on zipwire in Reading shopping centre.
I didn't even know Boris was moonlighting as a Santa this Crimbo!
Woman steals charity box from North London pub.
Disgusting. That's why when I'm asked I always put foreign coins in charity collections.
(I don't really - its just a punchline)
Lord McAlpine sues ITV for £500,000
His solicitor gave Philip Schofield the writ this morning on er, This Morning.
Ed Miliband likens himself to Margaret Thatcer
Ed the Red gave the shock statement on Radio 4 programme 'What Does Ed Miliband Really Think?'
Does he like secretly like wearing blue dresses?
44 million hacking attempts on Israel government websites
Since they began Gaza airstrikes last week. I blame the Nigerian email scammers.
Tulisa not a WAG she says on live tv.
After newspaper revelations that Tulisa was dating Newcastle footballer Danny Simpson, she told Louis Walsh she is not a WAG, but a WAF = Was Already Famous. Not 'What A Freak' as I imagined...
Liberal Democrat MP says £500 benefit cap 'immoral'
A lot of people think those on benefits getting higher than the average wage is immoral. I think people are at the end of their teather with Lib-Dem MP Sarah Teather for her comments.
Cheap alcohol to blame for drunkness among young people
Say young people. No diggity. And there was me thinking it might be the environment to blame.
Drunk in Aussie attempts to drive a croc!
An Australian drunkard attempted to drive a croc and ended up nearly "legless"!
Martin Clunes dropped from Churchill car insurance ads.
After being banned for driving.
Ohhhhhhh no.
Duchess of Cambridge returns gift sent by Kim Kardashian
Apparently her bum looked big in it.
John Humphries to be next BBC Director General
Next time there's a crisis he'll have to interview himself.