Spoof news snippets from Monday 12 November 2012
A Rose by any other name?
Weakest 400 primary schools in UK to be turned into academies, which presumably will see them change overnight to top 400...another Tory 'conjuring' trick perchance?
Supersymmetry theories kicked in to orbit!
Scientists have decided to kick the Supersymmetry theories into orbit because they have found "black holes" spinning in their super-intelligent brains; lets hope they all implode!
Just one Cornetto?
Venice floods after heavy rain...how can you tell?
Composer arrested
A Southampton man has been arrested and charged for playing self compositions on his Spanish guitar. "People round here can't stand cheap composers" explained PC Wilkinson of the local constabulary.
Obama congratulates Romney on spirited campaign.
And especially all the gaffes.
BBC Newsnight to be replaced.
After the shoddy journalism shown over claims against a senior Conservative which resulted in the Director General resigning, it was decided today Newsnight will be replaced by John Cravens Newsround
Obama: 'The Best is yet to come'
Apparently, he's getting a 60 inch Smart HD TV for the Oval Room.
Katherine Jenkins denies affair with David Beckham
As yet, nobody from Newsnight or the BBC has resigned over the matter. Watch this space.
Bradley Wiggins knocked off bike.
The French cycling Federation have denied responsibility. And they still believe the story about the 'special' British wheels we used during the Olympics.
David Cameron Is A 'Lunatic', Claims American Pie Star Jason Biggs
And that's the FINAL SAY ON THE MATTER. From the actor who stuck his privates parts in an apple pie.
Frank Bruno: Savile tricked me into meeting Yorkshire Ripper
Bruno was lucky. One caller to BBC Ulster told how he was tricked by Savile into milking a cow blindfolded.
Living to 125 years could be 'the norm'
Well it will give us more time to pay off our mortgages.
And watch all the box-sets. And start a pension...
13 year old banned by Millwall FC after racist language.
Banned by Millwall? He should think himself lucky.
Teenager Jailed For Armed Robberies Disguised As An Old Man
I wonder if Clive Dunn, famed for dressing up as a character in Dads Army a lot older than he really was, was the inspiration?
George Entwistle resigns as BBC DG
Harry Redknapp denies interest in job, saying he's happy playing golf, waiting for a Premier League job, walking Rosie the dog and visiting Switzerland.