Eddie Stobart lands outer-space contract!
Giant trucking company Eddie Stobart has landed the contract to bring goods to the space-centre in outer space (where else?). He is over the moon!
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"WTF!"
Asbo's to be axed in 'blitz' (sic) on bad behaviour.....thats on par with a court martial to the average lowlife scrout!!
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Record Breakers
People could be queuing at airports for up to 4 hours during the Olympics...unless of course they make a break for it and 'hurdle' the barriers!
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Luvvie time.
Its that time of the year again when we have the BAFTA awards inflicted upon us: or as they are known.....
B........Bloody
A........Awful
F........Feckin'
T........Television
A........Anglais.
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Launch success for SpaceX mission
They confirmed they have successfully launched a spaceship into space at 3am this morning with Piers Morgan on board on a one way ticket.
(Sadly, I might have made the Piers Morgan bit up)
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Man Dressed as Dead Mom for Years
Pyscho! or just a fraud?
Story here
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West Ham win promotion to the Olympic Stadium
WHU beat Blackpool 2-1, gaining promotion to the Olympic Stadium. Sadly this means that Leyton Orient will probably be relegated to bankrupty. When asked to comment, Boris Johnson said "Leyton Who?"
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Britney Spears to join X Factor as judge.
Finally!
Someone to champion the bald, slightly deranged acts who enter the show each year.
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Al Gore Has 'Serious Girlfriend'
Seen getting hot and heavy with a democratic donor.
They have rumoured to have spent many nights together, discussing 'global warming'. As you do.
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Cheerleader kicks herself in the face
Curb your enthusiasm lass.
Watch here
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Facebook shares plummet in value.
Friday: debuted on NASDAQ at $38 per share, valuing entire company at $104 billion.
Monday: shares drop to 38 cents, valuing the entire company at $38.
Tuesday: Mark Zuckerberg files for bankruptcy
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Polls suggest Obama will dump Biden for Hilary.
He's going off gay marriage already?
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Five year old boy loses 50k on betting website
I bet that's the last time John Terry asks his kids for advice.
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Cutbacks on Olympic countdown clock
Today is 66 days to the start of the games, but organisers have just turned the '99 days' sign upside down.
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Drogba confirms Chelsea departure.
"I don't want to stay at Chelsea" he sang as he packed his kit bag for the last time.
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Royal Mail warns of Olympics post delays
This sounds suspiciously like a 'leave on the line' type excuse...
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Cameron says he is 'driven like Margaret Thatcher'
Hopefully not in the back of a NewsCorpse limo...
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 58
"Downpour!"
by
Wayne Dropps
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Tesco boss turns down £400,000 bonus
Instead he's asked for it in Clubcard points and a bag for life.
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Fernando Torres going nowhere, say Chelsea
Particularly near the pitch and penalty area say snippet writers.
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Stradivarius cello broken in accident!
It's housed at the Spanish Royal Palace, & was broken in an accident, an official said Monday. The instrument could be worth more than $20 million.
"Was Inchcock in the area at the time?"
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The longest word ever used in the House of Commons is floccinaucinihilipilification!
Conservative MP Jacob Rees-Mogg used floccinaucinihilipilification in the House of Commons!
I found Anticonstitucionalissimamente - "in a very unconstitutional way" more fitting for the Coalition!
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Alaska man plans year on uninhabited island!
Charles Baird (40) is going off the grid for a year. He'll move to the mostly uninhabited Latouche Island in Alaska's Prince William Sound at the end of May!
"Wish it could have been me!"
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The UK is the world's third-largest purchaser of human hair!
The year before, we were the twelfth largest.
"Can we blame Wayne Rooney?"
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Teen arrested after homework left at crime scene!
An 18-year-old Utah man was arrested. Orem police say they tracked a USB drive found at the burglarized home to Dallas Naljahih, the drive had his homework on it.
"The fool!"
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Revealed: The Oldest Yoga Teacher In The World!
Tao, (93) who has been teaching yoga for 61 years, runs classes at a dance studio in Harstdale, a suburb 25 miles outside of New York City, despite her replaced hip!
"Good for her!"
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Fury As Alzheimer Centre To Close
"Forgive and forget" urges Government spokesman.
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Government Plans To Slash Workers Rights
Backing Beecrofts' plan, Cameron said;"Ultimately, our aim is for 100% unemployment before the next election. We feel these proposals go a long way toward achieving this".
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