Intelligent Lifeform Discovered in our Galaxy!
The Alien Broadcast Centre has announced that finally intelligent life has been discovered in what they call "That White Mess", predictably it was NOT on Planet Earth. Some Amoebas on Mars are clever.
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Kuwaiti MP banned from Parliament for spitting
Blames his camel who's fond of expelling a mouthful
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Only two women in Francois Hollande's life not to be messed with??
Yep, one's his momma, the other his pet pirhana
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WTF 'Federico Garcia Lorca could have fled Spain at start of Civil War'??
The guy was wedded to the whiskey vat down the Brown Pub in Bantry Bay
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Comic Izzard to run 27 marathons for Nelson Mandela
Personally I'd prefer to wear the ankle tag instead
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$1 billion 'ghost town' coming to New Mexico
Expect a wave of phantom pregnancy law suits to follow
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WTF 'Dalai Lama to give away £1m at St Paul's Cathedral'?
Probably nicked it from a bent fortune cookie company...
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Spoof Writer With an Exclusive!
For those of you who might still have the odd braincell left, but are desperate for finding new ways of fucking things up, please contact raburcke! He has invented some that are extra-terrestrial.
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Hard reign's a gonna fall:
Charles turns prescient weatherman
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Worst civil servants to be hacked
PM puts his foot in his mouth in sacking headline faux pass
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British spy cacked 'underpants' bomb plot
Hmmm, reckon an arse - er, 'r'! - is missing somewhere in that headline
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Today in 1954 Bill Haley released 'Rock Around the Clock'
Bill Haley invents rock'n'roll with this record. Good job it wasn't called 'Sausage Around the Clock' otherwise he's have invented the Sausage Roll
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Mercurial Stud sent to the knackers yard!
Spoof secret police; The scary SAS, thought they discovered a Trojan Horse invading, but it wasn't, it was just an innocent, mercurial stud and now his "knackers" are in a pot of glue! Boo, hoo!
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President Obama's embraces same-sex marriage
The President said, "I was reading Charles Darwin's 'On the Origin of Species' in bed, when Michelle passed me the mixed nuts, it was then that I had a 'natural selection' moment and I evolved."
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written by
JAB, 10 May 2012
Naked unicyclist charged for distracting drivers
Police say a man arrested in a Southeast Texas city for riding his unicycle in the nude was distracting drivers and creating a hazard.
Something to do with his left turn signal.
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written by
JAB, 10 May 2012
Masseurs Association of America Upset
Members of the Masseurs Association are up in…er, they aren't happy with what's been going down…er, this Travolta story sucks
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written by
JAB, 10 May 2012
Sex Survey Reveals Women's "Sexiest Time"
My old woman reckons it's when I go down the pub and the geezer next door comes in to service the boiler :(
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Rihanna sick after Met gala
A source says she became sick from, "excessive partying and not slowing down. She has been traveling nonstop and going wild."
"Don't even go there," said Chris Brown
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written by
JAB, 10 May 2012
Bill Clinton in Malibu
Barbra Streisand has invited Bill Clinton as a special guest for a benefit she's planning at her Malibu home, June 14.
No word on who's designing Bab's red dress
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written by
JAB, 10 May 2012
Travolta says he wasn't in LA on day of male massage 'grope'
The accuser's lawyer, Okorie Okorocha from Okefenokee said, "Okeydokey smokey, liar liar pants on fire see you in court."
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written by
JAB, 10 May 2012
Robertson blows save in 9th inning as Yankees lose
"I blew it tonight," said Robertson
Lawyer, Okorie Okorocha wants proof that John Travolta was not at the game.
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written by
JAB, 10 May 2012
Mr Bean Arrested
Sean Bean,that is!
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Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 46
"What Lonely Girls Should Do"
by
Seymore Fellows
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The Queen's favourite type of dog - the corgi - has seen a boost in popularity!
The corgi, has seen a boost in popularity in the Queen's Diamond Jubilee year, according to the Kennel Club.
"Fancy that, earth-shatteringly good news for the unemployed!"
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So Farewell, Vidal Sassoon
Apparently you were a great hairdresser.
All I know is that I hated reading First World War poetry for O-Level English.
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Gordon Browns Memorable Quotes to look back on. No2
2007: In the weeks and months ahead, my task is to show I have the new ideas, the vision and the experience to earn the trust of the British people.
"Ha ha ha ha!"
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Gordon Browns Memorable Quotes to look back on. No1
I will listen and I will learn. I will strive to meet people's aspirations. I want to lead a government humble enough to know its place, where I'll always strive to be, on people's side.
"Ha ha ha!"
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Man survives being struck by lightning in the scrotum!
He's said to be in a stable condition in hospital.
The incredible story has unsurprisingly gone viral, with the original piece receiving over 1,000 tweets and 7,000 'likes' on Facebook!
"Shocking!"
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'Hashpoint' dispenser allows users to pick up cannabis 24 hours a day!
It lets registered users to pick up their prescriptions, 24 hours a day. 16 US states allow patients with medical conditions to buy quantities of cannabis.
"ATM's will be raided less often now?"
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Politicians Quotes Worthy of Note: David Cameron
"They are all shouting in Unison, or should I say they are all shouting on behalf of Unison."
Good puns like this are worth their weight in gold!
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Politicians Quotes Worthy of Note: John Bercow 2
"The Minister for Children is under no obligation to behave like a child. It is not required!"
Jibes like these, have seen Tory MPs come to dislike the Speaker.
"I like him!"
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