Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 27 March 2012

American surgeons perform fullness face transplant yet

A victim of a gun accident has received the most complete face transplant to date. Surgeons have even allowed him to pick his nose.

Madonna 15 year old daughter photographed smoking

Latest developments - Madonna has been dropped from the Foxy bingo Mum of The year nominees...

Russian banker shot in east London...

bankers be warned - if the gunmen don't get ya, the dangerous dogs will...

Unemployed Austrian man slices off own foot to avoid work

Rumours he was about to have been offered the Chelsea managers job are as yet unconfirmed.

Teachers to Be Introduced to 3Rs

It is believed that some teachers in the more deprived schools in Great Britain believe that the 3Rs are: ROBBERY, RAPE and RIOTING

UK Mini workers offered "Mini" tea-breaks for a "Minor" pay rise!

UK Mini plant in Oxford owned by BMW has been faltering on its production targets so the Germans have offered workers a "Mini" tea break with a "Minor" pay -rise. If they refuse, they will be shot!

Lord Sainsbury on 'cash for access' dinner with Cameron list

Apparently he paid in Nectar points

Imogen Thomas reveals all about affair with Ryan Giggs

'He's Welsh - I'm Welsh, Whats the big deal?'

Fulham denied blatant penalty in Old Trafford defeat

Man United 1 Fulham 0
Visitors denied opportunity to equalize when Michael Carrick brought down Danny Murphy in the box.
There should be a rule about that - you know called Murphys Law or something..

Natasha Giggs reveals all about affair with Ryan Giggs

'My name is Giggs - his name is Giggs. What's the big deal?'

Brian Belo to sue makers of The Only Way is Essex

Apparently he thought of the idea first with a show called 'Totally Essex'.
Is that really something you'd want to admit to Bri?

Man United threatened to ban Independent newspaper

Leveson Inquiry told that Alex Ferguson threatened to ban Indy journalists from Old Trafford games (re Ryan Giggs story)
Whatever next, Fergie influencing PL in which referees officiate their games?

Robbie Williams to buy house Michael Jackson died in?

Kim Kardashian to buy Beckingham Palace?

Newspapers to set up Celebrity house transfer gossip column.. House Transfer Window to follow

'Greek exit a huge mistake' says Merkel.

German chancellor says it would be a mistake for Greece to leave the Euro..
One one hand we'd never get the bail out money owed back..
On the other hand we wouldn't have to 'lend' them any more...

Unions urge government to act over fuel.

Instead of 'acting the fool'

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 2

Gamer Dies At Web Cafe - But No-One Notices!

Taiwanese man who died while playing video games at an internet cafe was left for hours after fellow gamers failed to notice his death!

"A bit like Cameron's NHS really!"

3-year-old girl recovering after swallowing 37 high-powered magnets!

3-year-old girl recovering after swallowing 37 high-powered magnets

Amazing report

David Cameron: I was tucked in bed by Obama

David Cameron revealed yesterday that he was "tucked up in bed" by President Barack Obama on Air Force One last week.

"I bet that made Willie Hague jealous!"

The Richest are the big winners in Budget 2012

First public verdict on the blueprint shows 56% believe the wealthiest will pay less tax!

"What did we expect from Osborne? Help for the poor and sick? Silly question sorry!"

Liberal Democrats increase in Voting Intentions Poll

Liberal Democrats increased there share by 1% today! 27 Mar 2012

Labour 40% - Conservatives 37% - Lib Dem's 10% - Others 14%

"How? Why?"

12 million Pensioners worse off after Osborne budget!

Old folk will be £315 worse off after George Osborne's bombshell Budget, a study has warned!

"As if he didn't know already!"

Thai taxi driver returns $450,000 in gold to owner

A Thai taxi driver has returned gold worth $450,000 to a customer who left the jewelry behind in the cab three days earlier!

"Blimey... he should be made Prime Minister!"