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Rating:

New German President Elected

Gauck ...pardon me...Gauck..I did it again didn't I? New German President Elected! What's his first name?

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Youth Finally Listening

New tobacco ads against smoking that show smokers who developed cancer of the penis seem to be working.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

National Guard deployment on U.S.-Mexico border has nuclear results !

I'm sorry, that should read: National Guard deployment on U.S.-Mexico border has "unclear" results !

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Mexico Police Find 10 Heads Outside Bloody Slaughterhouse!

Officer to Inspector: "I wonder why they placed them there?"

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Blonde, Top-Heavy Secretary Late Again!

Boss: "Listen close, Bamba, this is the last 57th time I'm going to tell you...."

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Hare today, gone tomorrow

Members of the elite Granny Vigilante Group have claimed responsibility for a hit and run accident involving a hare. They insist that the hare was a clear and present danger to the public at large.

written by whatinthe world, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Clinton Dodging Publicity

New Monica Lewinsky book, "The Summer of the Hummer" got Bill Clinton rattled.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Kate Winslet And Leonardo DiCaprio To Reunite For New QE2 Movie

'It will be twice as good as Titanic,' said a studio spokesman. 'On her maiden voyage, the QE2 also sailed from Southampton to New York, but didn't sink half way.'

written by Swan Morrison, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Press Complaints Commission To Investigate Media Coverage Of The Duchess Of Cambridge

'We have had many complaints,' said a spokesman, 'about the unrelenting, sickeningly fawning and sycophantic coverage of everything she does. We will be exploring why the media are digging no dirt.'

written by Swan Morrison, 18 March 2012
Rating:

WWII-Era Bomb Discovered in France!

Old guy in nut house: "I tried to tell them! Sent me here in 1967."

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

U.S. Could Declare Martial Law!

Obama rewrites instances for declaration for "Martial Law" in case of terrorist invasion, disasters from space, Republican elected to White House.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Learn Something New Every Day!

St. Patrick's Day turns violent in Ontario as thousands of Irish demand their own country.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Down At Joe's Bar

Guy who came into bar with pink flamingo shirt instantly placed on Shit List!

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

McDonald's May Change Item's Name

Consumer group wants McDonald's to change name of McRib to McFib as there is no rib meat in them.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Hemorrhoid On The Way?

Cracked scientist says a Giant Hemorrhoid could wipe out our asses at any time!

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Afghanis: Leave Our Land!

Afghanis ask United Nations to leave their land and take their devil cellphones with them!

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

U.S. Condemned By Amnesty International

Amnesty International demands that Guantanamo prisoner's sheets be turned down and a mint be placed on their pillows at night.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Just Didn't Give A S*it!

"Suppository Bomber" blows out plane's bathroom door but the plane lands safely in Atlanta. Plane has to be cleaned thoroughly because of scared occupants and no bathroom.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Japanese May Sue China

Japanese government demands that China quit making knock-off cars that have "Totoya" on them.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Obama Coming To Kentucky

President Obama said he will be going to a new factory in Kentucky where all products will have a label "Made In The USA". Of course, the product was made in China but the tags sewn on were made here.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Superstud Jocko Besne dies leaving as many as 400,000 mouths to feed

The 3rd most potent bull in history, Jocko Besne, has died leaving the social services of countries all over the world to support the some 400,000 children Besne had fathered since 1994. Typical male.

written by Lyndon, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Colombian Mechanic Crowned As Obama Lookalike!

Disqualified a few hours later with discovery that he is one of Obama's 1200-plus cousins.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Arkansas to name Bill AND Hillary Clinton Airport!

But most residence will still call it it's old name for 50 years, "Razerback Hog".

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Ooodles of Dooodles

Margaret Thatcher kept Doodles by Ronald Reagan...so where else did you think she got all her speeches from?

written by Herrdoktorfox, 18 March 2012
Rating:

On the Button

Button wins Australian Grand Prix....not bad for a 109 year old man...well done Benjamin.

written by Herrdoktorfox, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Scraping the proverbial!

Geore 'Abacus' Osborne plans to scrap national pay rates for public sector workers...keep banging those nails in Ozzie...the Tory 'coffin' is nearly completed!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Between Chuckles!

French President Nicolas Sarkozy says his youngest son was out of line when he and friends pelted a policewoman with "vegetables".

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Filmmaker of 'Invisible Children' arrested for naked meltdown!

Apparently he thought he was invisible also.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Breast-feeding passenger settles airline lawsuit!

Claims that it wasn't her fault that she was 'gifted' and that men were lined up for bathroom during entire flight.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Hard Habits To Break

Indonesian eight-year-old attempting to kick smoking habit, older women.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Weird weather: heat, twisters, 250K tons of snow!

"Showers of frogs in Massachusetts, heavy fogs in Arizona desert all part of some kind of mumbo-jumbo", according to expert weather forecasters.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Floor of NYC house collapses under party!

Stomp Dance may be made illegal in city, except during parties on the ground floor.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Occupy protest anniversary ends with police sweep!

Leaders object to their use of tear gas spray, broom handles during sweep.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Tribe: Hunting Bald eagle permit a victory for tradition

NRA members hit ancestor searches for any Indian blood in their family history!

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Obama seeks halt to tax subsidies for oil industry!

Oil industry: We'll see your losing tax subsidies and raise your gas prices another $1 to $6 per gallon! We think we have the winning hand.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Faulty GPS System?

GPS Tracking Disaster: Japanese Tourists Drive Straight into the Pacific! Later it was learned that a GPS for boats had been installed by mistake.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Dozens arrested at Occupy's 6-month anniversary rally!

Meanwhile dozens of eggs were injured while being thrown at police officers.

written by Bureau, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Inmates at a women's prison take part in a beauty contest"

Inmates at a women's prison in Siberia have taken part in a beauty contest to mark International Women's Day.

"The losers can claim daylight robbery? Or, it was murder!"

written by Inchcock, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Boy, 8, takes 5-year-old sister on joyride

Police say an 8-year-old boy took his 5-year-old sister on a middle of the night drive and crashed the family van.

"Dad wasn't too worried about the van or kids - but the cost of the petrol!"

written by Inchcock, 18 March 2012
Rating:

Milibands Office Burgled!

Luckily there were no policies there for them to steal!

written by Inchcock, 18 March 2012
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