Torvill and Dean tragedy
Torvill and Dean are missing after an Olympic torch incident.
They disappeared after skating on to the Rochdale Canal expecting 6 inches of solid ice.
After all, remarked onlookers, it is only June!
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Angela Merkel is the new "Bundestrainer"!
Angela Merkel has sacked loser Löw and taken over his job. Her first task is to persuade Balotelli to don a pair of Lederhosen, become German and show "Die Mannschaft" what real men are made of!
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Country renaming continues
After the most accurate measurements yet of continental drift, which shows the Eurasian plate moving slower than previously thought, Russia will now be known as Dawdler.
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written by
IainB, 29 June 2012
Britain's top model winner announced
Britain's version of American beauty show, America's Top Model, has now been won. An 18th scale Spitfire beat off stiff competition.
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written by
IainB, 29 June 2012
Sun Poll: Shoppers can't remember their last UK-made purchase
Apart from food, I can't remember my last purchase at all!
I know Harold Wilson was in power at the time!
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Man uses slingshot to fire marbles at speed camera
50-year-old Bruce Lawrence May of Ellicott City was arrested and charged with assault for using a slingshot to fire glass marbles at a speed camera van.
"Lost his marbles when caught speeding?"
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Doctors urged GPs to ditch pensions strike
David Cameron insists reform would still leave GPs with pensions most private sector workers 'can only dream of'.
"A bit like his pension then?"
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MP's want free hot-meals!
After complaining of mice and 'weird' menus in the Commons.
"Some pensioners, unemployed, and sick citizens can't afford hot meals at all!"
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Cameron's Benefit Blitz!
Youngsters will be forced to live with their parents!
"What in prison, squats, or fire-bombed police stations?"
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Blitzer decides to report news before it happens
CNN's Wolf Blitzer, tired of racing against other news outlets to report breaking news first, has decided to just start making up shit and reporting it. His new show will be called, "This just in."
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written by
Lyndon, 29 June 2012
Games are off
The London Olympic Games have been cancelled following the revelation that Mayor Boris Johnson insisted on opening the games himself instead of HM Queen Elizabeth. BORIS YOU'RE SUCH A BOOFY BOOFHEAD
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David Beckham could still compete at Olympics
Old "Golden Balls" is considering an offer to be part of GB's syncronised swimming team.
According to an insider he is training hard and has already ditched his armbands
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Buckingham Palace to be renamed Queen's Crib
For the second time in less than a week, Parliament announced that yet another iconic structure would be renamed in honor of Q.E. II. Queen's Crib will still feature the changing of the lads.
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written by
Lyndon, 29 June 2012
