Spoof news snippets from Monday 25 June 2012

Doker Johnson with that bloody winking aire o his!

He better mind his snippeting-thier only two sentinels leftwatching t coast. Boson Higgs who is now 2 for 2 has the prime number packed into the rubber keyhole and stuffed tight with a paper asshole

Queen Mudder sails for Argentina!

Well, well, don't ye know. Cain slew Abel slew the friggin Pope, dint he? He hacked as fast as a cats Ass in a perfectly Queen Murder - er, Mudder, that is. She's got a 50 caliber Glock to her head!

Steven Gerrard: I'll never give up my dream of success with England!

Along with a few million unemployed dreaming of getting a job in England?

FA sue UEFA and FIFA for crimes against humanity!

After Englands ubiquitous penalty shoot-out display the FA have decided to sue the UEFA and FIFA on the grounds of cruelty, mental torture and inhumane acts. They might actually win this one!

1,500 litres of milk spilt on West Lothian motorway

The incident happened after a lorry overtuned following a crash with a van.

A man was taken to St. John's hospital in Livingston suffering from a pointless bout of crying.

Bieber Army hungry for Macca's

What is left of the Bieber Army has now regrouped and planning to invade a McDonald's restaurant near the Lebanese border. Warfare proved to be too big a task for these teeny boppers. Big Mac anyone?

Bieber Army fails mission to Syria

In news just in, Justin Bieber Army recruits have been blasted off the planet by Syrian forces as they attempted to topple the Assad Government in Damascus. The singer himself is in hiding. Oh dear!!!

Bieber Army on march

Forces of the Justin Bieber Army have massed and are poised to invade Syria at any moment.Thousands of conscripted thirteen year olds will march on Damascus to topple the brutal regime of Assad. Ohh!

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 86

Huge Shark Caught Off Cornwall

Two fishermen have reeled in what is believed to be the largest shark caught in British waters...

It is uncertain whether it was George Osborne or not at this stage!

New Species Revealed By Scientists

A Sneezing monkey, a venomous Box Jelly jellyfish, a blue Sazima's Tarantula, & a giant millipede identified by scientists.

They have yet to discover an honest MP though!"

Dog, left at Missouri rest area, waits for 2 days

A Yorkie puppy wasn't about to leave a Missouri rest stop without his master. Mistakenly left by a truck driver, 'Rambo' waited there for 2 days until his owner was able to track him down.. "Nice!"

Word misspelled on Md. high school's diplomas!

Diplomas at a Maryland high school are being reprinted because they contain a spelling error....

"Whoops!"

Elvis Presley To Make A Virtual Comeback

A hologram of Elvis Presley, who died in 1977, will be created by Digital Domain Media Group (DDMG), will be used.

"Is Elvis dead then?"

David Cameron leaves daughter in pub

David Cameron's office confirmed Monday that he accidentally left his 8-year-old daughter Nancy in a country pub after a family Sunday lunch.

"Probably concentrating on doing his expenses claim?"

Greek MP Sues The Female Rivals He Attacked!

Greek far-right MP who slapped one left-wing female & threw a glass of water at another MP during a live TV debate is taking legal action against his victims.

"Sounds all Greek to me!"