Spoof news snippets from Saturday 2 June 2012

Madonna Appeals For World Peace

Her new world tour kicked off in Israel in front of 30,000 fans.

Madonna declared, "If there is peace in the Middle East, there can be peace in the whole world."

Problem solved.

Long-Awaited IPO: RUBBER KEYHOLE (RK)

Move over Facebook! THE STREET has been waiting for this one since Skeesix broke the story in Gasoline Alley in the 30s.
RK is a maker of "soft access systems" according to the prospectus. But $38?

North Pole Purchased by Russian Oligarchs

A Consortium of rich, fat guys has bought the North Pole and are attempting a foreclosure on its only occupants, a Mr. and Mrs. S. Clause. Who the sellers think they are is not clear at this time.

International Date Line Malfunctions - Gets Jump Start from U.S. Navy

June 1, was a little late. The end of May came but got stuck in the middle of the Pacific-that is, until the Pacific Fleet opened up and "saved the day". EOM Reports are due 6/31 and nobody's rushing.

Pyramids to Go on US Tour This Summer!

GIZA - The Egyptian Eisenhower, Howie Sawass, found the right switch and hit it. Tickets available at Ticketmaster.

Moon To Close for Repairs - light to go out Sunday

NASA has announced recently that the Moon will undergo repairs Sunday, June 3. At issue is the moons albedo, or reflective capacity, in steep decline since 2008. The repairs will be done at night.

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 69

Kim Kardashian reads Nietzsche to prove to Kanye West she's not a moron

News for ya Kimmy, it never worked for Joey Barton and it won't work for you.

Human Girls Beware!

Human girls watch out for this #alienpickupline."My spaceships warming up out back & its ready to go to uranus, if u know what I mean"

Boat Race "Swimmer" To Disrupt Diamond Jubilee Pageant

Trenton Oldfield has announced his intention to "swim in the way of the Queen's barge".
Her Majesty has announced that HMS Belfast is to be steamed up for the first time in 50 years.