Cruise company offer survivors 30% off next trip
But hey, don't worry, you get a 50% chance of survival next time..
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Tickets for the superbowl on the blackmarket for $11,000
So even if I win a $10k bet with Mitt Romney I still can't afford one...
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Tory Party to Blame Labour Party of Making Big Ben Lean
David Cameron has blamed the Labour Party of causing Big Ben, Parliament's landmark clock tower to lean towards the LEFT.
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Aretha Franklin calls off wedding
Dam'n it - I'd already bought them a card!
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Sven-Goran Eriksson 'wanted to live in Thailand with two women', says Didi Hamann
That must be a misprint - with sven it's more likely two a day.
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Katie Price aka Jordan tweets about the economy
You see - sometimes looks can be deceiving...
What? It was a publicity stunt for a chocolate bar, ok scrub that last remark...
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Harry Redknapp appears in court on 'tax dodge' charges
Why would he want to impersonate a student?
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Harvesting
New plans to Harness The Power Of The Sea....so its, "Hi-Ho surfer a-way is it?"
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Why I'm a Feminist
Home Secretary Theresa 'cock-a-leg' May: "Why I'm A Feminist", thanks for clearing that one up at last Tess, I naturally assumed you were a Trannie...so that strange walk must be an old wound then?
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An Obscene Disease
Fame is an 'obscene disease', says Sean penn...I agree it's pretty crap when compared to GLEE but fair go cobber, it was originally made in 1980 so it's bound to look a bit dated!
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It ASDA-b.....innit?
Bon Marche closes 160 stores, 1,400 unemployed head for the Jobcentres and a potential thrilling career with ASDA who are creating 5,000 NON contractual shit jobs at minimum wage naturally!!
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Health shocker! Graham Norton diseased nose scare.
Chat show fave, Graham Norton was discharged from a London hospital today after treatment for a mystery nasal infection. Doctors say it was apparently caused by excessive amounts of brown nosing.
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'Arry Redknapp 'as 'ad a bung!
'Arry Redknapp arrived in court today after he 'ad a bung. 'Arry would 'ave prefered a red card for Balotelli after he gave Parker a "bang" on the 'ead mate!
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Pink elephant spotted in Africa is definitely Dumbo!
A pink elephant photographed by tourists after they'd downed several bottles of pink champagne is Dumbo the flying elephant; they also captured several pink flying pigs on film, ask Pink Floyd!
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Earl of Mansfield's son acquitted on rape charge!
Honourable James Murray, Eton aristocrat who admitted having sex with a schoolgirl within days of her 16th birthday walked smiling from court yesterday after he was cleared of rape.
Nepotistic Git!
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625 Drivers who caused Death, back on the road!
625 killers have been allowed back behind the wheel.
317 Drunks - 148 who caused death dangerous driving, 138 for dangerous driving, 13 who took a life while unlicensed/disqualified!
"WHY?"
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kung Phooey!!
The belated sequel released at last... "Enter The Dragon: China Celebrtes New Year"...but will it be as good without Bruce Lee?
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You Cannot Pull Nothing Over On Sarah "Snowflake" Palin
Nancy Pelosi recently stated that Florida was bigger than England. Sarah Palin wanting to show her geographical expertise added, "And China is bigger than Connecticut."
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The World's Most Popular Misnamed Fish
Contrary to popular belief, jellyfish do not contain any jelly whatsoever, they do however contain an ever so slight amount of peanut butter.
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Marian Shields Robinson Has A Very Unique Job
Ann "Jemima" Dayskill, the White House chief cook, says that there are 13,092 knives, forks and spoons in the White House. She said Michelle Obama's mama gets paid to count them every three days.
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Seeing is "BeeLieving"
Bee experts say that honeybees actually have hair on their eyes which explains why some people have actually found little itty bitty curlers in their jars of honey.
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Shut-eye can preserve painful memories!
Daily Mail: In tests, researchers showed that people made to watch an upsetting or traumatic event felt less emotional if they stayed awake afterwards.
"I've always wanted that clarifying you know!"
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