Divorce to cost Russel Brand '£20 million'
He'll have to cut back on his order of black skinny jeans for 2012.
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John Terry dismissed newspaper rumours of a move to the Chinese football League
"Full of bloody foreigners there innit"
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Big Ben chimes in the new year at Midnight
Police confirm that the attempted #OccupyBigBen coup arranged by twitter users had been thwarted.
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Rihanna forgets bra for big New Years Eve party
In fact, it's been 'missing' for over a month and I refuse to give it back.
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Government orders review of breast implant risks
The Health Minister has promised he will personally takes a 'hands-on role' in the investigation.
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Coronation St actor Michael Le Vell cleared of child sex allegations
The fashion police still want to ask him questions relating to that 'tache for most of the 80s and 90s.
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Kylie Minogue has decade's most played record
Coincidentally she also had the decade's most viewed hotpants on You Tube.
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Luis Suarez evidence to FA deemed 'unreliable'
Has he hired Piers Morgan as his media advisor?
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Andy Murray Appoints Ivan Lendl as new coach
Nearly man appoints Never Man.
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Spoof News Writer Reveals Shock Start to 2012
"I've managed to go a whole 24 hours without looking at the dail Mail website - but I was intoxicated arse up in a dustbin for 14 of those hours"
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BBC is 'pro coalition' say Labour Party Officials
BBC spokesman hit back saying "With 20% cuts scheduled across the network we will soon be semi-pro the coalition"
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Media speculate whether Rupert Murdoch will write his own tweets
Well he had to redeploy the News of The World journo's somehow.
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Rupert Murdoch has joined Twitter
His wife Wendi Deng has also joined to defend him from attempts to throw tweety pies in his face.
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30 Years of Wearing an earpiece for tv has made me deaf says Anne Diamond
Producers have now agreed a policy of throwing tomatoes with notes attached at her.
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Gloria Allred Is Always Looking For The Dollar $ign$
Famed attorney Gloria Allred was asked what her wish for the New Year is. She grinned and said to please, please, please get a phone call from Vane$$a Bryant.
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Willie Nelson Is Still Making Them Funny Smelling Smoke Signals
Willie Nelson was asked what his New Year's resolution for 2012 is. He replied that he'll cross that bridge when he gets to it.
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The Mathematically Gifted Paris Hilton Has Spoken (Again)
Paris Hilton has stated that her number one New Year's resolution is to find a way to raise her IQ from the low 70s to at least somewhere up in the high 60s.
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LeAnn Rimes Is Not Happy With Her Weight
LeAnn Rimes has vowed to lose even more weight so that her husband can carry her around in his shirt pocket.
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Hank Williams Jr. Has Got The Right Idea
Hank Williams Jr., has said that his New Year's resolution is to self-impose a four-second word delay in his mouth.
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Nicole Scherzinger Says She Will Definitely Make The Effort
Nicole Scherzinger says that her New Year's resolution is to stop using so much spray on tanning spray because people are starting to call her the female George Hamilton.
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Donald Trump Is Not A Happy Billionaire Camper
Donald Trump's New Year's resolution is to ignore the hair haters and to do his best to kick every GOP presidential hopeful's arrogant, Trump Debate-ignoring ass.
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Vice-President Joe Biden Has Two New Year's Resolutions
Vice-President Joe Biden has said that he has two New Year's resolutions for 2012. The first is to cut back on his six-burger-a-day habit and his second is to get more involved in government issues.
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Andrew Lloyd Webber predicts a 'bloodbath' in London theatres during 2012
I'm sure the Spice Girl musical won't be that bad.
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Quiet News Day as 2012 Begins
Turns out even Terrorists, Murderers and Rioters have a day off to celebrate the new year.
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Duke of Edinburgh applauded on walk to church
Onlookers remarked they were just getting practise for when the coffin passes.
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Long Lost wedding ring turns up on carrot after 16 years
Even more amazing in this day and age, the couple are STILL happily married.
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Merkel and Sarcozy in You Tube Hit
The spoof newsroom team logged on to have a look, but sadly they never explained where all the money went.
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Detoxing in January is futile, says liver charity
And resistance to detoxing is futile too. Eventually.
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Nick Clegg runs up £1million bill on spin doctors and advisers!
Did they advice him that a political marriage with the nepotist Cameron would be bad for his and his parties political health?
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Archbishop of Canterbury blasted for comparing rioters and bankers!
A minister hit out at the Archbishop of Canterbury yesterday for comparing City bankers to the rioters who tore apart Britain's cities over the summer.
"I like his style!"
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Kids bored with new toys in record time
Harfold State College released a study today that supports the notion that kids were already climbing-the-walls bored with new toys by 2 pm Christmas day. This beats the old mark of 2:21 set in 2010.
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written by
Lyndon, 01 January 2012
'Iraq Day' signifies U.S. search for new reason to invade Iraq
Iraqi Prime Minister al-Maliki declared Saturday "Iraq Day" to mark the end of a U.S. presence in his country. The U.S. is currently drumming up another reason to declare another "Re-visit Iraq Day."
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written by
Lyndon, 01 January 2012
