Spoof news snippets from Monday 24 December 2012
'Gone away' is the Bluebird
Scientists suggest that, in geographical locations that can be termed 'Winter Wonderlands', the Bluebird has 'gone away' to be replaced by what they are calling a 'New Bird'.
Top baby names of 2012: Thrush and Fecal
Other top names include Machete, Van Der Graaf Generator, Human Centipede, Velcro, Fuckstick, Cheesy Football, Smegma, Vosene, Septuagesima and Quad Bike.
Mayan's prediction of jet packs for everyone now being treated with scepticism
The headline is the story - I am too tired to write the rest. Anyway, it's nearly Christmas. Seasons' greetings to one and all
Archeologists red-faced after confusing 'hypocaust' with 'holocaust'
'Now we know why we didn't find any mosaic floor tiles at Aushwitz!' said Professor Bulb-of-Percussion at the University of Wessex.
Romans had 'the Holocaust' under their floors
Archeologists have proved that the Romans had concentration camps with guards and gas chambers under their floors as a means of providing heating.
US constitution: right to 'bear arms' becomes 'have small penises'
The US constitution will strike a reference to bearing arms and replace it with a reference to small penises - the implication will remain the same, thus avoiding the anger of the pro-gun lobby.
Top present of 2012 will be Bradley Wiggins' sperm preserved in amber
Shops report they sold out of the Sports Personality's seed fixed in protective resin this weekend. Scientists hope that the fluid may be reactivated in the future to create an island of cyclists.
Cancer scientists admit they were working on the starsign, not the disease
'We found a cure for Cancer, but it involved not being born between 21 June and 22 July. Sorry'.
'Xmas' is blasphemous abbreviation
Replacing 'Christ' in the word 'Christmas' with an 'X' is 'the devil's work' according to the Church of Christ Christ Christ Christ Christ yes Christ.
Christmas 'makes dogs come'
Just seeing the word 'Christmas' can induce orgasm in some breeds of dogs, experts at the Institute of Fucking Around suggest.