Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 11 December 2012
Breathing 'not necessary'
Researchers at the Institute of Iceland Supermarket Christmas Advert 2012 say that breathing for humans is 'really just trying to attract attention, no-one thinks you're clever or anything'.
Masterchef final 'pre-recorded in 1931'
BBC at centre of more controversy when it was revealed that the 2012 Masterchef final was actually recorded 81 years ago to save time.
Misogyny 'too hard for women to spell'
Researchers at the University of East Biggleswade have concluded that women are simply 'too stupid' to even spell misogyny, let alone understand it.
Dirty money or dirty laundry? Go to HSBC!
The US have fined HSBC for being as clean as a whistle whilst laundering filthy money from drug cartels and rogue nations! It was easy; they own the joint!
Teeth 'not enough'
When purchasing a first home, mortgage lenders have suggested that any deposit must be paid with cash, and that teeth or other body parts are simply 'not enough'.
Hoax callers 'to kill Clarkson'
Australian DJs who caused a suicide by prank-calling a London hospital have been urged to call Jeremy Clarkson in an effort to make him take his own life.
Sheepskin wearing monkey bookies new favorite.
A monkey named Darwin who was spotted shopping at Ikea in Toronto is the new favorite to be the next Chelsea manager. "In that sheepskin coat he looks a bit like John Motson" A Chelsea fan said.
It all adds up!
2011 Census reveals: Rise in Immigrants boosts population.....no shit Sherlock!