Spoof news snippets from Friday 31 August 2012

Cure found by Doctor

News just in, Dr David Rotanimretxe, a Bulgarian taxidermist, has found a cure for cancer. "I found it in the cupboard" he declared. The world awaits this dramatic discovery and its conclusion.

Lord Mayor Johnson cranky

"I'll see to it that you never work in this town again" said London Lord Mayor Johnson as he spoke to singer Tom Jones after the Welshman told his audience that Johnson was an imbecile and a moron.

Man found in tree

A Workington man has been discovered up a tree for 14 days after he tried to rescue a frightened moggie. Police found him after hearing frantic cries for help. He will now be charged with TREEspass.

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 125

Bad Headline: Number 113

Jamaican Minorities Complain about TV Coverage

Jamaican minorities have complained that there is not enough programs that deal with them. Therefore, the BBC have resorted to showing Crimewatch 5 times a week - that should balance things up!

Britain's First Paralympics Gold Brings Spectators To Their Feet

Well some of em anyway.

Immigrant molester wants to go back to Iraq!

Rasul Abdullah became a serial sex attacker after winning his legal battle to stay in Britain. He groped two women in a club and molested a young mum he had kidnapped.

"What's the problem... let him go!"

Pensioner puts inflatable sex doll outside house to slow speeding drivers!

Fed-up pensioner Lin Chen bought the doll and dressed it in sexy red lingerie so motorists would slow down to take a look!

Photo of Doll outside her home

Harrod's Santa arrives with only 151 shopping days left...

Santa arrived in London July 26th - dressed in his usual red robes, though with sunglasses on - to open the Harrods Christmas department!

"Glad he wasn't late!"