Spoof news snippets from Monday 20 August 2012

Tommy proclaims, "Happy Meal toys are shit"

Little Tommy Bean, 7, stormed out of the Harfold McDonald's, tossing yet another Sponge Bob give-away into the trash. "How many pieces of crap can a kid get from the 3rd World before you've had it."

Alex Salmond, Scottish First Minister

Spends taxpayers thousands going to film premier in LA.

Did nobody tell him it was only a fucking cartoon?

Maybe "he's worth it".

Me, I think he's just a little, mouthy shite ripe for a fall.

Martian stone is not Mick Jagger!

Robot Curiosity filmed a 7cm, $2,5 billion Martian stone, it was not Mick Jagger's, he's is bigger and rolls!

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 119

Scrabble player thrown out of US competition after hiding tiles

A young Under-18 Scrabble player has been kicked out of the national championship in the US for cheating.

"MP material there..."

Adrian and Gillian Bayford win £148.6million Euro jackpot

"I'm so pleased for them!"

14.08.12: UK Voting Intentions Poll

Labour 42% - Conservative 32% - UKIP 8% - Lib Dem 8% - Others 10%

All the big 3 are down - UKIP the same - just the mysterious Others are up!

Jessie J helps 6 yr old girl come out of coma

The girl woke up and shouted "Get that screeching out of here" before going back into a coma

Mail on Sunday find Mo Farah's twin brother

Surprisingly they haven't called for him to be deported...

Dumb But Not Stupid

DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Shultz has resisted pressure from a high ranking Obama aide to replace Vice President Biden on the 2012 Democratic ticket.

A Box of Rocks is still on the Short List

Bart Simpson has declined to replace Vice President Biden on the Democratic ticket. A Republican National Committee spokesperson could not cease laughing to make a comment!

President Obama's Lack of an Energy Policy

No offshore oil drilling insures gasoline price rises, even without Mideast supply disruption or refinery accidents. Obama's obtuse solution to $4.00 p/g gasoline is to tap the Strategic Oil Reserve.

Poster Child for Term Limits Speaks

Rep. Charlie Rangel (D-NY) indicates that it is a violation of 4th Amendment rights to make people on welfare, living in public housing do community service to keep the facilities clean!

Biden Escaped His Minders

LONE RANGER: Democratic Vice President Biden is a throwback to the 60s. TONTO: Yes, old foot-in-mouth Joe is a throwback to the 1860s being a demagogue spouting "They gonna put y'all back in chains!"