Spoof news snippets from Wednesday 15 August 2012

Swiss stadium name anticlimax

The England football team were disappointed that they had to play a game against Italy tonight. They had been informed that they were going to Wankdorf.

Fabrice Muamba forced to quit soccer!

Very sad news; Good luck to him for the future!

Spoofer reaches 400 snippets

Spoofer has reached the 400 snippet milestone, and discovers that his 400th snippet is rather dull.

Bill Gates Challenge to Reinvent Toilet

Microsoft CEO has thrown out the challenge to reinvent the toilet. "After more than 2 decades producing crap like Windows, there must be a better way of getting rid of it than using water." he said.

67, 500 People Forced to Wait Upto 12 Hours on A&E Trolleys

Up to 67,500 people are being forced to wait up to 12 hours for a hospital bed and are lying upon A&E trolleys. The government plan to sell all of the A&E trolleys in order to eradicate the problem.

Bolt and Yeti

Triple gold medallist, Usain Bolt, says he will retire next month to pursue the existence of the yeti. "I want to find this guy" Bolt declared "even if it kills me". Hope the yeti is fast. Who knows?

A 12-year-old boy was caught supplying cannabis in a park!

Police found his Nationwide book on him with 23gms of skunk cannabis. He cannot be named for legal reasons, admitted possessing class B drugs with intent to supply.

"Sad how things are going innit?"

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 115

Iraqi asylum seeker rioter given ­£3million home!

Nasir Muhsen, 18, ­who terrorised restaurant diners and smashed up shops was ­living in a ­£3million flat at the expense of British taxpayers.

"There will never be peace while this happens!"

Foreigners in UK jails costing £456million a year!

Tory MP Priti Patel: "Living in Britain is a privilege and foreigners who come here and flout our laws should be sent packing without delay!"

Nice thought!

Nott'm Council: Local children behaving better this year!

I'm proud to say that Nottingham kids have proved time and again that they're more reliable and trustworthy this year.

Far less of them are jumping bail nowadays!

New EU Directive 456179/002 implemented!

All citizens of the United Kingdom must be made aware that the phrase "Spending a penny" is barred, after 11th Aug 2012.

"Euronating" will replace the phrase.

London games a fake.

A leading cynic has suggested the recently completed Olympic Games in London were phony and consisted of contrived events pretending to take place in the British capital. What a great theory folks!