Spoof news snippets from Saturday 11 August 2012

Olympics Encourages Thousands Of UK Citizens To Take Up A Sport

'This will be great for the UK,' said a Sports Ministry spokesman. 'The only disadvantage we can foresee is more bloody cyclists during the rush hour.'

Pensioner knocked over in Nottingham

Inchcock Chambers had his right foot ran over and he was knocked into the bushes. But escaped with a bruised toe and foot, and jarred shoulder.

The driver shot off on his mobility scooter!

Irish Boxing Team Disqualified from Olympics

The Irish boxing team have been disqualified from the London 2012 Olympics because they failed to bring adequate parcel tape.

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 112

New York Penthouse listed for $100 million

The 8,000-square-foot apartment features 6 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms and a terrace with views of the city. It has an internal elevator and a wine room for 1,000 bottles.

"Oh, where's me pension book..."

Puss In Boot: Stowaway Cat Turns Up In Kent

Pussycat, pussycat where have you been? A kitten stows away in a lorry in Turkey and ends up 2,000 miles away in England.

"Probably just following the scent of its owners!"

Mexican Cooks Serve Up 173ft 9in Long Sandwich

Dozens of cooks joined forces prepare what they claim is the world's largest sandwich.
A torta can be stuffed with egg, sausage, ham, steak, and/or cheese.

"Osborne would tax it in Britain!"

'Psychic' Raccoon's Olympic Prediction

A Russian zoo animal tips China to top the medals table, just weeks after correctly selecting the winner of Euro 2012.

"Well my goldfish picked Zambia!"

Man sets fire to home by microwaving his underwear!

Firefighters saved an apartment from after its domestically challenged resident tried to dry his wet underwear in a microwave oven.

Memo to self: : A microwave is for leftovers, not your boxers