Spoof news snippets from Sunday 29 April 2012

Roy Hodgson Set To Be Offered England Job, Redknapp's Dog Fears For It's Life

Harry Redknapp is said to be very upset. His dog, Rosie, is likely to bore the brunt of his anger with a good kicking.
As if the poor thing hasn't had a bad enough year already (The dog, not 'Arry.)

This day in 1862 Orleans falls to Union Troops in American Civil War

A detachment of Union soldiers finding an arc on the banks of the Mississippi go sailing and take Orleans for the North and successfully hold it against determined disinterest by the local population

Today in 1429 Joan of Arc Takes New Orleans for France

A vision from God followed by an ill judged left turn at Rheims Joan takes New Orleans from a rather confused Native American tribe. The sea voyage was made possible by her Arc - hence the name.

Ke$ha tweets pics of herself peeing in public.

Classy. Remind me to un-invite her to sunday lunch at my parents next week.

Former London Philharmonic Orchestra Conductor Falls Off Stage

German born Kurt Masur, 84, was conducting the National Orchestra of France when he toppled off the stage.
He suffered only minor injuries. When asked how he was he said, "I feel as fit as a fiddle."

Lebanon Holds 'Syria Arms Ship'

A consignment of arms and ammo has been confiscated by the Lebanese navy. It's a little know fact that most Syrians have no arms. So they need these arms as they've no other way of holding their guns.

Ministry of Defence To Place Surface-to-air Missiles On London Council Estate During Olympics

'They've put one in the spare bedroom,' said one affected resident. 'I've told the kids not to touch the big red button.'

Yer gotta 'ave class like!

Glamour Magazine votes 'best dressed' list 3) Posh Spice 8) Cheryl Cole and unbelivably 10)Rihanna.......when did these three start dressing with the lights on??

"We'll meet again"

Plan to put missiles on top of flats in Bow, East London during WW3..oops, sorry...the Olympics! Meanwhile, SKY TV News cougar Kay Burley has requested an 'ack ack' unit in her bedroom 24/7..!!

Norwich 0 Liverpool 3 (Luis Saurez hat-trick)

Makes a change for him to show his football skills on the pitch!

Wycombe relegated to League 2 by Judge

Wycombe 3 (Bloomfield, Bavon, Beasey)
Notts County 4 (Bogdanovich, Judge 2, Adebola)

No word yet on if Wycombe are going to appeal.

Revealed: William and Kate's first year of married life!

"Na! second thoughts... I wont bother, they aren't bothered about my first year after heart surgery!"

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 35

Fingernails of the Stars! New Reality TV Show Has People Biting Their Nails!

Success of Paint Peeling which drew over 6 million American viewers has lead to a new Reality show, watching star's fingernails grow. Lindsay Lohan, Oprah Winfrey are just two of the nails you'll see.

Scotland's Dull and America's Boring!

A new initiative has paired the Scottish hamlet of Dull with an American town named Boring....

It may be dull and boring but the two towns are thrilled to be linking up!