Spoof news snippets from Sunday 15 April 2012

Bad headline: number 102

ARSON SUSPECT IS HELD IN MASSACHUSETTS FIRE

Sweets & Alcohol to be banned from using fancy packaging?

Health Secretary Andrew Lansley yesterday announced.

"Look Lansley, if your really bothered ban the f'ing sweets, tobacco and alcohol altogether... of course that will affect your Glenfiddich intake?"

Nottingahm Chemist robbed of 500 box's of Viagra!

The suspect is suspected to be a hardened criminal!

Ashley Young to join Olympic Diving Team.

"He's a natural partner for Tom Daley" says team coach.

David Cameron to Increase RAF Aircraft

Following his historic visit to Burma, David Cameron has secured the release of 20 Spitfires which were buried in crates during WW2. "I'm sure that this will keep Britain safe from invaders" he said.

Biden's take on the prostitute episode in Columbia

According to Vice President Biden, "This flap in Columbia with hookers and our secret agents is a big fuckin' deal."

Obama's comment on Free Trade with Columbia

President Obama in Cartagena, Columbia said, "A $47 a night hooker for secret service agents proves that free trade with Columbia is a myth, on the other hand, it illustrates stimulus does work."

One upmanship-Italian style?

An Italian footballer who collapsed on a pitch has died after cardiac arrest, typical, anything the UK can do the Italians just have to go one better!!

The Sequel

Prison break, nearly 400 escape Pakistan jail, police on the lookout for possible ring leaders, a heavily tattood Michael Scofield and his accomplice Theodore "T-bag" Bagwell!!

Inseine's BOOK OF THE DAY 21

Traditional Folk Singers Say Titanic Commemorations Have Been Excessive

'It's not as if it's the only boat that ever sank,' said a spokesman for the British Traditional Folk Singers Association. 'In fact, our members rarely sing about any other subject.'

Cruise ship retracing the route of the Titanic!

The passengers of a cruise ship are to hold a memorial service when it reaches the spot where the ship sank.

"It can't happen again... can it?"

George Osborne puts "tax on churches!"

George Osborne was rocked by a new Budget row yesterday over plans for a "tax on churches".

"Now he is mocks God, as well as the proletariat!"

David Cameron visited controversial donor's factory!

David Cameron visited controversial donor's factory shortly after £83,000 donation to Tories.

"As William Hague said: So what?"

Kim Jong-un Takes Positon in Pfizer

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un announced today that his country is taking a major position in Pfizer Inc. He has directed his rocket scientists to fuel their next rocket with Viagara.