Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 6 September 2011
10th Anniversary of 9/11 Brings Painful Reminder of America's Greatest Tragedy
The presidency of George W. Bush
In Chicago, President more popular than Lovie Smith
A new poll shows President Obama is a still more popular than Lovie Smith in Chicago, but the deep dish pizza was still number one on the list of likeable things about Chicago.
Amazon's New Products
Amazon, the online shopping giant, are to start selling parrots. "Well, given their name, it makes sense," said one shopper. "But only if they're green."
Amazon's new products
From Saturday, online shopping giant, Amazon, will be selling tall, athletic women who are good with a bow. "Well, given their name," said one shopper, "it's about time."
Amazon's new products
Online shopping giant, Amazon, will start selling tropical hard woods from Friday. "Well, given the name it's about time," said one shopper.
Amazon's new products
Online shopping giant, Amazon will start selling boats from Wednesday. "Well, given their name, it's about time!" said one shopper.
David Cameron Could Not Feature in Tom Tom Sat Nav
After Jeremy Clarkson successfully featured as the new voice for Tom Tom Sat Nav's, it can be revealed that David Cameron could not do the job because he was continuously making U-turns
We Are Well off for Handbags!
After catching a 21 foot crocodile, a Philippino village will be able to make up to 40 handbags and three pairs of shoes and export them.
MPs to Launch Archery Team for the Olympics
Several MPs of various political parties challenged the English archery team on Speaker's Green in preparation for the 2012 Olympics. As predicted, EVERY single MP missed his target!
Missing Gene Gives Fat Chance of Losing Weight
The scientists have given large people the perfect excuse NOT to be energetic. They now claim that there is such thing as the "exercise" gene which is absent in such people.
Hope for Those Missing the "Exercise" Gene
There is a new option for those who are deficient of the "exercise" gene. Doctors have developed a program to stimulate energetic activity beginning with picking up the remote control.
Captured giant croc is related to Godzilla!
A giant croc captured alive in the Philippines is related to Godzilla the evil T Rex, they took his genes off and they matched. T-Rex wore the same ones!
Gaddaffi headed for 'Vegas
Colonel Gaddaffi of Libya is planning to leave his country and reside in Las Vegas, Nevada. He claims that he can make more money there than any other place on earth. Just give him plenty of chips.
Moron
Margaret Moron, ex MP charged with fake expenses of £60,000 whilst an MP is shocked at being taken to court. 'To think I am being compared to a 14 year old who stole a dustbin during the riots'
David Cameron caught out in a lie
Conservative leader, David Cameron was caught out in a lie by Jeremy Paxman last night. "What can I say," he said in defence. "I put the Tory in Story."
Willie Nelson Can Still Do The "Do"
Willie Nelson 75, was allegedly caught in Houston with some illegal Viagra, a marijuana cigarette, and an 87-year-old millionaire 'cougar.'
Michele Bachmann Says Her "Homophobic" Husband Has Cost Her Lots of Votes
Michele Bachmann says she's losing votes because of her husband's anti-gay remarks. She told him to stop and start attacking other people like blacks, Jews, or the big butted Kardashian sisters.
Sarah Palin - The Closet Democrat?
Kathy Griffin said that when she was dating Sarah Palin's ex-future son-in-law Levi Johnston that he told her that Sarah had voted for Bill Clinton in the 1992 presidential election.
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Says Harold Camping Is Just Plain Wrong
Harold Camping says that he predicts that President Obama will sell the state of Arizona to The Green Guacamole Drug Cartel of Mexico sometime in late November.
This year's success at MDA Telethon proof that Jerry Lewis always did a poor job
In only 6 hours, the MDA Telethon raised over $60 million, by far the most per hour in its 45-year history. Normally 21 hours long, the result is proof that Jerry Lewis was dogging it all those years.
Obama's New, New, New Economic Strategy
On Thursday President Obama will unveil his latest strategy to get the US economy moving and create jobs. "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull." (W. C. Fields)
Not Me
In making a decision to let the current Ozone regulations stand until 2013, Pres. Obama ducks blame by indicating the EPA pushed it. Golly Molly the EPA is part of the president's executive branch!
Under the Bus
Pres. Obama is in full reelection mode. He will throw any Democratic liberal under the bus who tries to keep him from a second term, e.g. unions, environmentalists. He chides them to vote Republican!
Three Strikes Your Out
Pres. Obama is to unveil his third strategy to get the US economy moving & create jobs. The government creating private sector jobs is an Oxymoron and the fans are ready to hire a new team in 2012!
Economic Foolishness
Food police, environmentalists & ObamaCare supporters say all their nanny-state regulations save hundreds of billions of tax dollars. So why are Obama's budget deficits getting larger, not smaller?
Hopefully Scared Straight
Republican strategists are whispering into their presidential candidates ears "if you put social issues above bread and butter/pocketbook issues look forward to four more years of Obamanomics!"
Things Could get Ugly
The politically correct loony left crowd wants ugliness added to the job discrimination list. Aren't the courts crowded enough without creating more frivolous lawsuits?
New Safety Regulation
The city of Washington DC has a new federal regulation mandated on toilet paper to prevent paper cuts!
Government Picking Winners and Losers
King Obama I & the Democrats subsidized the Solar Panel industry, which is going bankrupt. Private sector investors choose different energy corporations & let the marketplace determine the outcome!
New TV Feature
New model TV sets have an automatic MOOT feature that temporarily disables the video and audio whenever President Obama tries to sell his same old economic soap!
Remember Hurricane Tawana
The Reverend Al Sharpton charges NOAA with racism as all the hurricanes/tropical storms seem to hit New Orleans LA, but none hit Nome AK!
Mail Sale
Federal Express offers to buy the defaulting US Postal Service and turn it into a profit making organization. Obama administration officials confused over the word profit!
Stimulus
While at the Harvard Law school, student B. Obama got a D in Constitutional Law 101. The excuse was always that his dog Stimulus kept eating the homework assignments!
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