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Breaking News Update on Missing Aruba Woman

At a news conference in Aruba today investigators said they had breaking news and a major update on the missing woman. They then announced the breaking news update was that they had run out of leads.

written by Lola Heatherton, 14 September 2011
Rating:

Jalil Name Change Mooted

The head of Libya's National Transvestite Council wants to change his name from Jalil to Jill.

written by j.w., 14 September 2011
Rating:

Mitt Romney Has Seen Michele "Hair Spray" Bachmann Up Close

Mitt Romeny says that no one can really tell unless they are standing right next to her but he revealed that Michele Bachmann has a moustache, a goatee, and a crooked-as-hell landing strip.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 September 2011
Rating:

Rick Perry Says Ron Paul Is One Old Son-of-A-Gun

Rick Perry said that Ron Paul is so old that he was around when Texas was still a part of Mexico.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 September 2011
Rating:

Jon Huntsman Is Starting To Seriously Think About Going Away

Jon Huntsman has about as much chance of winning the GOP presidential nomination as Joan Rivers has of getting her old muffin touched by Clay Aiken.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 September 2011
Rating:

The Reason Herman Cain Does Not Like Michele Bachmann

During the last GOP debate Herman Cain brought Godfather's Pizza for all the candidates except for Michele Bachmann. When asked why he said "Cos da flaky bitch said she prefers Pizza Hut."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 September 2011
Rating:

Next Year's Edinburgh Fringe Sponsor Revealed

Wayne Rooney will be sponsoring next year's Edinburgh Fringe. "It's going to be called Rooney's Fringe," he said. "I thought I might as well, now I've got one."

written by IainB, 14 September 2011
Rating:

Vegetarian Suicide Bomber

Muslim funamentalist suicide bombers are told to expect 72 virgins on death; Thomas Harto, the vegetarian suicide bomber, who destroyed a turkey farm in Dorset, misheard this as 72 vegans.

written by IainB, 14 September 2011
Rating:

Retired baseball player can post bail only after selling penthouse

Former slugger Manny Ramirez, arrested for spousal battery, posted $2,500 bail today. Struggling to raise the bail money, Ramirez learned that his Boston penthouse had finally sold for $5.5 million.

written by Lyndon, 14 September 2011
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