Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 13 September 2011
Rick Perry Calls For Ban On Teaching In Schools
Texas governor plans to ask for ban on schools themselves next year.
Reports of Loch Ness Monster in River Thames
During this week, there have been sightings of what appears to be the Loch Ness monster in London's River Thames. They have turned out to be David Walliams
BNP member bounces Czech in a Czech!
A BNP member waiting to bounce his own cheque was run over by a Czech in a Czech (Skoda) today. The BNP man then jumped on the Czech and bounced on him and then forgot to bounce his own cheque!
Police Press Charges Against SuperGreaseMan
'They'll never stick" he says.
Many Viewers Have Actually Stopped Taking Their Sleeping Pills
It's now official, the GOP Presidential Debate has become more boring than the host of It's Worth What? Cedric The Entertainer who utters that incessant phrase, "It's Worth What?" every 35 seconds.
Ron "Suzy Homemaker" Paul Can Do It All
Ron Paul confessed that he almost did not make the latest presidential debate due to the fact that it was his turn to cook dinner and wash the dishes.
Mitt Romney Replied, "He Did What?"
Tim Pawlenty endorsed Mitt Romney. And immediately Romney's popularity dropped 13 points.
Michele Bachmann - The Woman Who Says It, Like It Sure-As-Hell Is
Michele Bachmann says that the presidential debates make her hungry, thirsty, and give her a feeling of being tremendously inadequate in regards to things like...politics.
Joseph Stalin 1945 quote found in desk!
The fallaciloquence displayed by your MPs and Senators, will not impress any sacricolist of the decency of their having any morals, ethics, or empathy worth talking of!
A Simple Explanation
The suspicious three people in the airplane bathroom were there because of bad airline food and the removal of the other lavatories, which were replaced with additional seats!
No Name Recognition
Former Democratic VP Al Gore calls people who don't believe in climate change "terrorists." When Americans are asked for their opinion about the statement, they say "Al who!"
Food Faux Pas
VP Biden has been declared Persona Non-Grata by the Peoples Republic of China. The VP said after returning to the US from China, that the Chinese food at the local take-out restaurant was better!
Relatives in High Places
President Obama, via an unconstitutional executive order, allows amnesty for certain non-criminal illegal immigrants. Then his illegal immigrant uncle is caught driving drunk and receives amnesty!
A Lesson in Supply and Demand
President Obama, rabid environmentalists and the EPA want to replace toilet paper with crushed pine cones. The price of pine cones has exceeded the price of gold on the commodity markets.
Expensive Thrills
Democratic liberal left progressive organizations believe in expensive government regulation. These liberals like having their hands in American's underwear!
New FDA Regulation
Six strains of naturally occurring non-O157 E. coli in ground beef will soon be "illegal" by FDA banning the pathogens. Why not just irradiate all ground beef & vegetables to kill the E. coli strains?
Obama Administration Destroys another US Industry
US Labor Department invokes new regulations increasing the wages of LA guest & local workers who hand process alligator meat/shellfish. The 83% raise will increase unemployment, as businesses close!
Democratic Liberal Left Political Correctness
Pres. Obama disparages 911 with his counterterrorism strategy called "Empowering Local Partners to Prevent Violent Extremism in the US." The perpetrators were violent Islamist extremists/terrorists!
Political Decision
Pres. Obama pulling US troops from Iraq & Afghanistan may be a political decision to satisfy his extreme left wing. The policy could lead to today's children/grandchildren repeating these conflicts!
Republicans against Social Security Rejoice
Democratic liberal left is in favor of payroll tax cuts to SS, taking money out of the program. Yet these loons are against raising the age & salary cap which would add more funds to the program!
Calling Your Bluff
President Obama plays these cards; blame Bush, blame the Tea party, wealth redistribution, class warfare and race. The American people will be playing the get out of the White House card in 2012!
Anyone but Obama
The latest Republican poll shows ABO is way out in front, if the 2012 presidential election were held today! If Republicans win Congressional seats in NY & NV, ABO will be way, way out in front!
Blame after Bush
Pres. Obama in almost three years, some with a totally Democratic Congress, has failed to rectify the dismal US economic situation he was elected to fix. Now he blames the Tea Party!
The Republicans are Cheering
DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz said that the wealthy must pay more in taxes. She immediately wrote Pres. Obama a check from the Democratic Party for $467 billion to cover his entire jobs plan!
See You in November 2012
DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz plans to use the presidential bus to tour 420 American cities (one per day) to tout Pres. Obama's jobs plan, using a megaphone!
Obama Still doesn't get it about Creating Jobs
Pres. Obama's deficit neutral jobs plan calls for a limit on itemized deductions for high-income earners to provisions raising taxes on oil and gas companies, as well as corporate jet owners!
Anybody Got a Napkin
President Obama ignores his poll numbers and says his jobs plan is "insurance against a double dip." The president thinks he is selling ice cream cones, not dealing with the economy!
Smoke and Mirrors
Pres. Obama, a jobs plan is supposed to be written down for everyone to read! It is not an oral presentation to be described only to your faithful Democratic far left wing followers who can't read.
She may not be President, But
Rep. Bachmann (R-MN) got the Democratic liberals right. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) said pass ObamaCare, then we will read it! President Obama said pass my Obamanomics job speech, then we will write a bill!
A Political Riddle
LONE RANGER: Republican & Democratic presidents have been able to deal with Congresses of the opposite party very successfully, why not Obama? TONTO: He doesn't want to & speaks with forked tongue!
Definition of Being Screwed Up
Egyptians angered at their military for not calling general elections and instituting reforms earlier, ransack the Israeli embassy in Cairo. So much for the Arab spring being a democratic movement!
Definition of Being Really Screwed Up
The Pakistanis want to fight another war with India (possibly nuclear) and the Egyptians want to fight another war with Israel.
Definition of Being Really, Really Screwed Up
The ACLU has sued a school district because K-12 students are blocked from seeing internet materials on homosexuality. Seen any kindergarten protestors?
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